Can anyone help me with the delicate situation, please?

[frostedcart]

I know this is a bit much for chat, but I think I might get more replies here. I've worried myself so much about this, and I can't stop myself going over it. It all sounds awful, and I'm already very anxious, so please be kind.

My DD (nearly 8) has been complaining of pain down below. I eventually looked (haven't had cause to look for years) and noticed something odd. She seems to have two holes down there with a piece of skin between them, instead of just one. I don't mean the urethra or adhesions, I mean two holes next to each other behind the urethra, with a thin piece of skin between them.

I know she needs to go to the GP, for the soreness if nothing else. I feel I need to bring up the other thing, but I'm so worried that I'll be accused of being inappropriate to notice this. It isn't immediately obvious - perhaps just because she moved a certain way and I was having a good look for anything that was wrong - so the GP might not see it and might wonder how I could. But I did, and now I can't pretend I haven't!

I do have really bad anxiety already, and I keep thinking they'll think something bad. But if I do nothing, I'm feel I'm letting my DD down. What would you do, or how would you word it please?

Thank you if you read this far.

From what you’ve written I don’t think you’ve any reason to be anything other than open and frank with the doctor. You were right to look and you’ve seen something you don’t understand. Just ask doctor if it is anything unusual or to be concerned about.
I can’t quite picture it (and don’t need more details ) but you’re doing everything right - doctor won’t think anything odd at all.

Oh my goodness OP, just tell the GP what you said here - your daughter asked you to check her for soreness and you noticed it! It’s entirely fine.

I would ask for a female doctor when booking the appointment. Ask to speak to the doctor on the phone first without your DD around so she won’t hear your concerns, and when there the doc can say they are looking because it’s sore and not because you think you’ve seen something wrong.

Did you mean two holes in the urethra + the vagina, or are you worried between the proximity of her urethra and vagina? Sorry if I'm being obtuse.

Is it her hymen with a hole or two in it?

They will may ask if you have any concerns about abuse. This is a standard question. My husband was asked it when he took out 2 year old to the gp, when he looked concerned the gp explained it’s a standard question and nothing specific.

He took her with a gynea issue. It’s not a standard standard q!

Thank you all for your advice.

@JamieFrasersSwingingKilt I think that's what it is. I've googled this and seen that this requires minor surgery to correct.

I think if it was immediately obvious, I would be fine with going to the GP. My fear is that they will have a fleeting glance and not see it. Then they'll either dismiss my concerns or think I've looked too much - I really wasn't, but I was looking for any sign of anything that could be hurting her.

I've no concerns about abuse at all, just to add.

I noticed something similar with my DD when she was a baby. I took her to a female dr who diagnosed the problem. I confess it was too long ago for me to remember what it was now. I know that's unhelpful in this instance. In any case, I do remember a medicated cream was prescribed. I had to massage it into the area to help the skin dissolve/break away.

Please don't worry. Just go to the dr, explain the symptoms that caused you to inspect your DD, and go from there. You're being a responsible parent.

Re the soreness, is she washing and cleaning herself regularly and properly. Had this with my 5 year old a few weeks ago. Her vulva was red and inflamed. We bathed her and applied good old Sudacreme afterwards for a couple of nights and all was fine again.

I think this is called an imperforate hymen.
There are different types and I had one. I actually cut mine with a paring knife as a teen . It was a fleshy string of skin that I found when I attempted to use tampons.
I would just tell the doctor that your dd has had a sore vulva and when you looked you noticed something and think she may have an imperforate hymen.

@Foobydoo

I think this is called an imperforate hymen. There are different types and I had one. I actually cut mine with a paring knife as a teen . It was a fleshy string of skin that I found when I attempted to use tampons. I would just tell the doctor that your dd has had a sore vulva and when you looked you noticed something and think she may have an imperforate hymen.

OMFG! were you in agony?

@lalafafa I don't remember it hurting, I had great difficulties using tampons and couldn't get them out as they got caught in the skin. I was too embarrassed to tell my mum so one day I just got a knife and cut it. I do realise I am lucky not to have ended up with blood poisoning or an infection though.

It sounds like a partly fused inner labia?

My DD2 had completely fused inner labia as a baby and toddler - she just had a line where her vaginal opening should be. The young GP (looking quite freaked out!) referred us to a specialist paediatric urologist.

The specialist told me fused labia are quite common (probably more common than we know as we don’t usually look that closely) and they mostly resolve ie split apart by itself before potty training age. DD’s resolved around age 3 or 4.

I read that if it does not resolve, it can lead to UTI issues, which sounds like what may be happening to your DD. I would suggest asking your GP for a referral to a paediatric urologist. We saw this consultant link in case you are near SW London. My guess is she will need a very small surgical procedure to remedy it but it may be that cream will do the job.

I don’t think you need to be worried about inappropriateness. Your DD told you she was sore so you had a look, with her consent. That’s fine and normal IMO. Please don’t let worry about that stop you from getting medical help.

@foobydoo I think you're right, although maybe hers is a septate hymen because I think imperforate has no hole at all (I've been Googling quite a bit the last couple of days 🤦🏻‍♀️).

I'm worried that she will be too embarrassed to go to the GP when she's older too, so thought it might be better to address it now while she's less self-conscious.

@JamieFrasersSwingingKilt I think that you're right and I've been putting sudocreme on the last couple of days. I always think it solves everything! I don't actually think the soreness is related to the other business.

I was really worried about posting this and you've all been really kind, thank you.

Thank you @minipie. I'm pretty sure it's not labial adhesions though, as she had that before when she was much younger and it rectified itself. She was under the care of the paediatrician at the time for something else and they noticed. They said to leave it and it should fix itself and it did. The area is open now, which I suppose is why this new problem can be seen when it couldn't before!

It sounds like a vaginal septum. I’ve known people not to know about these until they attempt to use tampons or become sexually active. She might be not need anything doing, but if it’s causing her pain they might recommend separating it. The GP will never think it inappropriate that you hadn’t seen this before. I hope you get an appointment for her soon, and the pain settles for your DD.

Please don't be worried. They won't think anything bad.

I hope you can get everything sorted out quickly for her x

I would explain what your concerns are-exactly as you have explained on here. Say you’ve googled it too. Any good dr should take your worries seriously. Don’t even worry about being thought of as strange for looking down there. Sometimes it’s what we have to do even though it’s the last thing you want to.

Please dont worry about checking. My daughter complained of soreness and I couldn’t see properly so got a torch to look. Luckily I did as I saw thread worms in her vagina! Poor thing was in so much pain.

I've had to take Dd2 twice over the years for gynae type queries- once soreness and once when she slipped on the rope bridge at school (that was an a&e trip where the dr tried to show me what she'd done then had to do a bit of stitching whilst me and the nurse winced).

Honestly everyone super kind, non judgmental and helpful. No awkwardness.

@DodgeRainClouds That's actually exactly what I was expecting to find! I've read about migrating thread worms before so thought that might be it.

You've all given me much more courage to tackle this tomorrow, thank you. I'll let you know how I get on (if I can get an appointment - I tried today with no luck).