Can anyone help with little girl suddenly wetting bed/screaming, crying in the night, won’t let dad near her? Only started 3 nights ago- mum at her wits end here :(

[ladyjadie]

Hi all, been a while since I’ve posted here, but my friend across the pond has had her 4 year old daughter waking up in the night, inconsolable, for the past 3 nights. She’s only just started school two weeks ago and still seems happy to go, but of course her head is jumping to worst case scenario. As she’s in the USA a Dr appt is expensive (their insurance has run out and because covid is so prevalent there she is struggling to get work so sadly worries she can’t afford a dr appt anyway I know this place is a haven of wisdom among the viperyness so I said I’d ask here as she is beside herself, worried sick about her kid, and feeling totally helpless. Any suggestions or input would be so gratefully received- I’m going to paste her summary of what’s happened, below.

“Saturday night my daughter woke up and said she needed to go to the bathroom. She was already emotional and usually she goes by herself but she didn't this time, my husband turned on "the wrong light" and she had a meltdown. Meltdown isn't even a proper word for it, she was sobbing and crying and screaming uncontrollably, almost “posessed”
Didn't want to be touched, didn't want to be talked to, nothing, kept pushing us away. She stood in the corner crying until she wet herself. Didn't want us to clean her up but we did. Eventually she saw her favorite book and asked for it and calmed down enough to be put back to sleep. The next night she woke up and needed to pee again. It was fine until my husband "turned on the wrong light" again. Meltdown. Only this time she didn't want ME anywhere near her. She stood in the corner and wet herself again. She cried and whined and so my husband gave her space and when he went back she was sitting on the toilet so he thought she needed to go. Left her there for a while but eventually thought she just needed to go to sleep so he tried taking her back to bed and I could hear her crying so I came in there and she cried "mommy" with her hands reaching for me so I picked her up and she said "I need to go potty but daddy took me away from it" so I took her back. She eventually calmed down enough to pee and was 100% better, happy to flush, ready to go to bed, etc. Then it happened a third night. Needed to potty (even though we limited liquids this time) and was freaking out, hiding next to the toilet, crying. It wasn't until I started singing "hush little baby" that she started calming down. I asked her if she wanted me to keep singing and she said yes. I said "come sit with me" and she curled up in my lap and I broke but kept singing while I cried. I asked if she needed to go potty and she said yes and let me help her go. And then eventually let me sing her to sleep. I'm at a loss and I don't know what's wrong with my baby.”

The family has just moved house a month ago, the daughter started school for the first time two weeks ago but has been loving it, not clung or cried at the separation from mum, adapted well.. that’s all the major changes. And the weekend it started nothing at all happened, no upsets or anything, so she is stumped but also terrified something bad has happened to her at school (mum suffers anxiety and is an abuse survivor herself) so we are really hoping to rule that awful possibility out and looking for anyone who might have experienced similar with their child, and it’s turned out to be much less sinister reasons. Night terrors have been one suggestion she’s got- but as a first time mum she is clueless and scared. We’d both so so appreciate any input or insight

I’d say night terrors too

Night terrors. It was awful for me at that age. Didn't help that I was sharing a bedroom with my sisters who insisted on telling me horror stories at bedtime!!!

I had a series of superstitions as well, by dolls had to be a certain way, I had to sleep with socks on (in case I needed to escape during the night, what was I thinking!!!).

In the end my parents made a bed for me on their bedroom floor to go to if I was scared.

For me it started when we had a fire in our shed, and I was woken up by the noise of a fire engine outside our house. I was absolutely terrified, and kept on having nightmare after nightmare after that.

Sounds like night terrors to me too - my ds used to fight me off and used to go crazy, nothing would calm him, it was horrific. One thing that can work is to disturb the child before it happens to break the cycle. For example if the terrors always happen at 2:30 ish wake the child gently at 2am and resettle.
They lasted for years with ds but sleep has always been an issue as he has ASD.

UTI?
Threadworms?
Nightmares?

Is she avoiding/limiting going to the toilet at school? Because fear of missing out on fun school stuff or because they're different?

Worms are supposed to itch at night.

Building positive association with being in bed in the day can help with night terrors. Association with a soft blanket, aromatherapy in the day and night, stories about loving a good sleep.

Cutting down imaginary influences of supernatural things and being factual. That can mean explaining nice things like unicorns aren't real, but being honest can reduce fears and build trust.

100% are sounds like night terrors, they are quite frighten g as the kiddies seem awake. But they really aren't. We had an awful time when our kids were younger went on for a good year, saught advice and as pp said if you notice a patter wake them or just touch them on their face enough that they move or roll over, it's enough to wake them out of their deep sleep.
When my daughter wakes for a pee sometimes she can be that desperate she isn't fully awake and is quite tearful etc
I just lift her and tell her I am putting her on the loo, I don't switch the light on necessarily as dont want to startle her. Hope it helps your friend.

That’s a lot of change for a very small child in a short period of time, even positive changes can be overwhelming, she may well be reacting to all of that on a subconscious level. That level of change can bring about night terrors and they’re horrible for kids (and for parents). It’s wholly possible she thinks the light is the wrong one because in her head it means something scary for her - especially in a new house.

Unless there’s reason to think her daughter has been abused I’d tend towards change and night terrors.

I'm presuming that the 'wrong light' is the only light in the bathroom. If that is the case could they take a torch in and angle it into a corner so that the light isn't too bright? It won't solve everything but it might help slightly.

She’ll be overtired from school, which will be causing the night terrors. They behave really weirdly that first term, I don’t think it means anything sinister.

Could she have a UTI and it's stinging her. Try putting her in a warm bath and encouraging her to wee in there.

Also think threadworms. My daughter gets them a lot and the only sign ever is a sore vulva. She literally screams in pain. I’ve only ever spotted them in her vulva where they can crawl to at night [not envy]

Urinary infection or possibly type 1 diabetes (unlikely).

Thank you all so much, she is very very relieved and reassured (as am I!)