Today can just get in the fucking bin

[FMyUterus]

Anyone else have a shitty day / week? Feel free to vent here.

6 weeks ago I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant. Our 18th miscarriage..

Yesterday on a family zoom call his brother announced that they were pregnant. No heads up or anything. They know about our struggles. I'm happy for them I just feel a bit blind sided. A little heads up would have been nice.

[Brefugee]

I'm so sorry, OP, that must have been really difficult.
Have you told your DH to explain to his family why that was a dick move on their part?

[AudTheDeepMinded]

You're not shitty, they are arseholes.

[OrangeGinLemonFanta]

Somebody has acted like a brat and it ain't you, OP. Imagine being that fucking dense, to drop this on you at this time and in that manner then having the absolute gall to moan about your (perfectly civilised) reaction.

[TurquoiseDragon]

So they thought you were being a spoiled brat for getting up for a moment? That explains whey you didn't get a considerate heads up beforehand, they're not bothered about your feelings, only theirs.

[FMyUterus]

All of Dhs other siblings texted us after the call was over, and asked how we were. His mum messaged me and his dad messaged him. So i think everyone else understood how shit it was

[TurquoiseDragon]

@FMyUterus

All of Dhs other siblings texted us after the call was over, and asked how we were. His mum messaged me and his dad messaged him. So i think everyone else understood how shit it was

That's good. Hopefully at least one of them will talk to your BIL and his wife and explain how out of order they were.

[Mumtumwobble]

They were really very thoughtless. I’m not surprised you were upset. Anyone would be, dealing with everything you’ve been through. You’re not being a spoilt brat at all. It was shit of them to tell you over zoom in a big announcement when they know your struggles. Take care.

[Cheeseboardandmincepies]

Op, get some wine and forget about it. Fuck them. You’re not a spoilt brat, I totally get it. Just look forward to your IVF, hope it goes well for you.

[IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy]

I'm so sorry OP. You didn't do anything wrong at all - your BIL is an insensitive arse.

Long time infertility sufferer here, with the likely outcome that I'll never be a mum. It's so so hard, but I've learned that if someone hasn't been through it, they often have no idea how it can feel, and if you mix that with someone who has limited empathy and a selfish personality, you get thoughtless people like your BIL.

Take some time, ignore BIL and do whatever you need to to look after yourself for now

[JuliaJohnston]

Dear God, 18...

[12frogsincoats]

I'm so sorry OP but they sound like absolute arseholes. How dare they call you a spoilt brat! Self centred, rude people.

[sqirrelfriends]

Ugh, the fact they were looking for a reaction shows you how shitty they were being.

I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriages

[CorianderBlues]

Maybe they've had their own worries and difficulties, that you don't know about. The pile-on in here is pretty nasty in itself.

[Phoenix21]

from a fellow RM sufferer.

This doesn’t make you a bad person. You are grieving and feel how you feel. For me, I was always happy for new life but so desperately sad for us and our lost babies.

Be kind to yourself.

[Essexgirlupnorth]

They may well have but they know the op history and to sprung that on her and call her a spoilt brat because she left the call because she was upset is not nice. The op is allowed to be sad for herself and after a loss it is hard to be happy for other sometimes it doesn't make you a bad person. I have 2 losses after 4 years secondary infertility and have had to hide in the toilets for a cry because yet another colleague has announced they are pregnant and one of my colleagues was due days after I would have been and her pregnancy was just a constant reminder of what I should have had.

[sqirrelfriends]

@CorianderBlues

Maybe they've had their own worries and difficulties, that you don't know about. The pile-on in here is pretty nasty in itself.

Who is piling on? Are you the OP's SIL?

[seven201]

@FMyUterus

They've said I acted like a spoilt brat because I got up and left after I said congratulations. So they announced it during a conversation about decorating we'd done. I said congratulations and then got up to 'make tea' ie cry into a packet of sausages call my mum and vent. I was probably away from the screen for 6 mins. I came back and said congratulations again.

Maybe I shouldn't have left but I couldn't just sit there

That is absolutely awful of them to say. I've been there with the pregnancy announcements (3 years of infertility, doing ivf) and it hurts like hell. It's one thing being so thoughtless announcing it to you like that but then calling you a spoilt brat for going off to have a discrete cry is disgusting behaviour. Shame on them.

I'm so sorry for your miscarriages. You must be a very strong person to keep battling on. Family should be supportive, not destructive.

[GloGirl]

Haha, in a way you can be grateful they declared what cunts they are so you dont have to fawn over their new baby or ask her how she is keeping in pregnancy.

Fuck em

[AlexaPlayWhiteNoise]

We lost our baby at 21+4 this weekend. A friend sent her condolences and in the next sentence told me she was pregnant.

Sometimes people don't think.

I'm so sorry OP.

[EssentialHummus]

I’m so sorry op and alexa. It’s utter shit

[AhoyMeFarties]

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise

We lost our baby at 21+4 this weekend. A friend sent her condolences and in the next sentence told me she was pregnant.

Sometimes people don't think.

I'm so sorry OP.

Oh Dear God, that's awful, I am absolutely gob smacked
My heart goes out to you

[CarterBeatsTheDevil]

Seems fairly clear who the spoilt brats are. I have had 3 pregnancy losses (two miscarriages and a stillbirth) and those repeated losses are so traumatic and this is not something that you should have to explain to anyone or apologise for.