Things you shouldn't really have to say to your young children..

[VulvaPerson]

as they should go without saying!

Inspired by the latest of ours.

'Stop trying to lick inbetween your sisters toes'

From memory, we have also had at different stages 'stop eating each others bogeys', 'no you cannot cut your food with mr potato heads lips' and 'don't try to poke the dogs bum'

I honestly feel like a right weirdo, and wonder what the neighbours would think if they could actually hear me.

What liquid is this on the floor? No i won't sniff it.

"who painted the cat?"

Did you just swallow that marble?
(he did!)

@BruceAndNosh

"who painted the cat?"

Haha. My sister had this one when my niece was young, though not paint, she had managed to get the sudocreme

That was actually the first time I was exposed to toddlers and the..things they do. I figured niece was just a weird kid. Then I had two of my own..

Sudocreme is almost a swear word in this house, evil stuff (though useful for most things)

"Take the dog's ear out your mouth. I'm sure she doesn't like it".
(Dog looks up at me and starts wagging her tail furiously because apparently having a toddler on her ear really was fun)

Stop hitting your brother with the cucumber.
Why is there yoghurt on the ceiling?

Why is there a teabag shaped stain on the ceiling?
Don't pick your sister's chickenpox scabs.
Take the toast out of the video player.

Why are you eating paint?

( answer not eating, putting on sore gums. We found bonjella)

Stop licking each other’s eyeballs.

Why is there toothpaste on the bathroom ceiling.

Why did I find your (lost) school shoes in the bathroom cabinet.

Stop standing in my knickers. Apparently they were one of the steps on the mummy climbing frame. Sitting working at the computer and the next thing you know somebody is trying to scale you like the north face of the Eiger using the waistband of your trousers as a stepping stone.

Get out of the dustbin.

Said to dc in the middle of a town centre.

Don’t lick the car! Multiple times.

Don't put your finger up the dogs bum is one that sticks in my mind.

We had a lot of don't kick the pokes on the tube and bus as well.

We don't eat food out of the bin. You cannot have a motorbike. Let go of the cat's tail. The cat cannot talk. No not even his name. Put some pants on. Stop putting coins in your mouth. No I wont steal them.

No, we do not eat baubles!

Don't put that in your mouth!. (Screeched after 2 year old had swished his toothbrush in his sisters wee in the potty).
I was too late.

@user1471538283

We don't eat food out of the bin. You cannot have a motorbike. Let go of the cat's tail. The cat cannot talk. No not even his name. Put some pants on. Stop putting coins in your mouth. No I wont steal them.

This sounds similar to a typical morning to me

Don’t put your toe in your sister’s foofoo (twins in the bath age 3 discovered matching “holes”

Don’t use the pergola to swing into the hot tub - are you actually trying to kill yourselves or give me a heart attack? Response “but we’ve done it before” - that makes it worse!

Me: (To 2yo DD) why is the light stick (toy) in bits?
(Walk in the living room to see DS 8 lying on the couch holding a screwdriver)
Did you unscrew the light for your sister?
DS: yes she handed it to me!
Me: omg where are the batteries?
Search the whole of downstairs for small button batteries whilst asking DD if she’s swallowed batteries and the only answer we got was “all open” and DS laughing Whilst explaining to his nan on the phone that his Sister now runs on batteries!
We ended up at A&E where we found out she had swallowed 2 batteries.
I remember coming home and telling DS that just because you are handed something does not mean you have to put a screwdriver to it!

Don't put your toes in your yogurt. Very shortly followed by no, don't suck your toes with socks and yoghurt on.

She's 10 now. She'd probably still do it.

‘Can you stop putting your toothbrush between your butt cheeks’ and ‘remember dirty washing goes in the washing machine and not the toilet’

Don't put that in your bum! (piece of plastic fruit from toy kitchen) he had his nappy off potty training. Said just today.

Don't drink the bathwater was a common one.

“Please don’t fart at people” - 4 year old thought it was hilarious and went through a stage of sneaking up behind people who were sat down and pooping right next to their heads ... he would then fall on the floor laughing
“Stop eating cat food!”
“Don’t lick your brothers tongue “
“Don’t pull on each other’s willies“ - I feel I need to explain this... they went though a play fight after the bath stage and it actually ended in them laid on the floor trying to pull each other’s bits off...
“what the hell were you thinking after the first pea went up your nose to put three more in there!”
“No I don’t want to see your bum hole”

Honestly I might start writing this shit down because one day I’ll want to use it as leverage “clean your room or I will tell your girlfriend you used to try wipe your dads bum”... that was Another one...potty training and the two year old became obsessed with bum wiping 😳😳😳