Snoring end of tether

[Molly333]

Hi my partner snores dreadfully all night and ive just spent another night prodding and poking him all night until 3 am when i asked him to go in another room ( daughters room free temporarily) . He has previously been to the gp who sent him to ear nose and throat who said he has a floppy palate , that was it ,although they did tell him to lose weight.
My problem is this - he becomes very defensive when i say how much the snoring is wrecking everything ( it has reached the point that if we never slept together again i would not care) . He says i snore and yes i do a bit but he sleeps through it fine. He is overweight and does not make an effort to lose any. He has tried mouth guards and strips etc ( i have tried various ear plugs but they do not block it out) . He is scared to consider a CPAP as he lost his job at the start of covid and has just found one and is scared this may effect him working . Any ideas onwards as this is wrecking an otherwise happy relationship ?

He needs to make an effort to lose weight - it makes an enormous difference, speaking from my personal experience. And from my FIL's experience his CPAP has almost eliminated his snoring.

What is his new job? And why on earth would they need to know or care whether he is using a CPAP while asleep in his own home? It's not even like he has to declare a health condition - it's just snoring. (I know it's miserable but it's not like he has COPD or something).

I would sit down with him and tell him how miserable the snoring makes you. He probably gets defensive because he feels like it's not something he's doing intentionally so say that you understand that, but that he hasn't exhausted all the options - weight loss and CPAP machine. And say you'll do it together - download MFP, do 16:8, buy Tom Kerridge's cookbook and plan your meals and portion sizes. Reassure him that you love him and you're not trying to change him, this is all about addressing the snoring.

Good luck. I still snore sometimes but nowhere as bad as when I was larger (and pregnancy...well let's just say DH often slept in the spare room!!)

DP just got a CPAP two weeks ago, and he's already like a different person. We can sleep in the same bed as each other, he doesn't snore at all apart from a a few huffs every now and then, and the machine is very quiet and just sounds like someone breathing. It hasn't kept me awake at all.

He's gone from needing to nap every afternoon, falling asleep during conversations, sleeping through alarms, being late for work, and not remembering things we've talked about to not snoozing an alarm once, hasn't napped since he got it, and he's so much more alert and awake and present. His was quite severe in that he wasn't breathing for 15 minutes an hour on average, and his oxygen desats were really bad. He's like a different person already.

If you think he has sleep apnoea, he needs to get a referral to the respiratory department. It might take a while- DP had his sleep test way back in March and only just received his machine due to this year being very busy for the hospital obviously, but it's good to get it on track. But if he does have apnoea this could change both of your lives in a very positive way. DP wishes he had done it years ago.

I assume the CPAP thing is because he has a driving job? In which case, wouldn't untreated sleep apnea be a whole lot more dangerous than getting treatment?

I feel for you OP. My DH is a snorer and is currently going through investigations which have been delayed by covid. Not eating late at night seems to help him, as well as using a side sleeping pillow. Also, not napping so he goes into a deeper sleep, where he tends to sleep more peacefully. However, if we had a spare room, I'd be sleeping in there!