I am not clever

[windygates]

Does anyone else worry about their intelligence?

As I get older I become more aware of the fact I am not very bright.

School was difficult but more that I missed a few years so my grades were very poor, I did go to university and left with a degree but actually I know so little about life things.

I have tried to read more to be able to understand but I have huge gaps where I have no knowledge at all.

My grammar and writing skills are shocking and when my children ask me things I generally have to google the answer.

How can I change this?

I’m not naturally clever; and have dyslexia. I try and read up on lots of different things, read the news, talk to others, learn from google etc.

Googling the answer is fine, as you are learning and then hopefully know the answer

What you need is a greater depth of knowledge, it's not related to intelligence and the fact you want to improve this shows intelligence.
Read, novels or fact books but read outside comfort books.
Watch kids TV, horrible history, operation ouch is full of interesting things and you can use this as a way of finding out new things.
Be involved in kids education, I read around a subject that my kids are doing, or watch YouTube or documentaries on it.
Watch game shows, it's amazing what you can pick up.
Googling is a life skill these days, show your kids how to get the knowledge and learn together.

Why do you have to be 'bright?'

Accept yourself as the way you are, you don't sound to be too bad. If you do want to brush up your grammar, your local library will have books/CD to help. Also life skills books in the Advice section if there's anything you're particularly interested in, for knowledge.

You have a degree so at least you applied yourself to learning academically, at some stage. Aside from that read up whether books or online, about stuff that sparks your curiosity.

But really, you don't sound too bad. We can't all know everything. We can't all be oh so worldly wise. & we don't need to be.

You are not academic maybe? But trying degree suggest you are academic enough. To get a degree
I teach very low ability teenagers in Main Steam education who can't name the city they live in or explain basic information about their families so I think you are being hard on yourself and have too high expectations of yourself

If your not happy with your grammar there are apps on line courses to help with that

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. Knowledge and intelligence are two separate things.

Not everybody is very clever and they do all right. Trump anyone?! Not that anything he does is "all right", but he's got quite far and he's a total numpty if you see what I mean.

Your comment As I get older I become more aware of the fact I am not very bright says that you are quite bright. Otherwise you wouldn't notice that there is a lot of stuff you don't know, and there really is a lot of stuff most people don't know.

Anyone can improve their knowledge. Just keep reading a lot. There is so much information out there that it can overwhelming. Maybe you can start by expanding on the school questions your kids ask? I mean, a 6 year old can be learning about the rainforest superficially, but you really can go to town and become an armchair expert if you want to!

Could you ask your children's school in confidence for advice on courses? Or look up adult learning on your local council website?

Sorry for shocking typos !!! I have two degree and an ma! Who cares what you know just don't be an idiot regarding conspiring theories and you are clever in my book

• conspiracy. Fuck me , I think I am clever ....

I have a good career and manage on a day to day level but feel like I have little awareness or understanding how things work.

I'm not explaining this well.

My husband is a clever man, he always seems to know about everything without the need to google it!

I do read and I enjoy learning but struggle to retain what I have read, that's not normal I don't think?

I really enjoy being in the company of clever people, I love listening especially when they talk with passion.

I have friends who seem to know a lot too about general stuff.

I shall look at grammar and maybe writing information.

I guess in lockdown when home schooling was going on I become mush life award if my deficits!

It's hard being a grown up and having children that expect you to have all the answers.

Same. I wish I was academically gifted but alas, I am merely average and mediocre.

Some subjects at school never interested me. As I've grown older my interests have change and I have just started to enjoy history. I knew nothing about the world wars but now I do after reading, watching etc. I am highly unlikely to retain much of what I have learnt but I enjoyed learning it.

I know an awful lot about one subject and it seems hard to retain other information knowing that It won't come in useful.

OP, give an example of what you feel you’re lacking in terms of ‘awareness and understanding how things work’? I am clever, well-read in several languages, am a news junkie and a big reader, have four degrees etc etc, and questions from my eight year old have me looking up things all the time! Children ask questions about the most giant and the most basic things on a daily basis, some of which are just not in my interest or knowledge zone, or which I vaguely know about but not in a specific enough way to answer a child’s questions.

I’ve certainly had to look up things to do with the following recently — how you make a vaccine, how nuclear bombs work, the siege of Jadotville, the legal aftermath of the sinking of Titanic re. lifeboat capacity, chimp/human DNA, the history of dragons in myths, penguin evolution, etc etc.

Parenting certainly fills you with a sense of your own vast ignorance, but also, it’s fun to look things up!

Your grammar and writing seem pretty good in your OP!

I suspect that your general knowledge and intelligence may well be average or better, but you are more aware of any gaps/deficiencies than most people. An awful lot of people seem to have gaps and deficiencies which they are blissfully unaware of, and this probably makes them feel more confident about life!

Incidentally, if your kids are studying English grammar in school and you're baffled by the terms and ideas involved, DO NOT assume that this is because you're thick or ignorant. The English grammar taught for the SATS at the moment is very confusing and badly thought out, in my opinion. I'm actually really good at that sort of thing and pretty knowledgeable [modesty alert] and even I can't tell what they're going on about half the time. Plus our generation were never really taught English grammar in school anyway. So don't be fazed by the SATS grammar madness.

Googling is fine. I've got an English degree and have to google my y5s grammar homework sometimes, I've forgotten so much.

Of course you are clever, you got a degree so you have the ability, but you won't know new things or things out with your normal day to day scope if you aren't told/take time to learn them.

