Melancholia vs Depression?

[throughawindowdarkly]

I am just back from a walk, I'm in scotland so its already getting dark, its wet and windy and leaves and moss everywhere, naked branches. It has an almost spooky graveyard feel. I was listing to some emotive music and felt quite overcome with a sort of sadness or a longing that I couldn't quite pin point and I cried a few fat tears as I walked home.

Now I'm home, I've made myself a cup of tea, had a snack and I feel lovely all cosy looking out the window at the rain and trees as night falls looking forward to this evenings dinner!

I get this quite a lot and cry a lot, moved by music or nature or just something inside. Its always a private thing (except for now when I am posting it on mumsnet). A friend I spoke to about this recently said feeling that way regularly wasn't normal and indicated that I might be depressed. I don't think I am depressed, I have I think a way of letting my sadness out but then its not even always sadness its just a wave of emotion that I let wash over me then it passes and I normally feel really good. It feels like a healthy outlet for me and I am aware that i am very lucky not to suffer for deppression or mental illness, this post is in no way saying sad interludes are a fix for depression, I know its way more complex than that.

I sort of think of them as melancholy moments and perhaps more poetic or emotional than being unwell. Am I right in thinking there is a distinction between this sort of sadness and depression?

I get it too i get lots of bouts of meloncholia its normal. Your friend is wrong to say its not normal. Some people are just emotional and see things differently doesnt make them depressed.

I think you're right that it's normal, we we are the only species as far as we know who are aware of their own mortality and of others. How can we not be melancholic from time to time? Depression for me is when you are unable to function or experience any enjoyment in life whatsoever. Everyone is different and medicalising the human condition is a bad habit we've gotten into I think.

@Shaniac Thanks for that response, i think its healthy at least for me, afterwards I usually always feel good, like I've had a good cry or something. I agree that people probably are different in how they process emotion, some people like to workout stress at the gym for example.

Reading back I would say that you are blessed to have a way of expressing emotions without them taking over. Repressing emotions is worse and can lead to things such as addiction to block out feelings.

It sounds healthy OP! Enjoy your lovely autumn walks and emotive music. We shouldn't fear sadness it's a valid human emotion.

@Iggypoppie good points, I agree and also about medicalising the human condition.

Oh I’m like this! I’ve also suffered from depression. I actually know my depression is creeping back when I can’t do this sort of thing, a windy walk and sad music and a good cry is a really healthy way of processing (at least it is in my world!)

It’s when I’m not giving myself an outlet and then having a cuppa after - when I can’t reflect on the terrible and brilliant nature of the world - that’s when I worry about how my mental health is going. I’m a naturally emotional person, so when I’m not being emotional somethings wrong. Your friend may well be different and for her a cry and a walk in the rain would be a sign of problems.

I think we’re all different but the best indicator of depression is when you’re not being yourself and that could be being more emotional or less so. There’s no one size fits all rule.

@Iggypoppie it does work for me at least and I'm sure many other people.

@XmasDrawings Thank you I will!

Same as DollyWilde i have had depression and theres a huge difference. For some reason people dont like people crying sadness is seen as a bad thing and we try and avoid feeling sad at all costs, so it seems alien to some that we would seek out things that make us cry. I cried in an art gallery once and security fetched me a chair. All my artists friends laughed and understood me crying but my none artsy friends were all perplexed and couldnt wrap their heads around why i cried at a painting.

@Dollywilde Well its good to know I'm not alone in feeling that way. I suspect you are right that it really is individual and hopefully my friend appreciates that too and isn't concerned about me.

I think sometimes emotion is a bit frowned on and I know when I was younger and would cry infront of some people they might be triggered by it and feel like I was using my tears to manipulate them, perhaps because that tactic had been used on them before? For me its always just been a way to process and let go of emotions and I have had to learn to keep it private!

I'm sure everyone is emotional but just in different ways. I hope you are doing well and able to get out on your walks Dolly!

@Shaniac I totally agree with you, its seen as quite negative or weak where as I've always found a lot of strength in it. I've no wish to make others feel bad or uncomfortable though. I think often its resisting the emotion, the sadness or whatever that is harmful, not the feeling of it. In the end its just an emotion so let it wash over the through you.

Absolutely. Its a common phenomenon in artists and writers even music. In fact theres an album called "meloncholy and the infinite sadness"

@throughawindowdarkly I totally get that. My mum hates how emotional I am (though I suspect part of that is her just not wanting to see her daughter sad!) She thinks that if you have a cry it’s going to send you into a negative spiral whereas I think actually it’s just really good just to get it all out. Being human is hard, and surely appreciating and accepting the sad bits also makes you appreciate the incredible bits?

Also the thing on tears/manipulation - my best friend rarely cries out of sadness but often cries out of frustration or anger and she says she gets this a lot and hates it - she’ll be trying to make a serious point when she thinks she’s in the right, but the tears creep in and make her look like she’s just turning on the waterworks to win her point. Like we’ve said I think it’s so based in your own experience and often people just can’t imagine the emotional range of others (for example while I totally get where best friend is coming from, I’m not an angry crier at all!)

And thank you, as a newish mum to a 12 week old DD on mat leave I am getting many many lovely autumnal walks where I reflect on the incredible and heartbreaking nature of mortality, OTT as that may sound

@Shaniac Oh the Smashing Pumpkins of course! I actually went to art school myself so I do agree!

@Dollywilde "Being human is hard, and surely appreciating and accepting the sad bits also makes you appreciate the incredible bits?"

Yes to this, I think its very true! Also congratulations on your baby, thats a whole other dimension of human emotion

I'm the same, but also have a tendency towards depression/SAD during the winter, so the two things sometimes overlap.

Melancholia is such a lovely word, and I find that people who have such tendencies are often nicer, kinder people than others.

The world needs all personality types for balance, as there are many jobs that a sensitive soul would be good at, whereas someone less emotional could perform roles the sensitive person couldn't handle, and vice versa.

Thanks for this thread op its always nice to hear people talking about this sort of thing. Dp is not creative at all and doesnt get it.

Hi OP, do you know this womans work or other research/read on sensitivity?
hsperson.com/

@lastnightthemooncame I haven't but it looks really interesting, thanks for the link!