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Christmas for 1

45 replies

ChristmasFor1 · 15/11/2020 13:26

Please move if in the wrong section

Any advice on doing Christmas for just me

It’s unlikely I’ll be able to go to any of my family. My dad will go to his brother who has 3 children and a grandparent living with him so I can’t go there (usually the invite would be extended to me but it’s likely it won’t be this year due to the situation)

My mum and brother will go to my other grandparents house as they can’t possibly be left alone at Christmas (said grandparent has 2 other children who he could go to but my mum won’t hear of it) and they won’t invite me as my GP is ECV and I have a 6 year old still at school so I’m too much of a risk.

Said 6 year old goes to her fathers from 11am Christmas Day until 27th or 28th (haven’t decided yet), there’s a CAO in place so I can’t stop her going I wouldn’t anyway as she adores her father and will have loads of fun with him.

So it’s likely to be just me and the cat after 11am.

As a single parent I’m used to watching what I want on TV all the time so that doesn’t appeal, and I don’t really have the money to be going out anywhere or getting a takeaway so I’ll likely have to cook.

So how can I make it feel special? I will have the tree up, so what meals should I get? I don’t mind cooking but won’t slave over a hot stove for just me so don’t want to spend hours and hours cooking.

For added context I have MH issues so will need something to distract me from loneliness and dark thoughts creeping in (I'm usually well managed as I work and have DD 90% of the time but I won't be working over Christmas and she'll be at her dads so I need a distraction)

Anyone else in that situation?

OP posts:
MaudesMum · 16/11/2020 09:31

In the months leading up to Christmas I tend to buy a few things which I put to one side and then "give" to myself for Christmas. They don't have to be expensive - a new packet of knickers , a book I've been meaning to read, or a slightly nicer soap than usual - but by the time Christmas comes I've frequently forgotten that I've got them. And, on Christmas morning, I have something to open and a bit of luxury in my life!

Carriemac · 16/11/2020 09:43

Invite your
Mum and family round Boxing Day for a nice meal?

Lizsmum · 16/11/2020 09:49

You sound really sensible, thoughtful and practical. I hope you have a really good few days.

Interested in this thread?

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Mendocino · 16/11/2020 09:50

I buy for myself as I am a single parent. I give myself £20 to spend on frivolous things that I would not normally buy( Some nice salt scrub, a silly but enjoyable paper back, maybe a home decoration magazine or a nice chocolate bar) and stick them in a gift bag to have on the day. Could you afford to do that ? It’s nice to have treats to help you enjoy the day.
In terms of the actual day, a walk is definitely important. Do you have any craft or creative activities you enjoy? I once spent a lovely Christmas Day, pre children, with nice food, a city walk and an afternoon collaging before a movie. Although you say you watch tv a lot, it is sometimes nice to plan to watch a film you have always meant to see. A plan is definitely good.
I hope you enjoy your day!

TheTeenageYears · 16/11/2020 09:53

Would your Dad consider not going to his brothers so you aren't alone? Whatever happens normally this is the year to be a bit more flexible.

It would be really good if M&S came up with a cook at home but ready prepared meal for 1 including turkey breast, pigs in blankets, roast potatoes, stuffing balls, veg and sachet of gravy which can be removed from foil tray before roasting meat/pots. They may already do this but it needs to have everything included to avoid having to buy extra's or maybe they could do a sort of pick and mix of items so people get exactly what they want but it's in much smaller quantities than usually available.

Babdoc · 16/11/2020 09:57

Why not see if anyone else in your street/local area is going to be alone on Xmas Day, and pair up for a meal and a walk together?
My adult kids both live 50 miles away in a tier 3 lockdown, so if they are not allowed to come for Xmas I have a contingency plan.
One of my bridge partners also lives alone - his kids are 300 miles away, so we’ve agreed to be each other’s back up, and he will come to me for Xmas if necessary.
Alternatively, as a PP suggested, see if any local charities such as homeless hostels need volunteers to serve Xmas lunch etc. You would have the nice glow of feeling useful and wanted, and would have lots of company. One of my DDs used to do the day after Boxing Day for Crisis - she had a lovely time indulging her Scrabble obsession with lots of homeless chaps!
You are definitely not the only person facing this potential problem, OP, and I hope you (and everyone in this position) find a happy solution and have a thoroughly enjoyable day. God bless.

mam0918 · 16/11/2020 10:15

If your mother knows you are alone and suffer MH its pretty selfish to willingly choose her parents (who HAVE other options) over you (who doesnt) - as a parent I would never even concider doing that to my child.

