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To feel lonely

31 replies

venusia · 18/11/2020 01:09

I’m a single mum of a 14 year old and 10 year old. I moved here when DS was small, to make a better life for my kid. I met an English bloke and had DD with him but we split up when DD was a baby.

I work part time but don’t fit in at work. I have no friends.

I would like to get back with my ex. He has another partner now but she can’t have children. I can have children so I dream that he will come back to me because he wants more children.

I have tried internet dating but don’t get interest back from men I like. I don’t know what to do. DD dad said he will report me for abduction if I move home and take her with me. But I have no one here other than my kids.

OP posts:
Dugee · 18/11/2020 23:20

Sorry if I've upset you but people have made some sensible suggestions. You can't change what you can't control, so you can't move to Poland as your ex can legally stop you taking his daughter. You can't force your ex to get back with you. You really have to look at what's in your control, the things that you can change.

sparklepink · 19/11/2020 08:02

I agree with Dugee, I think you sound a bit defeatist. Focussed on your ex and what's fair and not fair. You need to refocus on yourself and what you CAN do rather than what you can't do. I'm a LP in a very similar situation to you. The only way I get through is by focussing on what I can change. All the best to you OP but please try to shift any victim mentality you might be experiencing, I say this kindly.

yellowhighheels · 19/11/2020 11:02

Lockdown is making loneliness feel 1000x worse whatever the reason for it (I'm single and have no family nearby, myself).

However, in time after lockdown, now your son is 14 would he be able to supervise your daughter for a couple of hours a week so you can start pursuing a hobby you enjoy, say an art class, book group or sport? There may be some they could come along to such as walking groups that don't cost too much.

I agree, in the kindest way with PPs who say that for the time being (unless a solicitor said differently) moving back to Poland is off the cards, and your ex is settled in new relationship. I know it's easily said but these two routes aren't your only chances of happiness, you need to start looking at what can be done to improve your life. This will probably be small steps. What about regular zooms with family or friends in Poland, it might be a nice way to keep the kids immersed in their Polish culture?

Work-wise, a change can be as good as a rest so it could be a good time to have a look at jobs with a different retailer, maybe even on promotion.

In terms of your current neighbours, I know you say it's not the nicest area but what is stopping you from chatting to them briefly? Are there issues such as antisocial behaviour or drugs on their part or does the area itself just feel a bit intimidating? If there's nothing in particular, why not have a quick, casual chat to people living nearby when you see them? not with a view to being inseparable friends straight away, necessarily, just to have a few familiar and friendly faces around.

Online dating is draining even without kids. By all means give it a go but try and compartmentalise. That is to say only give it as much time and energy as you can comfortably spare and no more.

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Onthedockofthebay · 20/11/2020 14:18

With the best will in the world, you chose to have those children and blaming them for your situation in life isn't fair. Time to stop being a victim and help yourself. Other posters have had some good ideas, many of them will take little effort. Joining some online meet up groups doesn't even involve leaving the house.

Dugee · 20/11/2020 16:35

Unless you make some changes then it probably is all you can expect in life. Why are you only working 16 hours a week, are your 10 and 14 year old children not in school full time? Working more hours would provide the money for holidays and treats surely?

KILNAMATRA · 20/11/2020 18:27

Would you do home care? It's quite social and could get school hours? Helping others usually helps take your mind off your own problems.. many calls need two carers and theres solidarity in that..

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