If your spouse died would you ask their relatives to contribute towards funeral costs

[peridito]

In a recent conversation with my sil I got the impression that she was letting me off contributing towards the cost of his impending funeral .

She said that she had paid the bill in full and that I needn't worry about this .I was very taken aback by this and said something along the lines of "Oh ,are you sure that's ok ? " And she said "It's ok ,the money is there "

She and my brother are not at all hard up ,just before my brothers death she explained to me that she brought a large portfolio of shares (built up by her stockbroker dad ) to the marriage but my brother brought practically nothing .

Is it the done thing in some circles for funeral costs to be shared between relatives of a spouse ?

It would come out of the estate unless there was a pre paid funeral plan. If there isnt any money I still wouldn't contribute unless that person was close to me. I'm getting bitter in my old age but I'm so fed up of the continuing assumption that someone else will take care of it

Sharing the costs of funerals amongst family and friends is extremely common in lots of cultures, along with costs of weddings, house deposits and so on. It’s been this way for thousands of years (including mainly white) British culture even up until a few decades ago. You’d take up a collection for a person’s funeral and to help their family’s expenses.

Never would expect no

Firstly, I have to say its a really kind thing you've offered to do.

As said before the estate is liable for funeral costs. In our case, I'm the Executor and sole beneficiary to would pay out of estate.

When your married the estate is joint though isn't it?

So if they own everything equally, then it's her share too. Maybe she does feel like she has contributed more and is now carrying another cost?..
It's an odd comment and I would have perhaps asked for more clarity at the time.

If dh died a funeral would eat into an enourmous chunk of our savings and pils are extremely wealthy but we don't get on and I'd never ask them for the money.

However for a loved family member, if direct relatives struggled and people could afford to chip in, why not. I can't imagine some cultures thinking any thing differently.

If dh died I would have the life insurance to cover the expenses and left over mortgage...and vice versa

When my DH died suddenly at the age of 36, his parents and siblings contributed towards the cost of his funeral and gravestone, without needing to be asked - I think they wanted to, as a way of being included, and remembering their son/brother.
I had never been to a funeral, let alone organised one (I was 35 at the time), so didn’t know if it was the usual practice or not, but as DH had no life assurance and I had two babies still in nappies to raise alone, I was glad of any financial help going.

I wouldn't expect to ask anybody to help contribute towards dhs funeral, however if they wanted to and offered I also wouldn't say no.

@pickypolly You're not obliged to stump up for the funeral of feckless relatives, unless you choose to. If there's no money in the estate, then the local authority will do a bare basics disposal for public health. If someone has deliberately chosen not to make provision, I'd leave them to it. The extras are only for making a show after all.