Since there was mention of aunts and uncles can you not go to any of theres if they aren't hosting their parents?

BiddyPop · 16/11/2020 10:24

It sounds like you need to think of things to keep you busy for a few days, not just the rest of Christmas Day.

Yes, plan a nice breakfast with DD and opening her presents with her. Have a good Christmas playlist going.

Once she has gone to ExH, plan your day to include cleaning up after she's gone, and getting yourself comfy and relaxed.

You will need at least 1 more meal - you don't necessarily want a lot of fuss, but some prepping and cooking may help to keep you busy - so plan something that you love, don't make yourself very often, but that is not too complicated to put together.

And have other easy to prepare and eat things to snack on as well - that you enjoy and are a treat to you. And while alcohol is out, you should still get yourself a drink that YOU really enjoy and don't have often - if hot chocolate, a really good one with proper cream for putting on top; posh bottle of lemonade; seedlip and tonic (I think it's seedlip is the alcohol free "gin"); good ginger beer (alcohol free type); etc. Or even just your favourite squash but made with sparkling water and adding a slice of fruit or mint leaf as garnish.

Something to pick up and put down over the few days would be good. Like a jigsaw, colour by numbers, good book or new magazine with lots of interesting articles (New Yorker, Spectator, Phoenix, National Geographic) - I know they are not the cheapest magazines, but the same kind of price as a book and usually very interesting but short pieces (especially if a book is too much to keep your interest).

Make your house comfy. Light the fire if you have one. Have candles or lamps rather than full ceiling lights. Bring out any nice blankets you have to curl up under when reading/watching tv.

Get out into the fresh air when you can. A walk every day is good to have generally, but if there are any scenic spots within reach, take the chance to get out and go for a good tramp around. (Have the water organised to have a long hot shower or bath when you come in - so getting cold and wet doesn't matter because you will be warming up afterwards). (And have the makings of a warm drink ready too before you go out in case you need it when you get in - kettle filled and mug, teabag/coffee/hot choc ready beside it, and maybe the pack of biscuits or mince pie to enjoy with it). Yoga on youtube could be something to do indoors if the weather is foul.

Maybe at some point do a long relaxing bath or full facial/nails/deep condition hair etc.

If DM won't let you go to her for 25th, can you meet up with her and DB on 26th or 27th? (And I presume she would have a phonecall on 25th for you to say Hi to everyone even if not zoom/skype).

The same for DF - could you meet him for a while on a later day? Or visit DUncle on 26th if DF has left, so you can still see DGP etc?

Is there a friend you can go for a walk with 1 of the days?

And try not to dread it as that makes it much easier for the demons to take hold. I know it's trite, but look forward to it by having various things that are treats to you (whatever that means to you) that you will be enjoying spread out over the time. So you have small moments to look forward to enjoying instead of 1 big hole while DD is away. They don't need to be elaborate or expensive, just things that cheer you up.

ifonly4 · 16/11/2020 10:37

Being positive, you only need to buy in foods you'll enjoy. I always like to get out for a walk xmas day, so if that's for you, then it'll break the day up nicely. What do you crave to do when you haven't got time? Do you enjoy a jigsaw (works do them for £4) or a book?

torthecatlady · 16/11/2020 10:47

Dh is working from 3pm on Christmas Eve, through to Christmas Day in the night. We don't have DSS until Boxing Day this year, so it'll be just me and the cats unless I can find a volunteering gig somewhere!

If not, I plan to sit around, eat junk food and watch stuff on tv. Possibly a little walk as long as it is dry out and come home to a nice hot bath. We'll have our Christmas dinner when DSS is here.

ChristmasFor1 · 16/11/2020 13:13

Thank you everyone, just talking about it has made me dread it less.

