Moving away for work

[Grifftapher]

Hi all,
Trying to get a mothers perspective on this, I know me being a bit of "hard chinned" man I can oversee important factors that my wife doesn't.

My daughter is 3 months old and I've been landed an opportunity to work for a rather large genetic research company. However, the role would require me to move away from home mon-fri as the job is over 2:30 hrs drive away. I don't really want to uproot the family as we've only just bought the house, my wife is still a bit anxious too, so I naturally want to keep things as stable for her as possible. I was thinking of possibly doing a rent-a-room thing to keep costs low. The thing is, I am having so much fun being with my daughter atm, and "cue the soppy music" she's just beautiful and joyful. I don't want to miss out on watching her grow. BUT! It's such a good opportunity, work where work was lacking, future stability and a good pay-rise if I work well. I just wanted to see if anyone else has been in the same situation, I know it may seem that I'm putting career first, but what's a life with constant monetary worry? (we've been through that and don't want to go through it again)

I think you need to figure out a way to move if you want this job and you also want a happy marriage and family life, unless you can figure out a working from home/commuting situation that works for you. I know this may be difficult to do though if you are doing actual laboratory based research.

From personal experience (I live 3 hours door to door from my office), I wouldn't live away mon-fri every week. It's basically like divorcing and being just a weekend parent, which is no way to live if you currently have a happy marriage and you want to be an involved parent. So in the past, I work in the office 3 days a week, leaving at 6am to get the train, and am home by 7-8pm. I'm in the office 10-4 and work on the train. In the future (my dc are a bit older now, but when I started, eldest was only 11 months - I'm a mum btw), I'll go up 3 days (staying overnight) every other week. So away 4 nights a month, but wfh the rest of the time. I'm a scientist, but my work is not lab based, so it works well and many of us work remotely anyway, so flexible working is the norm.

There's no way I'd do it mon-fri every week. It's just no way to have a happy life. My career is a source of real happiness for me, but it couldn't be at the expense of everything else. In your case, if it's a real long term opportunity, I would plan to move, but there may realistically be a transition period when you may need to work away short-term until you can sell your house, your partner can find a new job, etc. or you could consider living in between if you both can manage a 1 hour ish commute and the balance of childcare pick ups/drop offs, etc.

Hi Mindutopia,

Thank you for the reply.

You've pretty much hit every nail on the head regarding my work-life balance. I don't really want to move away and having time to unwind with the family is certainly something I don't want to just limit to weekends (when all the other jobs that have built up during the week need doing too).

OH is a midwife so I'm guessing work would be pretty easy to get too.

My heart is telling me to let the opportunity go, don't put job over family. Perhaps i'm just jumping at it because I fear that nothing of the like will ever pop up again, which as i'm sure you'll agree probably isn't the case.

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.

It’s something you need to negotiate with her. I can see why she would not be thrilled. Your child is so young and she will be given no support for days at a time if you are away. As a midwife l assume she may well do shifts and will need some childcare contribution when she returns from maternity leave. Does she event want to move and explore that option? It really is a joint decision.

My ex-husband wanted to move a few hours away for an interval move in his company. I point blank refused as getting a new job for me would be tough. Plus they were notorious for short term moves. So he commuted and stayed over the odd night. Job went well but 9 months in he got transferred back. My point exactly why l was unwilling to uproot myself

You mention genetic research company. Are you going into a science role or are you more corporate (eg finance, hr etc). If the former then is the new role in an area where there is a cluster of companies in your sector. If so then this should be a factor in your decision as well maybe. Where are the longer term career options for you, especially if your wife has a role that sounds like it is more mobile.