Feeling guilty about working and not being around

[motheroreily]

I don't know if this is the right place to post but just wanted to share how I'm feeling. I'm a single parent. When my child started school I worked 3 long days and I used a childminder. I'd drop off at 730 and collect at 1830. Then after 3 years I got a more local job. But it meant they were at the childminder everyday from 730 and after school til 1730 on 4 days. We did this for a year and suddenly I feel so guilty about it because I wasn't there and I shared the weekends with my ex so we didn't have time together.

I've changed my hours now so i collect and drop off from school on 2 days and I feel better about that because I have to work but it's more balanced. But I feel so guilty about that year.

Guilty why? Is it an internal guilt or do you feel an external pressure from others
As a single parent you’ve got to do what works and if that’s long days so be it
3 long days meant 4 days off, isn’t that a good balance?
I’ll say lose the mummy guilt don’t beat yourself up about working.ever
It’s a good example great role model and it maintain your carer. Win win

Thank you. I'm not sure where the guilt is coming from. No one else has commented. I guess it's just how I feel about that year she was with the childminder every morning and 4 days after school til 1730. It's silly I feel like I missed out by not dropping off and picking up from school, doing homework and making dinner. It was just a year though.
And this year we've spent loads of time together!

As someone who picked up and dropped off every day it's not exactly a fun thing. I was ecstatic when they were old enough to walk by themselves.
Stop the guilt. You can't change it, your child hasn't suffered, move on.

I can sympathise OP, I had to put DD in nursery five days a week at first and only recently found a part-time job (she just turned two). Pre-DC I never thought this would feel so hard but equally I think as mums we always end up feeling guilty, whatever we decide. At the end of the day we have to muddle through and make the best compromises we can at any given time. Please don't beat yourself up x

I'm a single parent of three, working full time, and I really do hear you on the guilt. But especially when you're alone, you should feel proud that you are doing what you need to do to keep both of you safe and cared for, you are giving her a good example and looking after her needs by finding a good childminder and providing. When you were sharing the weekend with your ex, you were still being a good role model, by showing her that both parents love her and can get along even if it's not an ideal situation, and remember that she wasn't off at a holiday club all weekend, she was with her dad, who loves her.

My relatives in the US have had to put their children in long day care from 4 or 5 months old. It's not what I'd choose, but when I meet their older kids, they are lovely people, who love their parents dearly and appreciate the sacrifices they've made, and all the many times they have spent together. Also, teenagers can be pretty superficial and they'll really appreciate that by keeping a job and career you'll be able to keep them in the trainers they want, as well as the big things that they'll need when they're older, like uni fees or ensuring you have a pension.

The fact you're worrying about this suggests you're doing a good job, you and she will be great

I can sympathise too. My DD lost her 1st tooth yesterday and I wasn't there to see it. I found out once I got to the childminder after work at 5.30pm Terrible mum guilt. I'm gutted but it's happened now.

Commend yourself for what you do,don’t condemn yourself on coulda,shoulda
It’s hard enough being a mum, don’t pile on the guilt

I can relate. I went from part time to full time last year and can’t do either part of the school run now when I used to do nearly half.

I know some people don’t like the school run but I miss it. I feel like less of a parent, I’ve seen his teacher twice this academic year and spoke to her on the phone once. On my last day off I picked my son up and she had to ask who I was there for . I knew his other teachers well and I felt so bad about it.

Single working parent here. I have never felt guilt about working to provide for my child. I am proud to be able to. It is hard and when she went to school I dropped my hours and went teen time only. This choice is for me though as I want to enjoy time wfh her and as an older mum I am fortunate enough to be able to afford to do this. I would not feel guilty or that I was letting her down if I didn’t though. It’s that I was missing out.
I am a feminist and was raised to be independent.
My mother retrained and had a career when I was at school and I was so proud of her , and lots of the other sahm were in awe (it was a private school in the 1980s) so it wasn’t the norm.
Most of my daughters school peers are from families with 2 working parents, often one working away/ long commutes too. Some feel guilt but they are an example to their kids and this is the way of the world now. If kids are loved they will be fine.
When I was working longer hours I did felt I was missing out - my child in nursery/ wrap around care was getting more stimulation than she gets at home with me.