To train as a specialist or wait until DS is older - advice needed!

[PoppyBakes]

Hello! I I am a little confused on what I should do, so would love some advice or thoughts from anyone on this one.

I have applied for an amazing opportunity to train as a specialist in a medical field that I have always dreamt about. The training consists of both clinical placements as well as attending lectures; it is an intensive course for 2 years (usually it is 4) on a full time basis. I am a mum to a 15 month old and the course starts a month after his 2nd birthday. I am feeling incredibly torn between starting the training in September 2021 or waiting an additional year until his 3rd birthday.

Childcare would be a combination of DH and my mum, but I feel guilty to leave him behind and pursue a dream while he is still so young. I know many people have no choice but to leave their children to go to work, so I know I am fortunate to have this choice.

A part of me thinks I should go for it, I would be done by time he is 4 he will be with his dad and grandma- and yes, it'll be tough but it will be worth it. I would gain a great qualification and would also change a lot of things for us as a family as our financial situation would improve, job opportunities etc. BUT, the other part of me (a big part) has this guilt that I won't be there and then when he starts school, I'll regret not spending the past two years with him, so if I wait until he is 3, I have until now and sept 2022 to prepare and spend time with one another and can apply once again.

I'm not sure if I've made much sense, or written everything relevant down- so if you need more info, I'll share if need. My thoughts are all over the place! But if anyone has any thoughts, or been through some similar, I'd really appreciate it :)

Wait for a year. You won't regret the time you spend with him but you might regret the time you miss out on.

Childcare can get harder when they start school although might be easier for dh or your dm to do school runs at 9am and 3pm depends on your circumstances (you might have wraparound care with a childminder who can do the school run or a before and after school club, but what if there's no places or your child finds it too tiring - it's weirdly less tiring doing 9-5 in a nursery than it is transitioning from club to school to club or childminder). So for that reason I would do it sooner. But sign him up for pre school, clubs etc that dh and dm can take him to. Good luck.

when he is 4 he will go to full time nursery so your interaction will be less than when he is younger. I would defer it a year if thats possible, or if there is a part time option?

I think children actually need you more/in a more complicated way as they get older in some ways.

It sounds as if you have good childcare. I'd go for it now.

Are you likely to have more children ( or you have older children?)

I think that would impact my answer... age gap etc.

Do it now - course may change, you may not have the same opportunities later, you have the childcare - he has 2 parents, DH isn't doing childcare he's parenting his own child.

Children need you just as much if not more when they are older and you will be working in your better job, with better money and likely with the chance of part time working.

Personally I would crack on.

How many men do you find asking themselves this question - I have an opportunity to train for my dream job but it is FT and my child will be cared for by their mother and a grandparent. Their friends would be

@MoreHairyThanScary this is something we have spoken about- for now it is not on the radar to have any more children and if we did, maybe in 4-5 years. We don't mind having an age gap between the two as I am in early 20s, so not rushing for our next one just yet!

In that case I would crack on and get the course done it would put you in a better position for future mat leaves etc.

It’s not quite the same but I went full time when DD was 18 months for just over a year for us to be able to afford a house and get ahead in an area of my career and although we now have a great house I’m not sure it was worth it when I think about the time I lost with DD, the stress and the tiredness I experienced. I’d love to say just go for it and if you do then I’m sure you’ll make it work but my experience was that it was incredibly tough.

I would do it now. I did a year of specialist training when my daughter was 11 months old. I didn’t return to my old job, which would have been on a part time basis, and instead chose to crack on with the specialist training. My daughter was looked after by in-laws two days a week, my mum once a week, and nursery twice a week. It wasn’t ideal, but I’m glad I did it when I did. My course was also a mix of clinical placements and lectures, plus all the coursework at home, so it was very intense, but manageable with good support in place.

Do it now. A year here or there will make no difference whatsoever to your son but it will make a difference to your earning power. Also you don’t know for definite that the opportunity will still be there in a year.

Don’t feel guilty about ‘pursuing a dream!’ Feel proud that you are giving your son financial security and a role model he can look up to.

@PoppyBakes what training is it? A lot of programmes have very competitive entry and you may not be able to defer if your application is successful. Juggling childcare is generally the biggest concern and it sounds like you’ve got that covered.

I would do it now.
Personally I found working with school aged children more demanding than with babies/toddlers and presumably you will have exams to do as part of this training also? In all honesty I imagine it will be hard at any point but it won't necessarily get any easier if you wait. Plus as others have said, can you even guarantee you will get the same opportunity in a couple of years? If it is what you really want to do, I woukd grab the opportunity with both hands whilst it is there.

@user1493413286 thank you for your honesty, I do anticipate for it to be tough and worry I may look back and regret the time I missed. I hope your new home is the making of lots of happy memories with your DD

The option to defer is available, so I would not miss the opportunity- but there is no option of doing it part-time. It's more of the case of now or later and by now I mean in 10 months time!

Do it now, childcare is easier when they are younger. There is never a guarantee that the same opportunity will be available next time round, the world is so uncertain!
Knuckle down, be honest about the help you need from your support network and it will be over before you know it.

Do it now. The two years will fly by and your DC won’t know any difference.

Thank you all for taking the time to comment! I used to dream about this opportunity and never imagined anything would make me question my decision.

I think I will talk to dh and dm again. They are both completely on board and willing to do whatever it takes which makes the decision entirely on me...Does mum guilt ever go away?!

I’d crack on

My DM is 79 and still finds reasons to be guilty so, I guess not?

Don't recall my DF ever being guilty though.

The Mum guilt is a permanent fixture. It’s great your family is on board so do it.

I’d do it now. Like many have said, it’s actually easier in lots of ways to leave them when they’re younger and it sounds like you have great childcare options in terms of family care. Try to see it as a positive that your mum & dh will have amazing relationships with ds as a result.

Plus it sounds like it will give you more flexibility later on when you are more likely to need it re juggling school etc.

I'd go for it now. Childcare is generally easier before children start school. The more secure your career is the easier it generally is to get some flexibility for first days at school etc.

It's harder to find a balance when they start school id do it now