Only Child

[tt3t]

I've been considering not having anymore children, but just can't decide. If you don't mind me asking, what's your reason for only having one child, or having more than one child?

I am an only, I loved it. I only wanted one. Dd also loves being an only - having all my attention, not having to share her stuff or have it damaged. My SIL has 5 so DD sees first hand what a large family is like and she has never expressed a desire for a sibling.
We do lots of sleepovers and having friends over.

From a parental perspective it means that I can concentrate both my emotional resources just to her, I'm not sure I would have the patience for two. She's very active and lively, the thought of two of her gives me the vapours. I also enjoy the large bank of free time that working a 24/7 shift pattern + only 1 nearly 11 year old gives me. She's very independent so it gives me plenty of room to pursue my own interests and my side business. We play tennis and ride together. She's like my little buddy. Because DH also works 24/7 shift pattern (we work full time in the police plus I have a home based wedding cake business) we get a lot of time together which I love.

She also benefits from all the financial resources meaning she learns flute, piano, riding, she used to do gymnastics to competitive level but gave that up to concentrate on riding. She is also in her schools swim team which is highly prestigious. She goes 3 times a week early morning swimming, not sure I could manage that with two. She also benefits from her grandparents paying her school fees which they would not have been able to do for two.

Hyperemesis gravidarum.

It's alright for Kate Middleton with her nannies, cleaners and chefs but if I am incapacitated with sickness for 9 months who will look after my DD and me (last time DH did all the cooking etc as I was so exhausted).

I understand @TotorosFurryBehind . People have said to me “it’s only 9 months” but how would I look after DD while sick? There were times when all I could do was lie on the bathroom floor. MIL says she would help, but to be honest I might need her to pretty much move in and look after dd round the clock. I’ve also heard sickness is often worse in subsequent pregnancies.

I have two. A single child (as an adult now) told me when his Mum passed, he really would have appreciated someone to share the pain with. It’s not like this was my reason, but there are certain things only a sibling can understand.

I never got on very well with my db when we were children, but as an adult I was bloody glad he was there when we had to deal with the illness and death of dm. Nobody else understands your family dynamic and history like a sibling.

As a result, I decided that any child I had would have a sibling to share the experience (I won’t say burden) of dealing with ageing parents. By pure luck, mine get on incredibly well, far better than I ever got on with my db, and are very close. It’s an absolute joy to see their relationship. I never expected that.

The fact they entertain each other also means that I get more time to myself, which is a bonus!

I also think there can be a lot of pressure on an only. It’s easier to ‘disappoint’ your parents with choices they dislike if you have siblings to take the spotlight off you.