Really struggling

[pinkkoala]

Not sure what to do, i am struggling at work and just every day.
I am a hca in a private care home looking after elderly frail and end of life and dementia. I am on shift monday again, but really feel like i can't go in.
Bit of history in my dad has been diagnosed with acute leukaemia in june, my parents live 70 mile away, previously he was diagnosed with myleodysplaxic syndrome in dec last year. He went in hospital in aug for chemo, he was in 8 wks as had absolutely no immune system and got sepsis, chemo has wiped all his bone marrow out and now needs transplant which he is due to go in for in mid nov, obviously that was before the second lockdown was agreed. I know he will be in over Christmas and remain in a flat om the hospital site up until end march, my mum will have to go and stay with him and care for him.
I am trying to sell my marital home after being seperated 4 years, he stayed in it and i moved out with dd, he has alot of history of coercive behaviour and harrassment, yes he did get arrested after following me and new dp 20 miles in the car while i was on 999 to police whole time, they could see it all on anpr cameras, i should add i didn't meet new dp til after i had issued divorce papers to my exh, which was 6 months after we seperated.
I feel constantly tearful, i myself have been diagnosed with vasuvalgar in June and ectopic beats and fast heart rate. Brought on my stress and anxiety and have been given propanalol to take. I have not took no time off sick through any of this but now i feel like i have reached breaking point and am really struggling at work, especially in the job i do.
My head is saying ring in sick monday but my conscience is saying no, but i feel like i really can't face it on monday, my manager knows all of what is going on. I have had this weekend off so if i took mon as well i would in total get 5 days by the time i am due back. I am really not sure what to do.

Anyone

Take the time off to pause and regroup.

Sorry you have so much on, hope you can do relaxing things before you go back to work so that you don't feel as panicky. Also, tell yourself that you'll get through, you can rely on yourself

Oh you poor thing, that's a lot to deal with. Your priority is your health. You need to be well for your daughter's sake. You need to take some time to deal with all of this, so yes I would say take some time off sick. Don't run yourself into the ground for the sake of a poorly paid job - they'll cope without you. With your history, your gp will sign you off sick I'm sure.

It sounds as though ideally you need about three weeks off work to unwind and rest. Can you have a phone call with your GP? If your circumstances allow, please listen to your body. You deserve a few weeks of the care and attention you clearly give other people xxx

Thank you for your replies, i feel i need three weeks off but unfortunately we don't get paid, only statoury sick pay, so couldn't afford it until my money from house sale is in the bank, approx 4 weeks time. We only get full sick pay if we get covid, charming.
I am sure my gp would sign me off with my history as they have been brilliant.
I was just going to ring in for one day and see how i feel, that would give me 5 days break, but i hate ringing in sick, i know how hard it is on the staff as they don't always then get cover.
I have a lovely dp now who is so supportive and has been there with everything, we have bren together 2 years and i am much happier with him.
But i feel constantly tired, on edge and as if i have reached breaking point.

You need to try to figure out a way to take some time to just relax. You will completely burn yourself out mentally and physically with the amount you have to deal with.
I know money makes things tricky. Do you have any annual leave? Could you perhaps manage on SSP or is it truly impossible?

You should phone in on Monday, if you feel guilty doing it for yourself then think of the putting in your oxygen mask first advice, you need to care for yourself so you can care for others.

I do feel guilty for ringing in, thats why i never take sick time, the last time was one day in aug 2019, when i hurt my back, and that is from an existing injury, had 5 months off in 2014 with a severe bulging disc and horrendous sciatica, i was on so many meds and was trying to avoid surgery.
I think it my mind set of realising how hard the others work if one is sick, its not nhs i work for, its a large private company.

Ring in sick, and then ring the GP and tell him that you are at breaking point.

I was just like you a couple of weeks ago. I went to work on the Monday and Tuesday and on the Wednesday I simply couldn't do it.

I spoke to my GP about it and they recommended they sign me off sick. I feel so much better for being off.

I can now see that I was breaking and had I kept going I would have been seriously mentally unwell. Your body is telling you it can't go on like this.
In my opinion you need to be off work, if you do it now it might only be weeks you need if you break you're looking at months.

Thankyou for the replies, i know i should be signed off for couple weeks but was trying to hold out until my house was sold, it should of completed in oct so i have kept going. But it is getting harder and harder now.
I will think about ringing in tonight for tomorrow, i am getting anxious even at the thought of calling in, its terrible, i am a grown woman, but thats how i feel.

Anxious at the thought of work is how my DH was, he ended up on long term sick and antidepressants.

I am anxious about the thought of ringing in, as i never ring in sick.
I have got beta blockers to take to help with the anxiety and also my heart rate as t keeps being 120+, which is not good.

You sound like you are suffering from really bad stress. I hope you can get signed off work by your GP. Give yourself a couple of days complete rest - just sleep, watch TV, have walks in fresh air and then decide what you can do to ease your worries.

I do feel stressed and exhausted, its beyond tired. I think once my house is completed and money in the bank then i will get signed off for couple weeks.
But i need to decide about tomorrow, i was tjinking of ringing in tonight and speaking to night nurse rather than stressing about it all night and not sleeping and still having to do it in the morning.

Do it. It’s self-care. Just pick up the phone, call in, and then you can have your Sunday evening. Have a nice warm shower, soft clothes and gentle tv for the rest of the night.

I have spoke to my family today, and they have said to get signed off as i am dealing with alot of emotional stress, my boss has a copy of consultant letter from hospital about the diagnosis of stress and anxiety so i am not sure if they can go against that.

That sounds sensible. Make the most of your time off to rest and recuperate and try to focus on your needs. Your boss will cope!

If you are going to spend tomorrow ruminating about having called in sick then my advice would be to just go in for tomorrow then make a plan.
During a particularly stressful period where my anxiety was through the roof I called in sick and spent the morning in A&E I'd worried myself into such a frenzy over it.
Hardly regrouping or taking a day of self care.

I have managed to do it.
After school run tomorrow i need to try and rest.
I felt so anxious calling them but i feel bit better now.

I called in last night, i slept a lot better once did, i like to bake on my days off so will do some today, i am going to have re think when i have the house money through as i feel i could do with a bit of time, i am tearful most days and feel so tense.