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Horrible son, but depressed, what can I do?

1 reply

glas14368 · 23/11/2020 14:58

During lockdown my son slowly withdrew from life and isolated himself. He became almost nocturnal and was rude to us if we tired to speak to him. He was obviously depressed (although we did not realise it at the time), and on 15th August tried to kill himself. He was in hospital for three days. Obviously we were shocked and tried to help him but he wont accept that there is a problem or access any help offered to him.

He is now back at school, year 13, and will not speak to us (mum/dad/sister). He says only the following: "go away", "STOP", "I hate you", "you're horrible (when asked why we are horrible he answers "because you're disgusting") and "don't speak to me". He is still isolating himself, he won't go out after school or at weekends and looks terrible.

I am trying my best to be nice to him, in spite of the constant hate, however am getting to the end of my tether. I have just found out that he has dropped one of his A levels without even telling us, and am at a loss how to handle him. I feel like I am walking on eggshells, trying not to anger or upset him. I don't know why he tried to kill himself, he would not say, and as he was 16 at the time the hospital would not tell us as he is classed as an adult. I don't want to make things worse for him, but am totally fed up of him.

He says he hates us and it is getting very hard not to say that I hate him back and I can't wait for him to leave home. He has no redeeming features. He is rude to us, is not kind, is not funny, sulks over nothing, rude to other adults, nasty to his lovely sister. I am amazed that he has any friends at school. He is utterly charmless and I can't believe that he so horrible.

I realise that he is mentally ill, so how do I try to improve his stinking behaviour without making things worse?

OP posts:
Helmetbymidnight · 23/11/2020 15:21

This is a really really tough situation and I massively feel for you. It's horrible and unfair for everyone.
It sounds like he's really struggling - and I would think that getting to the bottom of why is essential. You say he won't engage - is he getting help with CAHM's? Would you be able to get private therapy? Any chance through school?
I can well imagine that he is quite unloveable at the moment, but it does sound like he's in very deep pain. He's doing really well to keep at school - could you compliment him on that. It doesn't really matter about the A level...Could you text/email him how much you care and want to help? Often teens prefer that to face to face. Is there another trusted adult he could confide in?
Take care of you and the rest of the family too - this kind of dynamic can be overwhelming for everyone.

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