Love the idea of a few little presents I can open thoughtout the day, may even get DD to choose a few so I have no idea what they are! I do have some gifts but will get them when DD and I see my mums family which is usually the day she comes back to me so 27th or 28th but I bet if I explain my uncle I'll be alone he'd let me have his and the present from GP on that side to open on the day.

My aunts on my mums side are lovely, but live miles away so aren't an option, if they knew GP on that side would be alone they'd drive up and get him and take him back to theirs, he'd be perfectly fine with this as long as he's got a bed to sleep in and a meal but my mum won't hear of it being the nearest sibling to him, she's the oldest so not sure if she feels it's her job. Like I said I'm not going to cause an argument or make my mum feel guilty for choosing me, especially as my gp is almost 90.

My dad would end up alone himself if I went to my uncles instead - he's my dads only sibling and they jointly take care of my GP on that side. Usually I go there with my dad but it'll make 7 with me so unless the rules change I'm again not going to upset everyone or risk a fine. My uncle and I are close, and he's a single parent too so it wouldn't be fair.

I think I'm going to be ok though, there's a couple of magazines I love but never get to read all in one go due to DD, if I do a toad in the hole a few days beforehand then no effort to cook it on the day, mashing potatoes is stress relieving so that'll be fun too.

I'm not a crafter or artist but I do enjoy a jigsaw so I'll see if I can borrow a big board to do a jigsaw on and hope the cat doesn't use it as a bed and a nice none alcoholic but expensive squash will be lovely after a walk. Can look forward to a lie in on Boxing Day which I rarely get as well!

Thank you everyone, I know it's not going to be the easiest christmas but I can do this!

OP posts:
lifestooshort123 · 16/11/2020 16:07

💐💐💐❤️

stayanotherday · 16/11/2020 18:24

Great post Biddypop.

AdaColeman · 17/11/2020 11:47

I've been alone on Christmas Day for a few years now, and planning ahead is the key to getting through it, and even enjoying it.
Some of my tried & tested tips are:
Get some simple foods in, so you can have something tasty and a bit luxurious with little effort, pâté, cheese, smoked salmon, naice ham, a box or two of party food like mini quiche or Chinese snacks.
Get the makings of some non alcoholic cocktails, have a cocktail of the day menu, make them in nice glasses with trimmings, Virgin Mary with a tray of Tabasco sauce, celery salt, pink salt etc is one idea. Elderflower pressé with fruit syrup and fruit garnish is another.
Get some snacks to go with the drinks, nuts, blinis, crisps & dips.

Start collecting bits and bobs for a stocking for yourself, put them in a gift bag, I get things like stationery, nail varni

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 17/11/2020 11:52

If you fancied going out and some company, have you thought about approaching some shelters to see if you can help on that day?

HardAsSnails · 17/11/2020 11:56

If it were me, as well as all the nice food I'd treat myself to some new pyjamas for the day, a cosy cardigan and new blanket. I'd build a Christmas Lego set and get the cat something to 'open'.

AdaColeman · 17/11/2020 11:58

Sorry, posted too soon!
nail varnish etc, and chocolate of course.

Get some things to do, origami papers, quiz books ( I like the Ordnance Survey books ) knitting, new books on Kindle, a Christmas DVD.

With having a little one you will probably already have decorations up, but maybe get some Christmas napkins or something to make your table nice for yourself. Christmas carols will give you a boost of jollity too!

I hope you have a great day, it really won't be as bad as you imagine!

Mercedes519 · 17/11/2020 12:04

An idea for shopping with your DD is to let her loose in the supermarket and give her a budget - she doesn't have to go too far away from you but can pick some nice things for you that would be a surprise on the day.

Or on Amazon although you might get some random presents!

ChristmasFor1 · 23/11/2020 13:50

Update and it’s good:

My dad has said he’d rather spend a quiet lunch with me rather than go to his brothers. Means my uncle can have his ex-wife over to see her boys on Christmas Day and me and my dad are going to meet up after DDs gone to ExHs for a dog walk and then lunch back at his. So I only need to fill Boxing Day and 27th which will be easier because things will be open like shops so I can walk there and browse.

Thanks covid for meaning I won’t be alone after all Grin

OP posts:
Ted27 · 23/11/2020 15:54

@ChristmasFor1

Great news, good for dad

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