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What do I do? So sick of this..

10 replies

rileys · 26/11/2020 18:46

Long story short, my auntie is the only person living close to me from my side of the family (we're both in the same country). The older I got the more I realised how toxic and manipulative she actually is and how much damage she has done to my mental health over the years all the way from my youth. It's all very messy. I know that she can be nice and help when I need it but this doesn't happen very often. She loves my DD. She texted me last week and demanded and tried to manipulate me into letting her have DD for the day because she has a day off work.... the night before. I said no and that we already have childcare arranged with MIL to which she said 'but she's there all time time, it's about time she comes here?' I said no sorry, it's too late to cancel now but we can arrange another day if you like. She's now ignoring me. It's been almost a week and she's still not replied. I felt bad and texted again today to see if she would like DD and I to come over to see her one day next week or over the weekend and she's still not replied. Wtf do I do? I have my 12 weeks scan on Wednesday and I was going to tell her that I'm pregnant the next time I see her but that's obviously going to reply now that she has some sort of a problem. But then it will cause more problems and she will be even more pissed off when she finds out I've been pregnant this whole time and haven't told her. I just can't win!!!!!

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 26/11/2020 18:49

Stop texting her; let her stew. She's going to be annoyed about something whatever you do, so it's time to start pleasing yourself.

rileys · 26/11/2020 18:51

@Knittedfairies deep down, I know this but I know that the rest of the family will probably be on my case then too. Life would be so much better if I wasn't a people pleaser !!

OP posts:
Agwen · 26/11/2020 19:00

I was a people pleaser for a long time too OP but I do think that its an excuse for not being strong enough to stick up for yourself. It was in my case anyway. You KNOW she is being difficult, you just need to be strong enough to say no to all her ridiculousness. Honestly, I feel so much better for standing up for myself in situations where I know other people are just taking the piss.

And as well as feeling better about me I don't have to deal with their nonsense either, win win Grin.

But I was much meeker before and I had to make a concerted effort to do the right thing. Because thats what it boils down to. It wasn't easy though so I understand your reluctance.

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Agwen · 26/11/2020 19:01

Should add that people stopped trying to walk all over me once I stood up to them a fee times!

SnuggyBuggy · 26/11/2020 19:05

You'll never please someone like this OP, it's a waste of energy trying. You need to try not to be motivated by her reactions.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/11/2020 19:10

She's toxic and manipulative. Why do you care what she thinks or feels about anything? I would think you wouldn't want your child around her anyway. You're an adult, and you shouldn't be influenced by what anyone else thinks. It's time to find your backbone and stop pandering to people who don't have your best interests at heart.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 26/11/2020 19:19

Jesus, cut this woman loose. Life is far too short, you literally get one life, and it's too short to be wasted on drainers like this aunt.

rileys · 26/11/2020 19:23

I know all of you are 100% right. But I feel somewhat guilty cutting her off. Every time I think about it, I think to myself 'maybe it's just me overreacting, or maybe I'm just being too sensitive?' I always think back to the good things she's done and forget the bad. It's so frustrating. It's as if my mind is playing tricks.

OP posts:
BuffaloMozzerella · 26/11/2020 19:56

Google FOG - Fear, Obligation, Guilt and how it works in toxic relationships.

It's what stops you breaking free.

Congratulations on your pregnancy Thanks

Agwen · 26/11/2020 20:01

You might be sensistitve, and you might be overreacting- it really doesn't matter. (I don't think you are though!) It's YOUR choice and you don't have to justify it. You dont need anyone to agree that your reasons are good enough. You alone can decide that.

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