Playdate dilemma can you guys help me with?

[Ninbuscl]

So we keep getting offers of play date with another boy in class. (At the moment they aren’t play dates but just playing together at local park after school - they want to do a garden play date but I say no to that cos of Covid) the child who is inviting my dc is I think a lovely child. but my dc doesn’t consider a best friend. He has about 6 other friends he constantly pesters me for play dates with and I very rarely bother as we are busy and also with the restrictions at the moment we feel it unnecessary. But we are getting asked regularly for play dates with this other boy - once every two weeks roughly. I feel I can’t say no. So I have the solution of just accepting the play dates and not reciprocating. If they want to host fine but I can’t be bothered reciprocating. Although occasionally the other mum does say her dc is desperate for a play tonight but she can’t host and would I be able to manage, so puts me on the spot. It’s awkward as we seem to now be regularly exchanging play dates with another child who isn’t my dc best friendship group. And I wonder if she feels it terribly rude of me to not reciprocate play dates. But I thought it better than just saying no my dc isn’t that keen ?

What do other people do in this situation? I had a similar situation with my older dc but he really didn’t want to go so I had to say sorry we aren’t doing play dates as he is just so tired after school. And that was just really awkward. I am terribly socially awkward person and regularly put my foot in it. So am paranoid now how easily I seem to offend people.

Is there a solution? We wouldn’t mind play dates once every few months. But feels like it’s dominating his social life a bit.

Sounds like the other Mum is trying to help her ds form a friendship.
You say this boy is lovely and your dc hasn't refused to go therefore the only issue for me would be that it's a little too often.
Next time she asks I'd say "we're busy this week- how about next week?" But I'd stick to the playdate.
It's not very inclusive disregarding this boy just because he's not one of the gang.
Does ds really need to be part of a 'best friendship group' clique. Should this be encouraged?

Yes of course I wouldn’t want to exclude him from the gang he is really sweet. and am happy to meet with them. His mum is also lovely so I really don’t want to be mean. I do think though that if she wants to encourage friendships it is hopefully with other children too and not too focused on us. It’s hard to know but I think we are always invited first. Surely better to encourage a few friendships. My own child is quite sensitive and has had problems before with other children. He is very friendly and teachers appear to use this to their advantage when other children need to be encouraged to form friendships. But it’s hard on him as he is only 8 himself.

I guess it’s just an everyday social dilemma that we need to deal with. Probably I worry too much about these things I think I am socially anxious myself so I find these exchanges hard

My dd was like your ds's friend at one point . She found it hard to integrate the social scene at school and only really had one friend who she went to nursery with. I tried to get other children to play but the mums were quite closed off to adding a new child to their child's social circle. We moved and she changed schools and it got a lot better.

I know its awkward, but if the boy and his mum are nice and your ds enjoys playing with him I would soldier on, but like pp said, put the play dates off until 'next week' if it's getting a but much. Maybe aim for once a month. Having said that its a bit cheeky for the mum to invite her ds to yours, I wouldn't accept that. 'That doesn't work for me' is the mumsnet phrase for being put on the spot.

Thanks. That’s what I need - phrases that get the point across but aren’t rude. So I can vaguely put it off for a bit. I am terrible at lying and feel like I need to provide a “reason” for saying no.
I would say though the other boy hasn’t exactly struggled with making other friends. More likely the other kids he has played with in the past are a bit more rowdy and perhaps cos he is a quiet himself she felt he needed a more suitable friendship circle. I guess it’s what we all do when our kids need a nudge to help them with friends.