DD11 virtually living in her room

[EternalOptimist7]

Finding this hard to deal with, although apparently it’s very common. I feel like we have a lodger! DD comes out for meals but spends virtually no time with us, not even sitting down to watch tv. She & I used to play Monopoly but it’s been ages. I know 2 lockdowns really haven’t helped. Miss my girly 😢

What is she doing?

Dd15 is exactly the same. Although on the rare occasions she comes downstairs she is usually fowl. I miss my daughter but its like she’s moved out and checked out of family life already since lockdown 1.

Same with mine. She’s 14. She does reappear and cause chaos occasionally. I find she goes in cycles. She’s in a distant cycle atm. She’s playing games online with her friends though and quite happy. What else can she do in this lockdown hell?

She always comes for a good night cuddle though.

ohalrighthen mostly on her phone, which is another bone of contention. We really have to cut the time she spends on it.

Yep. Take the phone away! I use the family link app so the phone automatically locks after the time limit. My 11 year old sister is a new child after limiting it to 1.5 hours an evening. It's too hard for them to decide to stop so best if you control it.
We've started playing games again, watching stuff together. It's amazing.

@EternalOptimist7

ohalrighthen mostly on her phone, which is another bone of contention. We really have to cut the time she spends on it.

When i grew up (admittedly in the dark ages) we weren't allowed our phones in our rooms. SO i could spend all evening texting, playing snake and writing angsty poems in the notes (this was 2005ish) but i had to do it in the living room.

This was the rule from the moment i got the phone, so it might be harder for you to make it work.

So many people interpret my posts literally that I think I need to preface them with 'Lighthearted' so...

'Lighthearted' - Monopoly with four players can be pretty tedious but with just two... well I think I would hide in my room if I thought that was on the cards should I venture out...

Is it that unusual? When I was that age 50 years ago I would be in my room listening to Radio Caroline or reading Jackie magazine .

Isn't it just part of becoming more independent and wanting time on your own?

Not abnormal but equally not ideal and 11 is on the younger side. Are you monitoring what she is doing on her phone? As PP said, put limits on it. Ask her what she wants to do. Maybe order some new games or things to do on Amazon to make things more interesting.

I think it is unusual at the age of 11. Take the phone, have something you can watch together on telly.

@Ragwort

Is it that unusual? When I was that age 50 years ago I would be in my room listening to Radio Caroline or reading Jackie magazine .

Isn't it just part of becoming more independent and wanting time on your own?

I was like that too, 40 years ago.

I've always been happy in my own company.

What have you tried to get her included in family life? Indoor and outdoor stuff.

My children were like that too at that age, I used to go and lie on their bed on my phone and eventually they would start chatting. Try not to grill her about what shes doing but chat about what you are looking at whether it's the Daily Mail or the Guardian or Instagram

I just realised that she is 11, not year 11! Maybe a time limit on her phone is necessary as some people have suggested

Spidey - I'm still like that too, I've been in my bedroom watching box sets & on my iPad since 4pm today avoiding family life .

We’ve got 2xDS12 and DD14. Expecting them to emerge from their rooms in a haze of loveliness just doesn’t happen. But give them something to DO with us, and they come out of their tweenage funk. Walks, footie, even peeling the veg. Last night we decided “can’t beat them, join them” and had a 2 hour “among us” family session