SAHP and Daily Mail

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Just read the above article in the Daily Mail about those SAHP being paid a wage effectively to look after their kids, what are your thoughts on It?

I read this, I wouldn't want this set up myself but each to their own.

I'm interested in this concept of the working parent financing the other though, because DH was made redundant a year ago and still not found anything else. We need him to work, we haven't agreed for him to be a SAHD and he's really not trying very hard to find a job. Once his savings run out, am I supposed to be handing him cash every month for him to spend as he wants? I will obviously cover the bills, so he will have a roof over his head and food on the table, DC will have clothes, activities and whatever they need. But I don't feel at all inclined to pay his car bills, mobile phone etc etc when he's just unilaterally decided not to work. Or will that make me financially abusive?

I'm not sure why it even warranted an article... it's just another type of financial set up isn't it? We have no idea if these women still have access to a joint bank account as it wasn't mentioned. We also don't know what % of their husbands earnings their monthly allowance is. Their husbands could be left with less disposable income than them, in which case it's more than fair!

Personally it's important to me that I don't suffer financially because I am the one giving birth and taking time off work, so whatever is left of my husband's salary once all mortgages, bills, food shopping, savings and baby expenses are paid is going to be split equally between us.

Whether I access that money from a joint bank account, or it is paid into my bank account doesn't make much difference surely??

For me it’s the idea that I’d be getting paid for “wife work”, which creates the potential for him to step back from running the home, raising the kids because that’s what he’s paying me to do. I’m not an employee, we’re equal partners in life and both need to pull our weight. We’ve had times where he’s been out of work and times when I’ve stayed at home - all the money goes into a joint pot and we spend as we need to. I’d never agree to being paid a “wage” especially if that wage included me covering all the children’s expenses from the pot he gives me while he had separate funds with no family expenses.

But I don't feel at all inclined to pay his car bills, mobile phone etc etc when he's just unilaterally decided not to work. Or will that make me financially abusive?

If he continues not to work there’s a discussion to be had about where economies need to be made if he has no savings and no work. That’s not abusive, it’s a reality when income is so reduced.

Whether I access that money from a joint bank account, or it is paid into my bank account doesn't make much difference surely??

That's a very, very naive statement. The difference is huge - if the money is in a joint account, it is yours. You have access to it, oversight over where it goes and when, and most importantly you don't have to ask permission to use it. If the money is paid into your bank account by your husband, then you are utterly dependent on him and you have no control or oversight over the family finances, and if you ever needed more you'd have to ask for it.

It swings the balance of power all the way to your husband @dillo10, and makes you very, very vulnerable.

I thought it was classic goading but the Daily Mail.

*by

I also think they deliberately targeted women getting low amounts to add to the froth.

I have access to the joint account

All bills, food etc are paid from that

I have a bit of money of my own but the joint account pays for coffee and lunch and evenings out with friends, my hair, nails etc

Oops sorry, meant to say that some of the stories would frighten the life out of me

I am a SAHP but we share a joint account.

In theory I could use it when I like for what I like.

That would be lovely but we are broke. It's mainly used to watch it dwindle when the bills go out so no bugger gets to spend any of it on themselves.

Is that the story with the 'Hubby' headline? I vomited and moved past it.

@Ohalrightthen

I absolutely think it's important to have a joint bank account.

What I meant was, whether my husband then transfers me money monthly, or I withdraw that money from a joint account, what's the difference?

The reason I said it is because the article is unclear on whether any of these women still have that access (to joint account), so we don't know that's the case.

They could all have joint bank accounts but for budgeting purposes their husbands are transferring them the money to make it easier. Who knows!

I think I could have worded it better!

@SherryPalmer

I’d rather have equal access to the joint account and equal decision-making input into the budget than be given pocket money by my husband but I guess it’s better than nothing (totally separated finances) when one partner takes on a lot more of the childcare burden.

That's you and him problem, not a national one

Embarrassing 😳 just have a joint account.

Or a job 🙄

We sort of have this... Dh gets paid, then transfers a set amount of money I the joint everyday account. Reality is, he then tops it up as necessary. So more is going in this month for Christmas spending. If I go out with my mum or friends, there's extra. If I pay for a big scout account, he transfers extra. Obviously I can't just spend for the hell of it, but he doesn't leabe me begging. He directs other parts into the holiday account and the savings account and the reserve account. He leaves extra cash as back up when he's away with work.

It's all about mutual respect... The working parent has to respect the time contribution and the sahp has to respect the fiancial contribution

We just have the one account that everything goes into and everything comes out of. I take care of it all.

Dh grew up in a house where his dads pay packet was handed over to his mum, she would do the finances and then give FIl back some spending money, his grandparents were all like that too so it's normal for him.

Many couples have this arrangement and there is nothing demeaning about it, after food and bills are paid the partner gets an x amount each month for lunch ,coffee, hairdressers , clothes , some said they get extra to shop for birthdays and XMas, if it works for them then who are we to judge ?

First couple are simply sharing finances during her mat leave and giving it a weird name of 'mummy salary'.

Last couple - actually looked like shared finances and had equal amounts to spend on personal interests. They could both see the family spreadsheet.

All the others - why were children's clothes coming out of the 'mummy wage?' The amounts were pitiful. What was the man doing with all his money?

It was enraging.

It's interesting.

I'm a SAHP. We have a joint account out of which all bills are paid. This includes family entertainment, me taking the kids out, all food, kids clothes etc.

I still have my own account and I have an allowance paid each month. That is for totally 'me' things. Mostly my coffee habit and hair cuts or nights out with friends. When I first left work, the amount was basically the same as I had left from my wages after my share of the bills were paid. I've reduced it recently as with Covid restricts I'm just not spending any money.

My husband isn't a big spender either. He has a similar for his coffee habit. The rest goes into our savings (2 accounts are in my name only before anyone says anything)

I don't think there's anything wrong with me having some money each month to spend as I please.

I think this is incredibly patronising (and I speak as a SAHM myself!) Honestly it reminds me of weekly pocket money doled out by Parents. Do the wives get their hair ruffled ,and told to "run along" like good girls!

On further inspection of our delightful DM. One of the wives in question is on maternity leave from a well paid job! Her husband "pays" he an allowance while she is off work .So a little misleading I feel!

Was a bit shocked at how little their husbands give them for all they do!

I'd like to think the couple with the mum on mat leave actually hate the DM, signed up for the £££ for doing the article and are currently laughing about how awful she looks in the dress but wondering why people fall for this shit.

Here's hoping anyway.