Kids bedtime has descended into mayhem

[Iw24wImI]

I have two boys age 5 and 6. The elder has never been good at bed time, not a good sleeper as a baby, we had health visitor support with bedtimes when he was three. Younger son a better sleeper.

We always did (and still do) a bedtime routine every night. Bath or wash face & brush teeth, they read to one of us and then we read to them, cuddles, bed. We allow only a small amount of Kids TV in the evening and keep sugary snacks/pud to a minimum.

Nevertheless, they are giddy, silly, don't listen and make this part of the evening feel like a misery for my husband and I. To be honest, tea time can be an absolute pain in the bum too.

Any tips for regaining control? I have to say I think lockdown since March has played a large part in this deterioration in behaviour. I'm not able to pinpoint quite why. I really want and need to make these times of day a smoother, less shouty experience for all of us. I don't know why they don't listen to us and I want to change this.

Thanks in advance

Can you divide and conquer? Are they sharing a room? If so stagger their bedtimes. DH takes one while you take the other. Don’t put second one to bed until first one is asleep. If you can put them in separate rooms even better. If not maybe put one to sleep in your room and the other in the DC room then move the other one into own bed later.

First tip is to ignore any and all requests

I would also say you have 5 mins to lie down for a story.

Any Messi g then you will close the book and go down stairs

Totally ignore them if they come down

Not even a rut totally invisible - carry on your evening

Yes we tend to divide between us and swap each night as to who puts which child to bed. They are in separate rooms next door to each other.

There's 20 months between them and I am not sure we could do separate bedtimes.....it would all be too unfair! Cause more fall out 😖

Use the story as the “carrot”. Good behaviour at bedtime = story, silly behaviour = no story. Be clear about what constitutes silly behaviour and what is good behaviour. Spell it out. Tell them exactly what behaviours you want to see that will result in a story.

Thank you both. Yes I do all of these things. I think they are tough nuts to crack but I won't give up.....I can't bear the thought of this continuing and then finding them running absolute rings around us by the time they are teenagers.

Will keep up the consistency!!

Anyone else experienced similar?!

will do the "carrot" with the story small steps. Thank you!

Out of interest - what happens when they are physically worn out? I don't know if you can up the fresh air and exercise combination but that works for us. It's quite hard going doing so much exercise (for me).

Fwiw those ages were a sodding nightmare for my Dc at bedtime. They shared a room and just went nuts. Something happens DC when they turn 4. Thankfully it seems to stop when they turn 6 so hopefully you don’t have too much longer to deal with it OP. You have my sympathy. It’s really hard.

Read 123 Magic.

Children don't listen because they have learned they don't have to. Shouting is like when British people shout at foreigners in English on holiday to make themselves understood. Obviously everyone shouts at their children sometimes. It shouldn't be a primary disciplinary measure though.

Your fear of being accused of unfair different bedtimes is telling. The parental diktat of "life's not fair" or "because I said so" or "you are different ages so there are different rules" are useful and have been passed down the generations for that reasons.

@plumpootle

I struggle to wear them out. Typically they'd have swimming, gymnastics, a bike ride and a dog walk on a Sat (non lockdown!) And still be little monkeys come bed time!

Today they have not had that much exercise as the classes are not on. But they have been busy, making, doing and completing h.w.

They rarely ever fall asleep on long car journeys either, instead just chat and play and read. They have always been this way! Even when poorly and off school they won't nap in the day.

What do people reckon a good bed time for this age is? 7pm is too early. They have only just dropped off now! 8pm bedtime sound reasonable? 7am wake up?

What time is bed?

My DD is 6, we go up at 6pm and do some quiet playing, wash teeth, story and in bed at 7pm.

The only time I notice the real giddy bedtime behaviour is when she is really tired, it seems to make her loopy.

Is it possible they're over tired when you start the routine in which case half an hour earlier might help.

8pm is fine. If they’re not tired at 7 there’s no point putting them up to bed, they’ll just play up. Wait till they’re tired.

It may feel mean but letting the older one stay up a bit was the answer for us. Made the older feel very grown up (and be on board) and the younger enjoyed the undivided attention. Same age gap too. When they're going to bed ok they can go at the same time again if it suits you (ours did on and off).

Just twenty minutes later might be enough to give a bit of separation.
We’ve got a smaller than that age gap but there are still things the older one can do that the younger one can’t. It’s fine. (They’re older now so it’s things like meeting up with friends without an adult.)

@StrippedFridge

Yes there definitely is an element of that. I'm not sure why. I do use those responses at times. I do shout but not all the time. I try, on the whole, to be a tuned in sort of parent. It's just I feel unstuck with this issue 😔 these are great things for me to think about. I'll definitely bring back a bit more tough love

@GreyishDays @ThePlantsitter

Okay sure....I think I will try this tactic. No.2 certainly benefits from earlier nights.

I always felt it was easier to put them to bed together, at the same time, especially when husband was often still at work or working overseas. Now he is permanently at home it will be much easier to execute.

I second split bed times as actually being easier at this age. After toddler stage mine just wound each other up constantly. Joint bed time stopped being easier.

Even now as teenagers who take themselves to bed, DH and I know to keep them separated at bed time. Eldest DS knows he will get murdered if he goes upstairs when middle boy is getting ready for bed. For some reason they cannot help themselves but get into a big stupid fight or stupid game or something else loud and violent while youngest DD screams at them to shut up.

There was a happy time when they were all in primary school where the lure of a shared story, like Harry Potter, not picture books, made shared bedtimes work. Only lasted a couple of years but was lovely. Well, except for reading the story putting me to sleep just like them pretty often.