Not Coping ATM!

[notcoping12344]

This is my first post on here as I have no where else to turn. I gave birth 5 weeks ago to my little girl and I have struggled ever since. I am not adjusting well to a new life of being needed all the time. She doesn’t nap very well during the day. I think its wind and I’ve tried everything from infacol, gripe water, boiled water, winding more often. Doing the bicycle with her legs and belly massages. I have tried it all! She sleeps well in the night but this is because she has worn herself out from being awake most of the day! I mean I honestly don’t get 5 minutes to myself. I have my mum here and she does watch her so I can step outside for a while and breathe but feel its not her problem and I am burdening her. I have a partner who is not very helpful when it comes to the baby. He helps me around the house whilst I sit dealing with the baby all day. He does one feed a night and feels as though it is majority of the mums job because he doesn’t know what hes doing and he is not capable of doing as much as I do. I feel I am doing something wrong with my baby I dont understand how she can be soo unsettled when I have tried everything!! And I end up taking it out on my other half as I am just so frustrated and lost. I find myself getting annoyed with the baby when I know its not her fault! I suffer with depression and feel since giving birth I have massively gone down hill. I don’t feel I am meant for this and maybe my baby would be better off with someone else. I love her but just don’t know what to do. Feel this is all signs that I shouldn’t of become a mum and it makes me feel sorry for her that she has a mum who gets annoyed with her and argues with her dad and she should be around nothing but happiness and love. I am just failing everyday.

I have two sisters with 6 kids between them and I don’t remember any of them suffering the way I do. I don’t know whats wrong with me. I had a traumatic birth and had to have an emergency c section where I didn’t get to see or hold my baby for ages. Maybe thats what is the root of this? I have no idea. I just want to run away and never come back.

I don’t know what I am looking to gain by writing this but I feel like I am losing my mind.

Definitely speak to HV or GP about how you are feeling.

Your not doing anything wrong - all babies are different. Cut yourself some slack, you are doing a better job than you think!

Babies change so fast - everything is a phase so it will pass. It will be something else tricky but just keep going as that will also pass.

Can you plan some parts of your day and week that can just be for you. Make a specific plan like Bath, nap, reading, zoom call with friend, whatever you like doing that you can look forward to and makes you feel 'like you'.

Ask your mum if she can help with this and also your DH. He maybe just isn't very proactive at seeing where you need help.

Get out for a big walk with the pram if your baby settles OK for this. Listen to music or podcast. It's a good way to put a bit of the day in and good for physical and mental health.

Can you speak to your sisters they may have felt similar or have some ideas.

You need some good coping mechanisms - you just need to work out what works best for you.

Be kind to yourself

I felt very overwhelmed 5 weeks after having my first, I’m sure a lot of people do - it is a massive mental adjustment, it is a cliche but try to be patient with yourself and kind to yourself while you get used to the being a mum. It gets easier week by week at that age. It is completely different with your second or later children and every baby is different so don't compare yourself to your sisters. I agree that it is important to see your doctor to access greater help with your mental health. You are not failing at all - just making it through the day with a tiny baby is a win. Hopefully the wind will start to resolve itself as her digestive system matures - I have a ten week old at the moment who was like that at 5 weeks but is much more settled now. Dont feel bad for taking time for yourself whenever possible - can you put her in a bouncer or sling so you can get on with stuff while she is awake?
Good luck - if you can get some support with your mental health I think this will all feel better quite quickly

It's a long time since my dd's were babies but I remember feeling so overwhelmed by it all that at one stage I just wanted to phone social services and ask them to take her away! Are you able to explain to your partner how you are feeling and that you are both new to this and learning. If he is around during the day, could you take half an hour each caring for her, so that you can at least take a short walk to get a break? Speak to your HV or GP to get some advice both for her and yourself. It's incredibly hard going from nothing to being screamed at and required 24 hours a day. I counted the hours down until my neighbour came in around 6pm to give me a hand for an hour (Dh worked shifts).