Struggling

[LockdownWoes]

I am struggling with sharing my home and feel awful.
Two DC studying from home. They are lazy and untidy. DH is a hoarder & despite assurances he will sort his stuff, he never does. Our house is too small for all the shit we have.

I truly feel on the brink and cannot cope with the extra work/mental stress that having the DC home causes. Because DH isn't impacted by them, he doesn't back me up when I push for them to do their washing, tidy their room etc.

Today I lost it. I work F/T and ask the DC that they do their washing in the week when I'm working, so I can get my washing done when I'm off. They don't of course. They both wait until they have run out of clothes before they do any. So today I couldn't do the washing I'd planned. Then, DC overloaded the dryer, so their washing didn't dry and had to be dried again. What a waste of energy and money!
This resulted in me screeching like a banshee. I am ashamed of the way I behaved, ranting at them. It was horrible.

I am so tired, working long hours in a stressful job and then feeling even more stressed when I come home because of their apathy/laziness.

If I ask/request that they do XYZ, they just ignore me until I completely lose it and then they all tiptoe round me, contrite. Why don't they just do stuff when first asked? Why does it have to get to the point that I am totally out of control, yelling at them before they will actually do it?
It seems such a crazy thing to be shouting and bawling about.

I yelled at DH that I'm actually looking on Rightmove for a place to rent so I can just fuck off and leave. If there was anything available, I actually think I would.

Everyone's in different parts of the house now and I feel like the one who's caused the rift.

I hate, hate, hate my life and yet, I know this is down to my overreaction and that others have it far worse.

Well look, you've had a shit day/week and maybe shouldn't have shouted, but your requests are far from unreasonable.

For what it's worth I left my ex because he was a hoarder (and angry/controlling and a real joysucker) and I have been loads happier since then. Sometimes the threats we make when we are kicking off and frustrated have nuggets of truth in them, and so on some level perhaps you do want to leave and get your own place? Obviously not an obvious option if you adore your DH and want to make it work, but even then - hoarding is very difficult to live with.

I hope the coming week is a better one for you.

Thanks @RhubarbTea for your kind response. I could quite happily live alone and may possibly end up doing so if things don't change very soon .

It sounds like hanging on to that thought - even if you don't follow through - may keep you sane during the coming weeks.

I remember doing the banshee screaming thing towards the end of my time living with XP. I've only been in that state a few times in my life so if I find myself doing it I know something is very amiss.
Is leaving a workable plan? The nicest thing about getting my own place was that it forced my ex to step up and finally do some parenting on his 'days'. Although then there is the fact that hoarders tend to get worse over time, and the whole having children there without you to legislate, tidy up etc. Still the best thing I've ever done, relationship-wise.
I wish you strength.

Yes, moving out is doable if I feel there's no other option. I'd rather not but at least I know I can. 🙂

OP,sometimes you need to lose your shit to be heard after asking (they call it nagging) repeatedly.
I would be selfish and wash my clothes first.

I can totallyrelate to this andhave been there many, many times! Over the frist lockdown I had my 3 older student dc (22, 20 and 18) all at home. Plus other dc off school and dh working from home. Meanwhile I was out working full time (NHS) I cant tell you how frustrated it would make me to come in from work to the house a total tip and them all lounging around.
I would say make one room (your bedroom?) a nice haven.make surethey allknowit is not to be messed up, then at least you have somewhere to escape to where you can feel calm and in control.
As for the washing - I would have dumped their stuff out of the washer/drier and left it for them to sort then used the washer/drier for my stuff. If their stuff was till damp out of the drier casue they didn't do it peoprely Im afraid I would have dumped it back in their room like that and got on with it! I have found that those sort of consequences , that directly impact them are the only thing that works, sadly.

Just spotted your reply, thanks junglepie.

A nice calm bedroom to escape to would be bliss but impossible with a DH who hoards... Our bedroom is the least tranquil place unfortunately - cluttered with 'stuff'. It doesn't help that the tip is shut either, so I can't even surreptitiously get rid of some of it.

I still feel out of sorts with it all. Messaged both DC to bring washing in off the line today while I was at work. Got home and washing was in but pegs all over the ground in the garden, rotary line still up and cover off (was dark when I got in).
I am just so pissed off that a simple request cannot be undertaken without a huge argument/stress. It's not like they're given a lot of jobs, FGS!

Anyway I refused to cook and just left them to it and when I bext go to the supermarket, I'm not buying any nice treats, it will just be the boring food!

FrenchBoule, oh I do do that but I get so fed up of trying to get them to think ahead. They are actually reasonably intelligent too, it's scary how they just don't see mess.