Can I hold back an October born

[Tara2011]

Hi! I have a 7 year old October born who has started in P3. She started in P1 when she was not even 5. She tries her best to keep up with her peers most of who are older than her but I feel she gets tired at school as she is putting in her 200 percent and then home work is a struggle too. It also means she doesn’t have much energy left to do things out of school that she enjoys like sports and gymnastics. She is an average in her class but tries to be at the top. I feel she could benefit from being a year lower but the school seems to think she is doing fine and I would be doing disservice by holding her back. Also socially she may not like to be a year lower than her friends so the only option I might have would be to move schools! Such a dilemma. Anyone with experience of an October child??

I take it you are not in the UK ? Over here she would be one of the oldest with an autumn birth date.

Usually children do adjust to school work even if they are young their stamina builds week on week.

It may be helpful to ensure early nights etc and find out what areas she struggles with more specifically.

@fairislecable

I take it you are not in the UK ? Over here she would be one of the oldest with an autumn birth date.

Usually children do adjust to school work even if they are young their stamina builds week on week.

It may be helpful to ensure early nights etc and find out what areas she struggles with more specifically.

im assuming the OP is in scotland where the cut off dates are different

I'd suggest a tutor before trying to change what year she is in!

Scottish schools run 1st March to 28 / 29th of February in terms of admission. 1st March birthdays being the oldest in the year.
It's very very unlikely you'd get a school to do this in P3, even if you move schools. It would be hard enough in P1 without significant additional educational needs. Being middle of the class and tired definitely won't meet the criteria.
Probably best to focus on how best to support your DC with the current situation.

At her age it would look more like a punishment than a reasonable adjustment. If she is academically average, don't do it.

If you are Scottish I'm October born and didn't find myself behind my peers, I was also far from the youngest as my closest friend had a February birthday.

I would have hated being so much older than everyone if I'd been kept back especially once I'd had a few years to make friends.

So that's about equivalent to an April-born south of the border?
She is an average in her class but tries to be at the top.

So she's not really struggling with the level of work in her correct year group class - average is normal.
Maybe it's more that she needs to learn to do her best, not compare herself to others too much?

Does her schoolwork reflect her general level of intelligence when talking to people? If not, maybe she has some kind of specific learning difficulty with poor working memory for example.
Ask school if they would screen her.
They may not, but are more likely to than move her year group.
It’s hard seeing your child struggling. I thought the system was better in Scotland mind. It’s poisonously competitive here in England.

On the face of it, this seems like a crazy idea. Why would the school agree to it when she’s not struggling? Even if she was, I doubt they’d agree as there is a spectrum of ability within a class and wanting to be top of the year below is a really poor justification.

All kids find school tiring and it impacts on their extra curricular activities. An October birthday isn’t even particularly young for the year.

Only place I’ve seen them agree to repeating a year is in a private school. Perhaps you could try moving her to a private school and see if they’ll pander to you?

This is a ridiculous idea and yes, the school are right that you would be doing her a disservice both socially and educationally.

Average is fine. If she is stressing because she isn’t top of the class then you need to manage her expectations and teach her to deal with that.

That’s your role as a parent; not to try and make her a bigger fish in a smaller pond.

I don’t think October is particular young? I’m February born and was one of the youngest. I’d seek help from school if you’re worried about her. I live in England now and both my children started school a couple of months after their 4th birthday.

I don't know about other Scottish authorities, but here it is very difficult to have a child kept back a year at Primary, even with the school's support, which it sounds like you don't have. Especially given that your child is doing ok and isn't that young - I have two in my current class that are younger than yours; January born.

In 10+ years teaching here I only know of one child who was kept back and they had significant learning and behaviour needs and were in foster care. Other applications I know of that were made by parents but not supported by the school were all turned down.

Not every child can be 'top of their class', even the older ones!

I think after 3 years in school, if she is exhausted and struggling with being burnt out outside of school time, I would look to a medical cause. I think being a few months younger (but presumably also a few months older?) that other students in her class shouldn't have any impact on how exhausted she is, if she is otherwise doing academically fine enough. Can you speak to the GP? Could it be she is anaemic? Or low in other vitamins? Could she be depressed or anxious and just burnt out? I think some of what you are describing is very normal though. Homework is a struggle with a 7 year old (it's an absolute nightmare with mine and she is very middle of the class in terms of age). And she wouldn't really have energy to do loads of afterschool activities. She's ready to just come home and decompress after school.

You need to let it go. You’d be doing her a massive disservice by holding her back. Maybe she is just an average kid? You can’t make her top of the class by holding her back a year, that’s ridiculous. Put her back to P1 and she’ll defo be the smartest 😂

Don’t know why you would hold her back if she’s academically fine. I wouldn’t encourage my child to drop a year behind just to then be top.
As for the tiredness you may need to cut back on her after school activities

I’d consider other issues, not just that’s she’s not old enough. Could it be issues with sensory processing and being overwhelmed and exhausted by school? My youngest was diagnosed with sensory issues after struggling at school even though she was very bright. She’s graduated last year with a first from a good university so no issues with her intelligence but primary school was totally overly stimulating for her which was difficult to deal with. Homework did not help!

If she’s average in the class as a whole, she’s above average in relation to being one of the younger ones. As others have said, there’s nothing wrong with being in the middle. Where is the pressure coming from that means she’s unhappy with where she is? Keeping her behind is not a good idea, there is no suggestion that she needs it academically or from a social perspective. What she needs is help from you to understand that perfection is not a requirement.

@Tara2011 might be worth posting on scotsnet, I agree with comments so far though about it being very hard in the state sector to get a year back at p3 stage. Possible perhaps before p1 with a lot of effort.

Mine are exhausted at 3, and need a lot of downtime. My feeling is that mine have sensory and social issues, the noise and social interaction wears them out to a degree where even getting them to walk home is a challenge.

I'd say you need to think about the level of tiredness. One of my dc did go back a year, and it has helped a bit but, I'm not sure whether they'll fall further behind current peers in later years.

Mine was not doing averagely though, school concerns are often a mismatch to parent concerns - if the school feel the child is adequately supported, they will not consider low end of normal an issue as such if they believe that's the best a kid can do.

It's possible to have 'no noteworthy social issues' and still find social interaction incredibly tiring, confusing, anxiety making and hard to wind down from.

Sorry if not helpful or doesn't sound like your dc, just advising based on my experience.

It’s almost impossible that you would be able to hold back a child already at school, but October isn’t that young really in the Scottish system. I have a December born who is much younger than his peers as in our authority jan/feb birthdays are able to defer.

At that age none of mine were aware of ‘top’. It’s important that they can work within their abilities and I don’t think holding back a year would benefit this. She may be ‘top’ then but the majority of her class would be a year younger than her.

Worth saying that if social and sensory issues are why she's so tired, which year she's in is only going to help marginally.

Don't do the homework - I know it's radical but it's a lot of nonsense and you could have a Saturday morning tutor for one hour and cover more ground. Mine do their homework at breakfast sometimes.

One of my dc did no homework at all til she was 9 as just too tired. We phoned in the bare minimum for the projects unless it was something we enjoyed.

You know, I want my kids to be phd scientists but a relentless misery of getting exhausted kids to do homework isn't a childhood.