Putting my future on hold for my parent

[DankSaturday]

My DF left us on Christmas Day when I was 12 to start a new life & went on to have 2 half siblings. He married the OW.
He was always late & often didn’t turn up for access pick ups etc. My mother worked 3 jobs to pay the mortgage & keep a roof over our heads.
In my 20’s we fell out & didn’t have any contact for about 5 years. About 15 years ago he made contact. He’d divorced his wife & had a new partner . We made tentative steps to rebuilding our relationship & for him to get to know his GC. We has a very frank relationship. I was the only child that had a conversation with him about what a poor parent he’d been, I couldn’t let him carry on believing he’d given me & my siblings a perfect upbringing. He took the conversation well.
His new partner was incredible, an amazing woman & so good for him.
Unfortunately she died about 5 years ago.
I’d been married for 28 years but I divorced 5 years ago.
I’ve been on my own & due to hideous circumstances I’m living in a shared house. I have a reasonable job but rubbish credit rating. The options for my future are bleak.
This week I had a lightbulb moment.
I can (Covid permitting) move to the other side of the world (dual citizen) & start my life again. I’m old but I can do it.
However, my Dad is very unwell with a degenerative condition. We have been unable to see a consultant for a year so I have no idea how long he has (he could have a year-5 years). He relies on me for daily phone calls.
All my hope & optimism has drained tonight as I realise I can’t just leave him for my other siblings to manage (it’s not fair on them).
Just feel deflated.
It’s horrible to say but after my childhood I’m not even sure I love him but the feelings of obligation are overwhelming

Tricky. Although... He didn't feel the same about you when you needed him...

You can still call him from the other side of the world... yeah timing could be tricky but you need to live your life!

Life is too short. Go ahead and move. He wasn't there for you when you needed him so it wouldn't be fair of him to expect you to care for him now. He's an adult and need to plan his own care. If you move, you can still speak to him on the phone. Your siblings don't have to care for him either, they could just visit on rotation so that he would have one child visit each week. If he is ill, he will need to arrange to either go into a care home or have home carers visiting.

Please don't put your life on hold for a man who abandoned his family when he was fit and well.

You can still call him wherever you are. And if you need you can visit or be there.

Moving away won’t prevent that.

Do what’s best for you,

Go. You can call him from the other side of the world. And he needs to understand and accept that his actions when you were his children and needed his love, care and protection, cast long shadows. But no, your siblings get to make their choices about how much he's a part of their lives, and don't expect them to pick him up.

Thanks for the replies.
I’ve so excited for days about finally thinking I can have a future. My own DC are excited for me.
I know this is the best move for me but he has become so reliant on me (phones 3x before 7am) . He currently has 4 carers a day with various alert buttons so I know someone will always get there

Go. Absolutely go.

Go. Please go. Listen to your children - I'm sure it's a bit of a wrench for them, but they are thinking about their Mum's best interests ahead of their own, and urging you to go.

Your father has no moral high ground from which to ask you not to do what is right for you, and hopefully would not do so.

Live your own life...seriously

Don't waste your precious time on a man who didn't give you his.

I wouldnt feel any degree of obligation to him. If he had been a good parent I would, but he does not sound like he put himself out for you.

So at the min you are calling him daily? You could still call him daily in Australia.

Go. He was not there when needed. You have your life. Go enjoy it life is too short.

Absolutely, go!

He was not there for you when you were a child. He is an adult. And should therefore be able to manage without needing another adult to put their life on hold for his needs.

Agree with all the others saying you can still phone him. He needs to stop being reliant on you (and the 3 early phone calls are too much!)

Go. He left you without a backwards glance to pursue his own happiness. He will understand, if anyone will.

Don't stay for him but why do you need to move to the other side of the world for a fresh start?