DS doesn't believe he won't have a party!

[HuntedForest]

DS is 10, turning 11 at beginning of Dec (but about 2-3 years learning delay). I have said due to the virus that there won't be birthday parties this year. His aunt and uncle are willing to risk visiting (we know covid is in the school) on his birthday but we won't be inviting grandparents.

I did say if the weather is good he can take some cake to the communal garden to share with the neighbour's children but that I won't be organising party games or anything so there won't be presents.

It's clear from what he said earlier today that he doesn't think I'm serious and is still expecting a party. I feel a bit mean, not least because for the first time he seems to have a friend at school. I don't want loads of kids in my flat though! Plus DH is working from home. And we will meet his godmother and her three at swimming the day before (I might take a cake there too).

For reference, younger DD had a party with her friends, but not with family this year.

Can you tell him you have to postpone his party and he will have a summer party instead (which he can plan) when the virus is under control hopefully with the vaccine!

On the day I’d just do as many people on zoom as possible to sing Happy Birthday while he’s blowing his candles. Lots of balloons around the house. A few special games you can play just with those in the household. A nice party tea.

He doesn't really understand the concept of postponing unfortunately.

Why won’t there be presents?

He will obviously get presents from us and family.

Just that if he takes cake into the garden, the other kids will sing to him but they won't give him presents because it's not a party and won't be announced beforehand. He can go and ring and see who is in.

Can you do a zoom party?
Poor chap

No, he won't talk on zoom! (Or the phone).

Can you explain that they couldn't give him presents this year because of the virus so you have a few extras wrapped in the house that he can open after the cake has been shared.

It might be easier to explain what there will be rather than what there won't be e.g. we will be celebrating with a family party where we will have x food and do x activity.

Can you do some party games as a family?
Eating jelly or chocolate with knife and fork race.
Pin the tail on the donkey
Pass the parcel

And I agree with telling him what there will be - cake, balloons, presents from family. Are you sure his Aunt will visit if the lockdown is extended?

Has he got the concept that many parties have been cancelled? Is there an event he would usually go to that has been cancelled due to covid, and link the party to that?

Happy Birthday to your Son for the right day.

This may sound completely batshit and any teachers on here will doubtless be rolling their eyes at me but... is there any chance his school might come on board to the idea of a mini class party? So nothing OTT, but just you bring in a supermarket cake and a Christmas cracker for each of his classmates, and at the very end of the day they play a game or something?

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

This may sound completely batshit and any teachers on here will doubtless be rolling their eyes at me but... is there any chance his school might come on board to the idea of a mini class party? So nothing OTT, but just you bring in a supermarket cake and a Christmas cracker for each of his classmates, and at the very end of the day they play a game or something?

A sweet idea but then we would have to do it for everyone. Hopefully we will get out of this lockdown and he can enjoy his swimming session and see his auntie and uncle.

Hopefully you can do something special, within the boundaries of the restrictions. Could you take his friend out for a walk with him, for a treasure hunt (ticking off things they see) with sweets as prizes etc?

No, definitely not.

Can you do some party games as a family?
Eating jelly or chocolate with knife and fork race.
Pin the tail on the donkey
Pass the parcel
Nope, he doesn't do games that require coordination.

And I agree with telling him what there will be - cake, balloons, presents from family. Are you sure his Aunt will visit if the lockdown is extended?
He won't care if aunt doesn't visit, but will be devastated if uncle doesn't! They will come unless one of us has it, we checked before we told DS.

Has he got the concept that many parties have been cancelled?
He's only ever been invited to one, and he was ill that day

Could you just have his new friend over on the day, and let them have pizza and cake or whatever.

The year of the Queen's golden jubilee they moved the May bank holiday and for the only time ever dd2 (ASD) had to go to school on her birthday. She just couldn't accept it, wasn't going to go etc. In the end the school agreed I could send in a cake for her class (had to make it in a roasting tin to get it big enough) and she reluctantly agreed to go. It was 8years ago and she's still bitter about it

@KateF hahaha, I can just imagine her little outraged face. How DARE the Queen do that! Love how you dealt with it.

It's not nice, but please don't feel mean about being caring and loving and not wanting to spread the virus.