How did you help yourself during postnatal depression?

[mumof1littlebun]

I have recently been diagnosed and I’m struggling. I don’t want to do the local mother’s group which deals with things surrounding pnd as I feel it’ll make me feel worse not better talking to people who also feel like this. I’m also not keen on the idea of talking therapies. Is it a case of make myself get out for a walk etc to make me feel better or is it worth trying medication? What else have people in this situation found helpful?

Hi OP, just bumping for you. I'm pretty sure I had PND but never sought help for it - something I regret now as I often wonder whether the early months could have been different. So I think being open and getting a diagnosis is a great first step.

If you feel up to getting out of the house, then definitely do that as there are all manner of studies on the positive effects of fresh air, sunlight (well...), exercise etc. At the same time, I do recognise that it can be hard and it's by no means a magic bullet.

Ultimately, it's about surviving as best you can and going easy on yourself. So first of all, ditch all the little pre-baby things you think you can do without. For me, that was mostly housework and plucking eyebrows etc.

Try not to give in to feelings of guilt - almost all mums feel it and it doesn't mean you're failing (if anything, the opposite).

Don't be afraid to ask for help whenever you think you need it - don't just struggle on because 'I used to be able to do this' or 'X can do all this and more.'

Remember that, sometimes, you have to look after yourself first in order to be a good mum to your baby.

Don't know if any of that is helpful...

Hello. I’m so sorry you are struggling. The things that helped me on maternity leave were having one thing to do each day, and taking each day at a time. I know that’s probably very hard at the moment with Covid and lockdown but it could include getting out for a long walk (bring headphones and listen to some podcasts - sooooooo many amazing ones from funny to serious to silly etc), or a zoom baby class. For me I would see my nct group one day a week, do classes two days a week, see my mum one day a week and then see another friend one day a week and then it would be the weekend which was easier. So then I only had to fill the rest of the week days but that could be at home without feeling guilty (especially in winter). I highly recommend watching a comedy series that you like (eg friends or modern family) just for a short burst of endorphins. I also used to feed by baby dinner at 5, tidy up and then let her crawl around playing or sit on me while I watched the last 20 mins of pointless. It was a little ritual and helped round off the day before bath time and bed. What really helped though, was when I got back to work and got some “me” time. That’s when I really felt myself get better and love the time I spent with my DD. I hope these tips are helpful. Hang in there. Take each day at a time and it gets better. Have you seen the dr?

Thank you both for your lovely replies. I think a massive part of it is the current situation so the lack of baby groups, being able to meet friends, family etc really doesn’t help. I’m also seriously sleep deprived as baby is usually up 4/5 times for a feed. I do like the idea of planning something each day but so hard during lock down. Yes I’ve seen the gp who is lovely and very supportive. I have a scheduled call with her in a couple of weeks but she has said I can speak to her before if needed. I also have regular contact with a health visitor. I’m considering medication as I don’t see how things can get better given that my whole maternity leave will have been taken over by the virus and I don’t see how it can get better until things improve with that!

Honestly, for me it was fake it till you make it. Pretended all was well and forced myself to do baby groups, meeting friends etc. Plus medication of course! Eventually I realised I wasn't faking it any more.

Oh my goodness YES to medication. You don’t need to justify it. It helps. That’s all you need to know. I managed to breast feed on what I was taking (if that’s a concern). It is MUCH harder now during a pandemic to do all the things they tell you to do to make it easier (ie get out and meet people). So do what makes YOU happy and what makes life easier for you. Your baby will be happy because you will be happier. I promise you you can get through this.

Thank you so much for the kindness I think I need to speak to my gp about medication. I am breastfeeding so good to know there are things I can take

Hi OP sorry you are struggling PND is awful
I really benefitted from medication it made a big difference (I started to notice the difference after about 4 weeks). I was reluctant to engage with talking therapies at first but I have to say I had a wonderful therapist who really helped me and taught me lots of coping mechanisms that I still use years later and can be applied to lots of aspects of life.
PND was hard enough in non covid times so I can see how it is amplified even more with the current situation. You don’t mention how old your baby is and if they will take a bottle? One or two nights a week my DP takes baby and I have a full night or at least a decent stretch of sleep which massively helps if you are in the position to do. I also think good diet and exercise helps. Easier said than done but try and eat regularly (I was terrible for skipping breakfast then just reaching for chocolate/cake/crap for a sugar rush!) fortunately my small one napped well in the pram so a long walk everyday for their nap with music or a podcast in my ear helped. Lockdown is completely shit for getting out and seeing people but do what you can.
The real turning point for me was going back to work I regained some of my identity and having adult time helped massively and my Little one loves nursery and I appreciated our time together more.
Do you have a supportive partner/husband and family? My DP (in non covid times) works abroad one week of the month and knows this puts added strain on me so when he is back he is sure to give me some child free time which helped. Take help where you can and don’t beat yourself up on the bad days, sometimes we all need a day on the sofa with a box set and our pjs. I also used to put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything and do it to a high standard. Therapy really helped me manage my expectations of me and set reasonable standards without felling guilty. I also got a cleaner taking something off the to do list was amazing!
Accept help and be kind to yourself and one day you will realise the balance has tipped you have more good days than bad.

Sorry you're struggling.
I had it twice (my DCs are late teens now). It will get better.

It must be so tough to have PND on top of all the restrictions.

I found having some sort of routine helped. Obviously, the baby wasn't playing that game, but making sure I got dressed/ ate regularly was important.

Putting the baby in the pram & going out for a walk in all weathers also helped. Sometimes the baby slept for a little while in the pram when we got home.

Prepping in advance for night feeds- I used to get drinks, snacks like cereal bars & a book to read during the feed all ready before going to bed.

Take any help your OH offers. I found the evening crying the worst time of day. I used to arrange to do the food shop & leave the baby at home for an hour with DH. It was this time of year, so dark, but that time alone actually made a difference. I felt a bit like me again.

It's really good that your GP is on board.

Don't be hard on yourself- you've got a baby - that's an amazing thing. It's also really hard, especially on no sleep & over-active hormones.

antidepressants

Yes to medication and talking therapy too. Although for me the thing which knocked it on the head was going back to work. I felt like the sun came out and I was me again. Obviously this isn't the same for everyone.

I've had depression on and off my whole life so pnd was more of the same to a degree, but oh my everything with a tiny baby and no sleep is 1000x worse. It does get easier.

Heavy hitting pharmaceuticals. Game-changer. And getting someone else to attend to the baby for at least part of the night. You need a solid block of sleep. Wax earplugs and off to the other side of the flat/house for you!

I took medication. The moment when I felt the fog starting to lift and began to think I could actually feel normal again, after about two weeks, made me realise I'd done the right thing.

Sorry you're struggling, I can't imagine how tough it must be having a tiny baby and PND at the moment. I'll get better, though. I promise it will

Echo all that's already been said. Just wanted to say, it will get better, it really will.

Also, I just wanted to say that I found at the time, I felt like the only person in the world with post natal anxiety/depression. It was only a year or two later than lots of my mum-friends (who seemed to be coping so well at the time) shared they all had it too. I wish we had felt more open at the time to discuss it and support each other.