Late night handhold/advice needed

[throwaway988]

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for - maybe some practical advice or maybe just a friendly handhold - but I have no family or friends I'd feel comfortable discussing this with.

Long story short, I called the police earlier because my partner went missing and mentioned suicide. For background, he has a history of mental health issues which were previously well controlled, and up until the past few weeks I thought they still were. The police found him and he has been admitted to the mental health unit for a 'voluntary assessment', though I don't know what the implications of that are. I think the thing that kicked it off this time was work-related stress.

I'm so relieved that he's okay but there are also so many practical things going through my mind and I have nobody to discuss them with. I have no idea what is going to happen with his job - I think he's going to end up handing in his notice, understandably, as it's pushed him to breaking point. It's going to be difficult to get another job given the current Covid situation (if he's even in a fit state to work at all - not sure what the hospital will say) and we can't manage on just my wage. My job isn't secure and I've been told they're not sure if it'll be there in 6 months, though hopefully it is. I have no idea if he'd be eligible for any benefits if he felt unable to work due to his mental health, and from what I understand any benefits I would get if I lost my job wouldn't even cover half of our essential bills. Not really sure what to do/think and I'm catastrophising slightly. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi OP. Was awake feeding and thought would send you a virtual hug 🤗
What an absolute shit situation for both of you. Has anything triggered OH’s episode? How has he managed his MH previously?
Try not to worry about money and job situ just yet. I know it’s hard but getting him well is priority. There is support out there you just sadly have to really nag/kick off for it xxx

How horrible for you. Sending lots of love

@CountryGirl36 Thanks for replying and for your virtual hug! It was previously managed through medication. He's been off it for around a year as it had some unpleasant side effects and has been mostly fine until the past few weeks. He is under a lot of stress at work with an unmanageable workload and completely impossible demands, which I think has been the trigger for this episode. I don't know how to help because he is adamant that he will never be able to get a better job, that he is destined to a life of shit stressful jobs and he would rather kill himself than carry on. I don't know how much of that is maybe depression talking as I know that can bring on feelings of hopelessness.

I will try not to worry about the money and job situation as it is only a problem if a sequence of worst case scenarios plan out, but I know I'm going to be worrying about this until things are sorted x

Also

https://www.stepchange.org/

.... they're very helpful

@greenspacesoverthere Thank you very much. I will have a look into Step Change.

Maybe if he gets back on his meds he'll be able to work once he's stabilised?

I'd get him signed off with stress while he waits for the drugs to kick in and go from there.

@KiriAndLou That is a good plan and probably the most sensible route, I just can't think straight at the moment. I think he could work once back on his meds, but probably not in the same job. I suppose he could get signed off sick with stress and then apply for other jobs once he feels more stable, though I have no idea if you can apply for new jobs if signed off sick.

Hi OP - saw your post due to menopausal insomnia! Am so sorry to hear about your partner - please have another virtual hug from me 💐 It must be incredibly distressing for you that your partner has been admitted however at least he is now in a safe place and can receive the treatment he needs. Am not surprised you feel stressed about money but sounds like you may be jumping ahead a little. The most important thing is that your partner gets well again and the first thing that should happen is he is signed off sick from work whilst he receives treatment. I think it's important not to make any snap decisions about his job ie with the appropriate treatment and support he may be able to return to his current role in time. Are you aware of the Moneysavingexpert website? It's a brilliant website that contains all sorts of resources including managing your money, reducing expenditure and debt advice. I'll link it for you

There's also a specific resource about mental health and debt I think

www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide/

Hope today goes as well as possible OP

As someone whose Mum suffered depression I have experienced a bit of the stress you are going through.

Please just wait and see what they say from the unit first before making any decisions about handing in notice, but obviously if you both think that this has been bought on from work related stress, then you both need to talk about it, when he is in a position to do so. Hopefully his employers will be understanding as he may need to be off work for a while on stress related leave.

@lolawasashowgirl Thanks for the link - that may come in handy. I'll have a read now. Agree that I'm jumping ahead - I'll try to keep that in check. He was discharged last night with some sedatives and has a GP appointment today to discuss options, I think. He didn't seem to want to talk to me when he came home. I'm not sure if that's because of the medication or whether it was my fault that this happened to him. He was angry at me before he left because apparently it seemed like I didn't care about his stress at work and I have "no empathy". Meanwhile I was trying to offer solutions but he didn't see it that way. I'm not sure if I'm genuinely a shit girlfriend or if that was his illness talking.

@lostthetastefordahlias Thank you. He is still asleep so not sure how he will be when he wakes up.

@mindymomo Wise words. I'm sure it will all become clearer over the next few days with the GP appointment and discussion with work.