Child in reception class being to rough

[threetethree]

My ds started reception in September and he's been having problems with one boy in particular. It started off as pushing, then mimicking him and now he's shoving him and hitting him.

I wanted to just believe it was a 'boy thing' but now I'm worried it's bullying.

It's made me furious and whatever the teacher is trying is not helping.

What should I do next?
I will speak to the head teacher. Would you speak to the parents directly?

It's pretty common in that age group. I appreciate that isn't particularly helpful but that is the reality.

What has the teacher said to you that you find unhelpful?

Are these incidents being reported to you or is your child telling you about them and then you approaching the teacher?

No don’t approach the child s parents, approach the school.

My ds won't tell me. The teacher mentioned a few things but my eldest ( who is very trustworthy) has seen it happening.

The teacher always says she will have a talk with the other child but nothing changes.

Keep going on at the school. It really pisses me off when people say "that's what happens at that age". Why cant people teach their kids to keep their hands to themselves. One time I could let it slide but I'd be playing hell at the school if it happened again. My dd has never once hit another child and she knows I'd be furious if she did

Don't approach the other parents, some won't accept their child has done anything wrong and get defensive. It could cause issues if your boys end up being friends later on.
I would approach the class teacher one last time and inform her that if things don't improve then you'll be speaking to the head.

It's so frustrating. Ds is so lovely and he still says he likes the boy. Eldest reckons ds was crying at playtime as he was shoved so hard he fell down.

Next port of call us usually the foundation phase leaders or head. It's concerning if he was crying after being hurt and it wasn't reported to you. Who was meant to be supervising playtime? How come your other child was present?

Agree that once the teacher had been informed there should be greater supervision during play time.
At this age kids are learning the boundaries. They will inevitably go too far where a shovel is no longer playful but violent. The teachers' job is to introduce these boundaries/socially accepted interactions.
I doubt very much the other child would have malicious intent, therefore it is entirely up to the teachers to get their act together and supervise and intervene first hand.
There is very little the other child's parents could do as they are unable to intervene straight away and children this age are unable to understand abstract concepts such "be a good boy, be polite, be kind" etc. These abstract concepts needs to be taught and reinforced first hand during playtime.

breathe, breathe and breathe some more. Speak to the teachers.

Hi OP, my DS has started reception too this year and he's my PFB so I'm very new to all this. He reports of someone (sometimes the same person, sometimes not) doing things like pushing/hitting/grabbing etc almost every day. At least once or twice a week for sure. When it's the same child, this child is also some days my DS' "friend" and sometimes not (my DS' words).

I do think this does just happen sometimes? My DS isn't a rough child and isn't particularly into rough play, whereas it seems like a lot of the boys he talks about are. I queried it at parents evening and the teacher said it's mainly all playing but any incidences are dealt with there and then on the playground.

I think there is a massive difference between an accidental shove and a child that is normally very rough. My daughter accidentally hurt another child in play where she’d gotten a bit carried away. The school called both parents, wanted to know if everything was alright at home and took it really seriously (probably more seriously than both me or the other parent felt necessary as both children said it was an accident). I’m very surprised based on the reaction of my school that your school isn’t doing more with a child that is regularly hitting and shoving.

Been through this with my youngest. The games at breaktime got really out of hand. The boys were all friends, I got on well with the mums but one boy was over the top and hurt the others. It took a few discussions with the school. One boy was moved in the lines so he couldn't push another. They boys were all told clearly what they could and couldn't do - what was acceptable. Then the school used the behaviour system to resolve inappropriate behaviour. The kids stayed friends and their games calmed down. (For a while.....it happened a few times....but the boys stayed friends as the hurting wasn't done maliciously.) But don't just tell your boy to push back as that doesn't resolve anything (not that you have suggested you would). This is a young kids who doesn't know how to behave because he hasn't learnt, or been shown, or had boundaries put in place.

@shash1982

Don't approach the other parents, some won't accept their child has done anything wrong and get defensive. It could cause issues if your boys end up being friends later on. I would approach the class teacher one last time and inform her that if things don't improve then you'll be speaking to the head.

This is spot on. My kid had an issue at school which went on for months but they refused to accept it was bullying. I had enough and threatened to involve the head and low and behold it stopped. I do quiz my child every so often to see if there have been any incidents but she says they play nicely now and are friends.

Kids are testing boundaries in their relationships at that age and all through primary school but if it crosses a line, it needs to be resolved sooner because it can become habit.