I've had a dreadful day of news and need somewhere to offload

[MumTumLovesPuns]

I couldn't figure out which topic to put this in but knew I needed to offload.

Essentially: my very old and frail granny has been readmitted to hospital, she's been bouncing back and forward between care home and hospital since the beginning of July when my mum was finally able to see her beyond the doorstep and realised she really wasn't well. She's bed bound and, I think, pretty much done. No one has been able to see her in person since the end of July because of quarantine rules between the hospital and the care home. Covid is shit.

Her son starts immunotherapy on Friday for a tumour on his lung, he's in the US. Says it's a good prognosis etc and doesn't want sympathy but it's another worry.

My mother in law was admitted to hospital yesterday. She's had a CT today and have found a tumour on her kidney which has spread to her lung. No treatment plan yet, she only had the scan around teatime. She's home but is terrified. She's in Wales, we're in London. Covid is shit.

And then we had word that a student at work (I work at a Uni) died by suicide at the weekend. A first year student.

One far too young, one very old and too not very old in the middle.

On top of all the other 2020 shit I'm just not sure I've got enough reserves to cope.

Oh I am so sorry - that is all awful, and all coming at once makes it even harder.

I am sending hugs. .... try to treat yourself kindly.

God Hun hope ur ok...terrible news for ur family and u all have a lot going on then to top it off covid...what a year it's been...make sure u look after yourself and speak to someone if u need xxx

It’s a lot to take. I’m so sorry.
My df is 90 soon and I’m so frustrated I can’t see him. Covid really adds an extra layer of crap onto everything.

Bloody hell, that's so much awful
Massive hugs to you.

Oh that's horrible. Thinking of you x

That is a lot to cope with at one time . Be kind to yourself and I hope you have some one with you to give a proper hug

Thanks all.

At the moment anyone that could give me a hug needs me to hug them if you know what I mean. In some ways that's the worst thing about this year, everyone needs a hug and the cycle of hugs can't be made. Sometimes no contact at all. DH is withdrawing into himself-its how he copes-and he'll bury himself in work, be snappy and tell me he's just tired. Funny how "tired" means so many things isn't it?

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have so many people to love in my life. It's just today I can feel the pivot again, I'm 42 and so the numbers to care for and lose will only increase. I don't mean that to be maudlin, it's just accurate. I lost a very good friend in our early 20s and that made me very conscious that loss happens when we least expect it. I'm terribly sad about my granny (who I'm close to) and terribly worried about my mum but that's part of the wheel of life and so I've kinda made my peace with it. My uncle is in his 60s and otherwise well and fit with the immunotherapy predicted to do what it needs to do. And although I'm awfully sad about the student I wasn't personally close to him and so I can be reasonably objective. I've known suicides in my wider family and friendship circles and have seen the devastation it brings with it. As a sector we have to get better at better support but I also know he had the best we could offer.

My MIL I can't accept. It's just not fair, not right and I'm furious about it. I'm just hoping that there's a good treatment option and I also hope she's not already decided she's dying. Then my location snobbery kicks in and I want her seen in London or Manchester near the researchers, not in the countryside! But then that's because I know folk in London who are part of that ecosystem so perhaps it's just that I feel there could be strings I could tug here.

So I've eaten a piece of fresh banana bread and had one small glass of red. What the actual fuck will tomorrow bring ...

A big hug!

I'd hug you if I could (even though I'm not the huggy sort), it's a pretty shit deal you have right now.

That's so shit OP. Sending cwtches.

Where in Wales is your MIL? Velindre in Cardiff is wonderful. They've kept my parent alive for 4 years past a terminal diagnosis with an 18 month prognosis.

@DMCWelshcakes

That's so shit OP. Sending cwtches.

Where in Wales is your MIL? Velindre in Cardiff is wonderful. They've kept my parent alive for 4 years past a terminal diagnosis with an 18 month prognosis.

Thanks! That's good to hear about the care, she's borders so it'll be English hospitals. She's in a "virtual ward" at the moment, so at home but still admitted which seems like a very humane approach. She's just so dreadfully scared. She, her DP and my SIL had a call with the Macmillan nurse today who they said was fab. It's just the limbo...I'm a pragmatist and kinda need to know what to swing into action, I'm shit at hanging around. My DH has, as expected, kinda shut down a bit but at least Covid means he's working from home rather than hiding at the office.

I want to win the lottery so I can buy a massive place and put everyone into their own rooms with the right care where I can see them!

MIL has great support around her physically. But her dad is on his own and dreadfully isolated with dementia encroaching. They normally speak every night. Her sister is going to see him on Friday to tell him what's what as his neighbour got in touch with her to ask if my MIL really was in hospital (he'd spoken to my MIL's partner the evening she was admitted) and my MIL doesn't want him to hear from his neighbour. That whole family dynamic is a shit show so fuck only knows what will happen there.

Another reason I'm venting here is that I like swearing!

I just want to jump up and down shouting "it's not fair". I'm furious at God, at the world and more. But I'm the rock and so have to vent in controlled hisses of steam rather than messy volcanic splurges. My DS knew it was serious when he saw my DH crying. I'm terrified of what it'll do to DS , his anxiety is just at bay.

You know if you met me in RL I'd steer right away from all this stuff. I've told a couple of friends the list and I know there's support there but I also know it's incredibly unlikely I'll ask for it, I just don't. But I'd be the first to tell others to reach out and lean on.

There's just so much sadness on DH's side of the family, for all sorts of reasons, and I guess I was just hoping that the new script MIL had written would play out into a long, healthy and happy retirement. But now what.

She's only 62.

My Granny is asleep on AAU last we heard. I just want her to not be in pain, not be scared and to see her daughters before she goes. Part of thinks she's just hanging on for that.

My uncle (dad's side) died in March, non Covid but pneumonia. He had complex additional needs and so never lived independently. We did his funeral as a webcast with a promise that we'd celebrate him when we could all be together again but at this rate it feels like that will never come. I've really struggled with knowing he was on his own and that he wouldn't have understood all the ppe etc. But I know the nurses will have cared for him. My batty great aunt went in the summer and we did unattended for her, it would have been too bleak otherwise

This year has just been relentless. And I have to dig deep again knowing that others are having to dig even deeper.

I'm very sorry that you have so many awful things to deal with. You are doing well to keep going. I hope you can find support and comfort from sharing your burdens, both here and real life. Take care.

2020 just keeps giving. Today my wonderful almost 8 year old daughter had a diagnosis of juvenile arthritis.

I feel like there's so much pressure from so many directions that I'm just being squashed.