Channel 5 Christmas Films

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

What's with all of these? Going on the listings, they show them pretty much wall-to-wall in the daytime from about September. They all seem to follow very similar themes (how many different scenarios are there?) and blur into one. Potential heartbreak, emotional misunderstandings and/or slightly unkind attitudes loom large, but everything turns out perfectly in the end and they're all back in the proper festive spirit - because 'Christmas' fixes it all.

I assumed it must be a whole load of old, worn-out bargain-basement 'stock' they'd bought in from the 70s and 80s, but they're still making them now! I've seen quite a few that were made in 2018 and 2019; even some from this year. Filming for top-quality hugely-popular TV series has been postponed or cancelled because of COVID, to the disappointment of millions, yet they've still been able to churn out forgettable new Christmas schmaltz?

Are they made specially for Channel 5 (and their counterparts in other countries)? I've never seen any of them promoted anywhere, even on Channel 5. Who keeps commissioning them, when they already have enough to stretch back to the Autumn? Most importantly: who actually watches them? I'm bored enough and curiously intrigued just looking at them in the listings!

Oooh it’s always a returning war veteran taken in by a kindly family who own a farm and the daughter falls in love. Or someone who works in the city and moves to a small town over Christmas...

Most importantly: who actually watches them?

Me!!! I bloody love a cheesy Christmas movie

I love a dose of naff cosy Christmas cheer every now and then. Hot drink, blanket and Christmas mills and noon on tv. I’m such an old lady at heart.

I love them.

Hard nosed business woman for some reason has to move back to her small rural hometown. At first she's not impressed with change to lifestyle, she can't get her designer clothes or fancy coffee, also there's that really irritating but ruggedly handsome tradesman who she keeps bumping into.

Contrived incident happens that means she needs rugged tradies help and she suddenly realises the town and all its inhabitants are amazing and he is the love of her life.

They live happily ever after in a huge house straight off Pinterest with their 3 perfect kids 😍

Ah, so there ARE people watching them, then! No judgement from me: I watch old editions of Bullseye on Challenge

Do you home in on particular titles, based on the blurb or theme (romantic, overcoming the odds, Christmas meanie sees the error of their ways etc.) or just feel like one at the time and then watch whatever's on then? How early do you start watching them (early as in time of the year, not time of day)?!

Are there any real stand-out ones? Are they a bit like Play For Today, where there's a blunderbus approach and a lot of them were OK but forgettable, but the series was also the vehicle for important all-time classics such as Cathy Come Home and Nuts In May?

And why do there never seem to be any Australian ones? Folk in shorts and having barbies on the beach in the blistering December heat, with not a flake of snow to be seen?!

I bloody love a good cheesy Christmas film 😁 DP and DDs won't indulge this love so I don't often get a chance to watch them. Watched The Princess Switch: Switched Again on Netflix the other night though, thoroughly enjoyed all the cheesy Christmas clichés!

They are hilariously low budget!
The theme of all of them is 'everything can be fixed by a man's penis'
I'm furloughed again so TV is on a lot and I sometimes haven't got the energy to lift the remote 😬

There was one on at the weekend with Dean Caine and Melissa Joan Hart. I was making dinner when my husband shouted ‘bashful, Sabrina the teenage witch is having a snowball fight with Superman....I thought the world couldn’t get any madder!’

I saw one with Melissa Joan Hart last year, it was based on the Nutcracker! Pure cosy Christmas cheese and I will be rewatching this year. I love the bad channel 5 Christmas movies on a December weekend.

It's not even just Channel 5! I've just looked and I see there are several more channels that have pooped up, devoted to pretty much the same bilge features.

One of them is called 'Christmas 24', but I see that it actually stops for two hours between 3-5am and is replaced by 'Teleshopping'. Part of me wants to report them to Trade Descriptions to complain that their channel is 'not as described' (whether the content is 'of merchantable quality' or not is rather more subjective); but I'm terrified that they'd track me down and make yet another film about me as 'The Grinch Who Tried To Ruin Christmas Entertainment'

there are several more channels that have pooped up

That was a genuine typo, but now, I'm starting to wonder if my subconscious mind knows something that I don't

I have been watching them on weekend afternoons with a glass of mulled wine after spending the mornings decorating. There are worse ways to spend your time
I want snow in my Christmas movies, other than that I don't mind what the story is about

Christmas 24 is the best one!

There’s also Sony Xmas, and dozens you can download on My5

I love them and get all sorts of mad ideas for decorating my house and making gingerbread houses - that I can then never be bothered to do

I choose based on the blurb - small town with cute name, failing business (usually a Christmas tree farm, or an Inn), hunky widower who falls in love with the returning heroine, lots of snow, pretty Christmas markets, and a Christmas tree lighting that saves the day - but not before a flood/snowstorm/burst pipe/whatever that threatens to cancel said Christmas tree lighting

Well channel 5 has only been showing christmas films since november. The sony christmas channel has been on for a longer though. They tend to have the terrible acted ones, although there are a lot of gems. Plus they repeat them a lot.

There are some great ones on Netflix as well. Who doent watch to watch Dolly Parton spread christmas joy?

Theres an appreciation thread in Telly Addicts. Come join us!

Christmas 24 has been a thing for years!

Most importantly: who actually watches them?

My husband - he loves them!

Channel 5 seems to be showing mainly Hallmark Christmas films this year. I love all the happy endings. Off I go to the appreciation thread 🙂

Oh I love them and love the comment above that “everything can be fixed by a mans penis” (snigger).

I can’t wait until Saturday when we put up the tree with the kids. Am planning on cheesy Christmas film in background, bottle of champers and mince pies. Bliss.

Just got to try not to argue with DH when we start tying to put the lights on the bloody thing (standard argument to ruin the insta-perfect Christmas tree put-upping every year)

We should get together and make a special MN-themed one. As has been established, you only need the tiniest of budgets for it, so maybe a couple of us could take in some ironing, see what we have lying around that we could sell on eBay, look online for cash-back coupons and dabble with matched betting to raise the necessary funds.

What are we going to call it? 'AIBU To Just Cancel The Cheque Christmas?' could work well. There's got to be a tiny Korean lady somewhere in it and a nasty unhinged FIL dressed as Bad Santa who goes around swapping the kids' chocolates in their stockings with fat balls on Christmas Eve. Shall I ask Channel 5 to reserve us a slot? If we get in quick, they might be able to fit us in sometime in April.

Channel 5 seems to be showing mainly Hallmark Christmas films this year. I love all the happy endings.

Are they the late-night ones?

Off I go to the appreciation thread

Me too - see you there soon! Thanks, Mog !

I love how many threads I've seen about channel 5 type Christmas films recently

Oh lord, I watched one last weekend where two sisters (one loving Christmas the other more grinch like and hating the schmaltz) ended up in their own Christmas movie with two of the most campest men after them (one was so sensitive it was ridiculous.... Like would cry after hearing you'd dropped your hanky sensitive) and they worked out they had to get their happy ever after to get out of it.... So complete with gran who isn't around anymore (cruel no?) and a Christmas show they have to put on with like 18 hours notice because one of their love rival has sabotaged it.... I won't ruin the ending.

... Was quite good actually 🤣🤣🤣

m.imdb.com/title/tt11096888/

Meant to say if you get to see The Mistletones with tori spelling and one of the twins from sister sister I definitely recommend it 🤣👌🏻

I’ll watch any of those super cheesy, made for tv chr movies. In fact I’ve only ever turned one off. (Dolly Parton, Christmas on the square)

You don’t like em op, don’t watch em. I bet you enjoy something I don’t like? Coronation street?