My recent absurd dating experiences - anyone else had this?!

[Whattodis]

I’ve NC as I don’t want this linked to my usually happy and lighthearted posts. I’m in a SHIT place today.

In summary I’m 37 in December, live in my own house alone, have lovely friends and job. I want a relationship.

I’ve been online dating (covid compliant version) and live in Leeds so not as if I am out in the sticks! I am not too picky, I try and be open minded and chat to people I wouldn’t usually based on what they’ve said on their profile. I have gone wider age range, 32 to 42. I’ve gone wider area than leeds, 50 mile radius. I give it a proper go, I make the effort, sometimes have a phone call, I give it a bit of time in case there’s any nerves to see if the chat develops, but fuck me there doesn’t seem to be anyone out there than isn’t off the wall in some way. Maybe I am too and that’s why I’m on it! I’m losing the will.

The last few people I have spoken with, after some general nice messaging, ended up having a phone call:

Phone call with man number one: became clear very quickly he was drunk. Then as the call progressed he actually said he was all but an alcoholic

Phone call with man number two: half way through the call tells me he’s a massive commitment phobe and has never been able to settle down.

Phone call with man number three: background of a week or so messaging, he tells me he moved out from living with his wife 2 weeks ago but ‘it was over a long time ago.’

Phone call number four: again, fifteen minutes in. ‘I’m not monogamous but couldn’t resist swiping as you’re super hot.’ I am honestly losing the will and so fucking sick of this absolute shit. I am clear on my profile I am looking for a relationship!!

I feel like there’s just this future of shit ahead, rubbish mundane conversations and then when you get to know anyone more you realise that they’re not even in the position for a relationship. Anyone else?

I’m sooooool fucking fed up.

Sorry for all the swearing. Just had enough.

At least you sound like you can see the humour in it! Could you turn it into a game? See how many 'fruitcakes' you can chalk up?

When you eventually (and you will) come across someone half-decent, it'll be a lovely surprise.

Good luck!

When I did online dating I met and had a date with a man who told me he got confused about what order the 4 seasons go in.

A friend of mine has recently taken the plunge into online dating and she’s having a similar experience with time wasters. It’s such a shame. Sadly I think these experiences are part and parcel of online dating - they shouldn’t be(!) but they are.

If you’re feeling really fed up of it you could try taking a break for a while? Also, are you only using one website? Could you try another?

I do sympathise OP. I imagine that for a lot of people the right one will come along eventually, at which point you can both share your stories and bad experiences!

Get a better online dating site! From experience I can tell you the free ones or pay very little ones are a nightmare.

Pre-covid, I had a guy meet me for dinner and tell me he needed to have sex with me first to see if we were compatible.

Another guy met me for dinner and started by saying, you obviously have more money than me so we'll agree you'll be paying. He was serious and spent the whole meal talking about money.

I have a litany of these stories. I switched to a paid for site and things were much better. I met my husband!

Look at the positive- you didn’t have to kiss the toads for them to reveal themselves!

Does anyone else think that a dating experience book from mumsnet would potentially be hilarious to read?

I met my husband on match. There's definitely better options on a paidbsite as men don't like to pay unless they're in a position to actually want a relationship in my experience. Less time wasters. Still some weirdos though haha. Try eharmony or match perhaps? Good luck

Aren't there more ''superior'' online site for dating you can go on where people are screened by someone?

My NDN got married last year to a man she met on a paid for website.
She was the Merry Widow, 4 previous marriages, 1 divorce.
She said the same as a PP. Men who use POF or similar are just after one thing. It was especially hard where we live, Norfolk isn’t exactly a huge pool of genes, let alone reasonable men.
She found one and now lives in Nottingham

@seizethecuttlefish

Get a better online dating site! From experience I can tell you the free ones or pay very little ones are a nightmare.

Pre-covid, I had a guy meet me for dinner and tell me he needed to have sex with me first to see if we were compatible.

Another guy met me for dinner and started by saying, you obviously have more money than me so we'll agree you'll be paying. He was serious and spent the whole meal talking about money.

I have a litany of these stories. I switched to a paid for site and things were much better. I met my husband!

I wouldn't have stayed for the meal! Did he "forget his wallet"?

Very similar experience...

Came across too many men who think being 'non-monogamous' is acceptable, were not single, were not looking for anything beyond casual and a staggering number of guys who had issues with alcohol.

I simply gave up on OLD in the end. It just was not worth the effort and constant grief. Not to mention the amount of abuse and sexual content I was getting was starting to make me hate men...

he got confused about what order the 4 seasons go in.
^

Don't talk to him about Vivaldi then

OLD is hard work... Is definitely a bias towards guys who only want sex... One guy even told me it wasn't his fault I was so beautiful he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me... We didn't meet up.

Keep going. Lots of stories on OLD. It’s emotional resilience. I did meet a few nice guy s and dated for a year or so each. Just not mr right.Top 5:

1. Guy who lied about his age and everything on his profile. He confessed within 10 mins his age then the rest followed. I left after 39 mins.
2. Guy who sat in silence. Frustrating as text banter was good. I asked a question and literally 10 mins of smiling. He thought it was great
3. Octopus man. He surprised kisses me and then spent the next 5 mins trying to bat his hands away. Think horny teenager. Life is too short for that
4. Guy who took the dinner bill after we split it to claim back business expenses. A date is business then tried to lure me bsck to his car. Security stepped in. Got a nasty text next day as didn’t put out or want to see him again
5. Racist man. Called me and started to rant about foreign let’s using nhs. He wasn’t racist obviously but sit of non English using services. I am not from England and my hard working family are not from U.K.

Current guy I am dating is slow, but seems ok.

Oh god these are awful too!

I was finding it funny but starting to feel quite sad now too. I have spent so much time on it all. I know the other option is to take a step back for a bit but how can I do that at nearly 37?

I didn’t think at this age I would be in this situation.

I had eleven years of this. ELEVEN.

Finally met The One at 38 and on Tinder, would you believe it.

Married six months later, baby within the year 😁

I used to read these stories and think “my arse,” but it happened to me.

@sueelleker it was one of my first experiences and I thought he was being sarcastic. I'm very sarcastic. But we'd ordered and I realised he was a twit. He asked to see me again. I think he was just incredibly unself aware. I've had some absolute classics. I used to go into work on a Monday and tea break was just people asking about my disastrous dates. I could write a book. 🤣