Is my DH being unreasonable or me?

[Butwhhhyyyyyyy]

Didn't know where to post this, I am classed as extremely vulnerable to covid and at risk of severe complications of I catch it by doctors and told I should still isolate/shield. We are in Wales and have come out of lockdown now.

2 DC back at school and DH worked throughout all lockdowns. DH works alone 90% of time in his office (relevant)

Now lockdown is over he wants to start his 2 hobbies again. 1 with up to 15/20 people and the other alone/in a group. He says they will socially distance outside but distancing doesn't always happen.

He thinks I am being very unreasonable to ask him not to until I can have a vaccine and if docs want me to shield I should have another letter (doctors phoned me).

So am I being over the top or is he? Thanks

He is BVU!

YANBU Are his hobbies really more important to him than the life of his wife?

If the doctors say you are extremely vulnerable and need to shield then that’s that.
I’ve heard lots of people claim to be “shielding” when they mean they are vulnerable but yours sounds like proper shielding (transplant, chemo etc) so YANBU and he needs to shield you, end of.

Thank you, I have tried to explain how bad it could be if I catch it but he says he can't stay in until next year, his hobbies come first before everything, always have, and he has really missed them.

His hobbies come before everything? Including you? What would he say if you said that to him?

You are not at all unreasonable and if the shoe was on the other foot I dare say you would do it without grumbling for him. He is being selfish. This is likely a temporary situation going by the latest developments and he can wait till it’s done with to keep you safe!

Yanbu, sod being that low on his priorities list. He's selfish imo

Blimey how selfish . Maybe suggest he moves out if he wants to do them that much . You need to look after you here so it appears

Of course YANBU to prioritise your life - not even being selfish as you have two young dc!

However I know a lot of people find it incredibly hard wfh alone - you haven't said if you work or not but if he is doing a stressful job and being the main/sole breadwinner then sometimes hobbies can be the only thing keeping you just about clinging on and not descending into depression/stress etc. It's a bit harsh not to allow him to do anything for himself for almost a year or more.

You haven't said what the hobbies are so hard to say if you giving him an automatic no might be being a bit unreasonable - e.g. you say hobby two can be done alone cant see any reason why he can't resume that?

If one of them is, for example, cycling then YABU to say he can't go at all - the physical and mental benefit to him going out on his bike alone, outdoors, with a minuscule transmission risk, would imho outweigh the very very tiny risk to you. I would even say it would be fine to go with one or two mates. However if he wanted to go on a group ride with 15 others including a group meal at a pub afterwards....maybe not. Is there any room for compromise at all?

Compromise.

He can do the one hobby that allows him to be alone. (But not in the group)

Or he finds a new solitary hobby.

Couldn’t you both compromise and he just do one of them? He could take precautions and shower as soon as he gets in etc. Lockdown in Wales has been harsh and people have found it tough, I can understand him wanting to get out and have a little normality again. His mental health is important too.

YANBU to ask him not to attend a group if there's no or little SD, however do you know that? And what about the 'hobby' he can do alone, why can't he do that?

Are Wales still shielding? I know Boris said people weren't being asked to shield again but that could be just England.

YABU to not just say what the hobby is. Why is it always so cryptic! We all know it's probably cycling, just say that.

It sounds a bit strange that your DH is unaware of your medical condition

his hobbies come first before everything

Even his wife's life?! Wtf.

He is being bloody selfish. Tell him he can do his hobbies if he moves out. Selfish git.

@Butwhhhyyyyyyy

Thank you, I have tried to explain how bad it could be if I catch it but he says he can't stay in until next year, his hobbies come first before everything, always have, and he has really missed them.

So where will he be living and how often does he want to see the kids?

Because"my hobbies are more important than your physical health and the children's mental health" would be an absolute deal breaker.

I was going to say can you keep apart at home, sleep in different rooms etc. but he really just need to take his selfish arse and go somewhere else permanently