I realised this too with ds(16) going through school and he would come to me and ask me questions I didn't know. Doesn't mean I am not clever, if I spent time on it my knowledge of maths, physics, modern studies etc would be much stronger!!

The best things you can give you children is not the answer but the tools to find it this time and the next time:

1. Teach them to problem solve, ask them to explain the problem, what they know, what they don't know, what is missing to find the answer. Show them how to look at all the resources available to them to find the answer (teacher, books, notes, parents, other family/older cousins, friends, internet)

2. Get them to think about why they didn't know i.e. not listening or asking questions in class, not taking good notes, or when older not revising what they were taught that day and how they can improve.

3. Throughout their entire school career, show interest in what they are learning and get them to explain it to you (as you aren't clever enough to know or cant remember from your school days) and ask probing questions. This helps consolidate their learning, motivates them as they can show off how clever they are, lets you know if they are struggling in any particular areas where you can guide them and you also might learn something interesting too. I have learned so much about the Scottish Parliament/devolution through ds and his Modern Studies that I really should have known before 😳 and he enjoyed explaining it to me.

@windygates

I have a good career and manage on a day to day level but feel like I have little awareness or understanding how things work.

I'm not explaining this well.

My husband is a clever man, he always seems to know about everything without the need to google it!

I do read and I enjoy learning but struggle to retain what I have read, that's not normal I don't think?

I really enjoy being in the company of clever people, I love listening especially when they talk with passion.

I have friends who seem to know a lot too about general stuff.

I shall look at grammar and maybe writing information.

I guess in lockdown when home schooling was going on I become mush life award if my deficits!

It's hard being a grown up and having children that expect you to have all the answers.

It sounds like you might have a specific semantic memory deficit (difficulty remembering facts) rather than a lack of general intelligence! I have the same thing- I struggle to retain information but my ability to make links between information is better than average. My episodic memory (for daily events etc.) is also really good- maybe you're the same?

What kind of thing are you talking about? I consider myself pretty intelligent, but there are millions of things I don't know much about. Being intelligent means that if I then go and read about that thing, I'm able to learn about it or understand it. And even then, it's up to a point as I still have some things that for whatever reason, I just can't really absorb information on - I have worked with financial services firms for 20 years and have no problem following conversations on their products and services but I STILL struggle with basic accounting. I can read and understand it in the moment, but the moment I walk away, it's all gone from my head again instantly. It's weird. Doesn't make me less intelligent.

Dh has 2 masters degrees and is very ‘bright’, but he’s like you in that his brain doesn’t work in a practical way.

We’re all different. I don’t have a degree, but I’m very practical and have lots of other useful skills too, have loads of knowledge about things, but find it very difficult to explain or break down the processes of how I do things (I’m crap at job interviews!)

I know loads of people with or without degrees who have large knowledge gaps with regard to doing stuff. Does it matter?

Don’t stress about it. We can’t all know everything.

OP given some of the very strange spellings and poor use of grammar on many of posts across the boards on MN, I’d say based on your OP you’re doing pretty well. You can clearly spell and use grammar correctly. Why or what has caused you to think you’re not clever? What are you making this assessment against?

OP I am sorry to hear that you feel this way. For what it's worth, your grammar and writing don't seem poor at all.

As PP have said, there are lots of different aspects to intelligence. Given that you have a degree and have managed to build a good career, I am guessing that you are very good at understanding and processing information (in order to do your job well). It sounds as if there are two main areas where you feel less confident:

1. The actual volume of knowledge that you have.
2. Your ability to retain new information once you learn it.

For the first, the best thing to do (as others have suggested) is to read / watch / look things up more widely. Resources for kids can actually be brilliant here, because they cover all the main points without going into too much detail. Try some DK history / science / art books with your kids, or at some of the National Geographic Kids series.

For the second, perhaps look into ways of improving your memory? I think that having a good memory for information can play a big role in feeling / coming across as intelligent. I don't have any specific suggestions, but I am sure that there are loads of resources online that you can use to help your memory to grow stronger.

I do enjoy learning alongside my children, when they show interest in something I happily get books and read with them. The downside is that I then cannot remember what I have learnt within a few days of learning it!

In relation to grammar it's more things like when to use a comma, should there be a capital after a comma ( I actually googled this recently) just basics really.

When home schooling we were doing adjectives/ nouns and so on, I did not know which was which and had to go and look it up!

My friend is a teacher and will talk about what the children are learning, I will nod my head as if I understand but actually have no idea. I then start doubting my abilities because 8 year olds know more than I do!

I was going to ask, who is making you feel ‘not clever’? Or that being clever is very important. You sound like an intelligent and thoughtful human being.

I do understand that missing a few years of school will mean there are gaps in your learning. There has also been a big change in the curriculum. I’m in my 40’s - when I was at school, there was less emphasis on grammar and though I did well in English at the time, I have had to learn all about grammar with my children. My poor old 40 something brain does not retain information the way it used to so sometimes I forget it again!!

In 50 years I've only really met one stupid person but he certainly isn't aware of it judging by the mansplaining he does. Every time he opened his mouth it confirmed what a numpty he is. It was painful to endure and his much older gf didn't always take him out because she was embarrassed of him.

He was aware of this so used her earnings to pay for prostitutes to make himself feel better. He told her she should be grateful because he negotiated the price. He was completely unaware of the ironies in the situation.

So in brief if you are aware of your knowledge gaps you're nowhere as stupid as you might think.

"I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing." (Socretes)

OP, if you think you know nothing, I think you are in pretty good company!