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Parenting failure - cannot get DD to let me do her Covid test

15 replies

Delphine31 · 19/11/2020 15:44

DD is 3. She has previously had three Covid tests at drive-in centres. The first two went absolutely fine - no drama at all and done on the first attempt.

The third test they'd changed the swab and more of the stick is swab and it looks rougher than the original sticks. She let me do that but found it unpleasant.

Cue today when she woke up with a temperature and I booked a test for this morning. She just wouldn't let me do it - I tried everything (making light of it, bribery, 'come on, let's just get it done', explaining that if we don't do it we can't leave the house for 14 days etc.). Eventually the swab touched other stuff that it's not supposed to so we had to give up and come home.

We got home, had a big cuddle and a chat and we agreed we should do it again. Booked another test for this afternoon and exactly the same story - she just will not let me do it and I can't physically manage holding her hands out of the way, her head in a position that makes it possible and performing the swab, not to mention that it's fucking horrendous to be doing this. In desperation I then stupidly made the threat of taking her favourite toys away so we've just got home and I've removed them but I'm pretty sure this isn't the right way about it.

I'm just at absolute rock bottom. I feel like a shit parent for not being able to persuade my 3 year old to do it, an ineffective parent, a bitch for trying to force her, terrible for wasting test resources, terrible for my bubble friend who we're going to have to let down and not see and absolutely awful for DD. We are both really really upset.

My only thought to avoid 14 days isolation is to order a home test and do it in the night and hopefully DD won't remember in the morning.

This is just awful.

OP posts:
ThePlantsitter · 19/11/2020 15:50

Poor you OP. It was bad enough on a 9 year old, well done for doing 3 already!

I don't know if you will be in time to do another one but I would give the toys back. You've followed through enough and it is really unpleasant. Then I suggest a few games of getting her toys to have Covid tests. Even if you can't do one now it might help later. It's v tricky with a 3 year old but this could help you talk through her fears.

VainAbigail · 19/11/2020 16:02

Are you in a position to stay at home for 14 days?

Sewrainbow · 19/11/2020 16:09

Sympathy here I really struggled with my 11 year old and I can explain/bargain/bribe him!

I really thought we wouldn't get a sample or it'd be invalid. Given that experience I'm not sure I'd even try with a younger child!

You've not failed, just had a rough time Flowers

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Delphine31 · 19/11/2020 16:13

It's not impossible but I'm a self-employed single parent and I need to be able to work.

And to be honest my mental health is not going to fare well without fresh air and exercise which I know sounds pathetic but I've been struggling with feeling quite stressed since last week and know that getting out for walk really helps to keep things in check.

OP posts:
YouAndMeAndTheDevilMakesThree · 19/11/2020 16:17

Are you trying to do the throat swab OP, or just doing both nostrils? My 2.10 yo won't entertain the throat swab so I just do both nostrils. That's fine for kids, don't let them tell you it isn't.

Also you might as well submit the swab even if you think it's touched the tongue etc as it may not come back invalid. Nothing to lose by trying.

GlowingOrb · 19/11/2020 16:21

Not Covid tests, but when we have had to force medical procedures with dd (who we now know has ASD so her hyper resistance now has an explanation) I would bear hug her with my arms and legs while the doctor or nurse did what they had to do. It was awful and once I had a private moment away from dd I would break down sobbing, but it got the job done.

Is it possible with the Covid test to have someone else do the swab while you hold her? Not all the tests are self-admin near me which is why I ask. Sometimes they have a person in full ppe doing the tests.

poorlyearboy · 19/11/2020 16:27

I know this doesn't help at all but if you're testing because of symptoms it's 10 days isolating not 14

I think you're a miracle worker for managing it 2x already! Don't be so harsh on yourself

GreyishDays · 19/11/2020 16:31

I struggled on my much older children this week. I got them to put the nose swab in just a tiny bit. And told them no rush and then they did it. Could you kind of try that?

Or just do her nose while she’s asleep. Crap though.

GreyishDays · 19/11/2020 16:32

At our test centre you need to be 12 before they will give you it by their staff.

Echobelly · 19/11/2020 16:34

Not a parenting failure at all, it's really difficult. DS is 9 and when he had to do a test DH had to practically chase him and then pin him down to do it and he felt awful about it! These tests are pretty nasty for adults and really horrid for kids.

Howmanysleepsnow · 19/11/2020 16:36

Are you doing the throat? It’s ok to just do both nostrils in children. Have you tried letting her do it herself? Lots of children prefer that.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/11/2020 16:37

Home test. An hour after they fall asleep is quite good. Kneel astride clamping arms to side with knees but not sitting on her. One hand for swab one for holding head, swab up both nostrils.

BendingSpoons · 19/11/2020 16:37

Sending sympathy. I am dreading the day I need to take DD4.5. The huge battles we have had in the past about having a nasal spray. She genuinely would prefer an injection. I took DS 18m and that was manageable as he was restrained in his car seat and didn't really understand. I attempted in his mouth, not sure how it didn't come back invalid!

Delphine31 · 19/11/2020 16:51

Thanks so much for your responses. You've made me feel a little better.

I was just trying to do the nasal swab. It's so frustrating as she handled the first two tests in the summer so easily but she's definitely become scared of it for some reason.

The system won't let me order a home test for her which is incredibly frustrating as doing the test when she's asleep seems a viable option.

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 19/11/2020 16:53

Gosh, it's grim at any age. My 12yr old just about tolerated it.
And I totally understand how awful isolating would be as you're a lone parent. I'm dreading being stuck in with my two when it happens Flowers.

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