Open relationship

[MaleUser101]

Hello,

My long term gf joked about having an open relationship and I took it badly and got upset.
She apologised but has said this joke now on numerous occasions and in the past I didn't react this way. I don't think at all she is cheating on me as we're always together and its always been said in a humorous manner.

I think she knows that I'm not really the type of person to find that funny and I have mentioned in the past that I thought it was a weird thing to say.

As a man I can't help feel a bit inadequate over this and I just don't understand the joke element to this especially since this is not the first time this has been mentioned. Could this jokey way of saying be a true reflection of how she feels? I did say that but then got accused of claiming she's some of idiot or not strong mentally as if she truly wanted an open relationship she would just say it to me in a serious manner.

I'm so confused because I'm now the bad guy in this situation. Feel like I'm not allowed to be a bit sad or digest this in my own time (a few hours) because I'm being accused of causing a negative atmosphere from just feeling glum.

Any advice on this please because I'm really stressed now over this. Please any questions just fire away also.

Thank you

Sounds like a way of control to keep you in your place or to make you nervous she might leave for someone else. oh look...it's worked.

Leave her, she's a twat.

It was also mentioned that I'm also insecure because I reacted badly but wouldn't anybody feel that if this was said to them? In a totally playful manner or not if that person is not into the whole open relationship thing.

I must say I love and respect her so much and she is a great person and a great mum to our kids but I feel like this apology is just enough to end the whole thing and I should just be fine. I'm an over thinker by nature and I'm not ashamed to admit I feel hurt by this and I feel like I have the right to be upset over this I don't want to ruin everything and cause massive arguments, all I wanted to do was feel this in my own way and then just move on but I wasn't even able to to that.

Whatever her true desires are about having an open relationship, she repeatedly mentions it, knowing it upsets you.

I’d cut her loose if I were you; she can go chase whoever she likes and you can find someone who appreciates you more.

Sorry, crosspost. If you have children together that makes it trickier.

Tell her firmly to stop, and ask why she persists in upsetting you.

Hi yes sorry forgot to mention that.

I did but again it was just a joke apparently..

She said she now has to watch her words around me and she doesn't want to live like that. But this actively upsets me so what the hell is that supposed to mean?

I know it's a hard one to answer because I'm the only one who knows her and yes she is a funny person who is just playful by nature and the weird thing I genuinely don't think she means it but there's just that feeling inside me asking myself why say it.

I also said to her what if I said yes to this open relationship and start mentioning it myself over time would she be hurt by that? And she answered yes she would.

So this whole thing seems like a strange risk type of joke that doesn't gave a pleasant outcome regardless of what context it was said in.

I must say she did really apologise and it was genuine and I accepted it but then was still just feeling weird and also down about it but just a few hours later she asked me what was wrong and I told her and explained the situations going around in my head and that's where all the hurtful comments started to arise like:

• Your being negative *I can't be myself around you *Your ruining everything *I'm not responsible for your emotional wellbeing

There was other stuff also but now I feel like the things that were said are even more hurtful than this initial joke am I'm in a state of weird shock this all seems bizarre

I must also mention that things were not good between us this year but we recently we have been very good lately and I've been feeling really good about myself and are relationship. But I don't appreciate about being called over sensitive over this.

Am I making a big deal about this is what I'm getting at I suppose?

She also got some really good news the day before regarding her professional career and said that this is ruining her happiness over it and that I'm obsessing over this more than her good news but I did give her a hug and told her that I was proud of her so not really sure what relavance this has to to with this situation.