12 yr old boyfriends / girlfriends - what do they do?

[miimblemomble]

DS 12 told me recently that he has a girlfriend. She’s not at his school, she’s a friend of a friend who’s in a WhatsApp group that there’s a big crowd of them in. He’s only met her in real life a couple of times, but they chat / phone etc a lot.

When he told me, I asked him what it meant to have a girlfriend when you are 12? Because I genuinely don’t know - I lived very rural, tiny school and didn’t have a boyfriend till I was much older, and my mum was totally against teenage romance - I would never have told her I liked a boy!!

Anyway, he told me he didn’t really know what girlfriends /boyfriends at his age do! Just that he wanted to tell me because he really liked her. His best friend seems to have had girlfriends since primary school ;-)

So what do they do at this age? By the time I had my first boyfriend I was going to pubs underage and staying over with friends. DS is nowhere near that - he’s 13 in a month.

So those of you with children just starting to have girlfriends/ boyfriends- what do they do? Go for walks? Hang out at home? Game / watch films / what?? I need some ideas of what’s the norm, I feel like I’m going blind into a new stage of life.

I had a boyfriend at 12, we only saw each other at drama club and kissed once at the drama club disco

We hung out, kissed (badly), and just took
Put first steps into relationships. I assume you have had a safe sex chat, just because he is young doesn’t mean he won’t get ruled by his hormones and carried away. A girl at our school was pregnant at 13.

A woman I know told me she lost her virginity at 12. She'd swear down that it was a mutual/consensual thing that she wanted but it still makes me feel sick!
My DD is 12 and luckily hasn't really shown any interest but I will be watching like a hawk.

It really varies, depending on the child. I'd explain the rules around sharing photos etc- as if she sends him one they both commit a sexual offence scarily enough

It very much depends on the kids, I know of kids having sexual relationships at that age. Others just chat online and hang out with groups of friends.

Going by my nephew they text/message each other. They don't seem to be in the same building ever, never mind the same room. Then, after a few weeks of messages, there is a big split, a pause, a reshuffle and they start messaging someone else. As the parent of a girl I feel very reassured

Some send each other naked photos, so be cautious.

Round here they go for coffee. Often as a double date.

They are old enough to have sex.

@joystir59

They are old enough to have sex.

No. They. Are. Not.

@joystir59

They are old enough to have sex.

What ????

My friends DS who is 6 went on a date & had afternoon tea whilst the mums sat nearby! It was a cute little cafe aimed at kids but it still shocked me lol

Wow! Way to scare the OP!

The very large majority of 12 year old relationships will NOT include nudes, sex etc.
It will most likely be hand holding, pecks on the cheeks/lips and hugging.

I think it mostly involves telling people you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and then being really awkward and virtually ignoring each other when you bump into each other in person

Liking each others tiktok account

Standard, both 12: Both getting a social status boost from "having a boyfriend/girlfriend", maybe a bit if mentionitis/teasing, probably being friends, but not as close as Friend friends, maybe meeting in a shopping centre/park and awkwardly hanging out a bit (pre COVID). Slow dance at the end of the school disco. Possibly holding hands, maaaybe a rare special occasion kiss in some cases?
Lots and lots of messaging but not explicit sexting.

Be aware, one 12, one 22: Teen pregnancy gossip/scandals in schools tend to start around age 12. Almost universally a male older than 12 though.

She'll be publicly replying to his selfies on social media with 🔥 🔥 🔥 emojis and he'll be doing the same in return. Their Instagram bio will probably reference each other even if it's just initials.

Teen dd tried to explain all of the stages until people are bf/gf and it sounded complicated. The stages were called things like "hanging out" and "linking"

The people who said requests for nudes can happen with 12yos are sadly right. Not all 12yos are interested in that buy some try their luck, succeed and share nudes.

@jennie0412 take your head out of the sand as it does happen. A girl in our class had a baby at 13, so even if it’s a small minority it’s better to be aware it can happen. Also talking about sex in a matter of fact way means no conversations are taboo. I wish I could have asked my parents questions but I got told my mum was ‘pure’ on her wedding day and I should be too.

We’ve had and will continue to have open talks about sex, photos, phones, etc. I’ve been determined that we won’t repeat my childhood where nothing uncomfortable was ever mentioned!

I think their relationship is 90% based on online “liking” of each other’s posts :-) if it was warmer / no Covid I think they would go to the park, go to a cafe for hot chocolate, generally hang around in a group? Maybe the cinema if they open up again?

Cheers

I had a boyfriend at 12. He was 14. We used to go on bike rides, sit by the river, cuddle and snog. A bit of above waist groping (him).

jennie0412

As a teacher who speaks with the local PCSO responsible for going into schools and teaching children (primary and secodnary) about online safety, I can tell you it does happen and a lot more than you or i would have realised. It's not about scaring but it does happen and it's someone's 12 year old when it does.

So yes, OP, talk to your son about nudes and sexting. At 12, they'd both be guilty of distributing and possessing images of children.

Talk to him about consent - in general rather than sexual terms.

Although, they should have already had this drummed into them at school!

When I was that age (currently early 20s) some people were having sex already! The majority of us waited till later, but were still aware of sex/various sex acts and talked about it at that age. Nudes are definitely likely to occur and low level sexual stuff. I definitely wouldn’t say it’s 100% cute/innocent things at all. Especially if you leave them together unattended 🤷🏼‍♀️