Caring what other people think?

[coffeeforthewin]

How can I stop?!

I am trying so hard to just think positive, enjoy my life, be myself.
I just worry too much about how other perceive me, what people think, and trying to please people.

I am a fairly "normal" and friendly person I like to think. So there's nothing to hide.
I guess it's just a mixture of anxiety and shyness perhaps.

Any tips of how to finally "let go" of this?!

Whilst the person is pointing a finger at you, the 3 other fingers are pointing at themselves.
Give it a go, point your finger and you'll see what I mean.

I am always polite.. Can you do x, would you mind doing x..... I watch how I come across in work messages. Its hard when you work with utter ducks who drive you insane.
I only bitch and moan to my closest friends.

Utter dicks not ducks quack quack

Recast your self-consciousness in your mind as a tiresome sort of self-obsession, which it is. You’re not really thinking about other people, you’re thinking all the time about yourself and the impression you’re making. Then try to eradicate it as you would any other bad habit, like nail biting or nose-picking.

I agree. It's a strange form of vanity. Mostly other people are not thinking nearly as much about you as you think they are or, indeed, as much as you are yourself.

I'm the same and in my 50's ffs 😑

Thanks 

Yeah it really is some sort of self-obsession which is annoying, Cos it's being obsessed with someone that isn't really the true me cos I'm always trying to suppress myself or just go along with someone else's opinion!

I feel like I'm losing myself and I just want to be myself, which as some of you said, no one is really focusing on me in that much detail!!!!

@IEat haha for ducks sake

Unless you worry you are a potential murderer then just be yourself. I think deep down it is a worry about fitting in really, I have never made an effort to be like others. It means that people have found me odd but certainly not dislikeable.

I’m watching The Queens Gambit currently and whilst not a grandmaster chess player addicted to drugs a scene where the girl sits looking bewildered at the other teen girls reminded me so much of what I was like at that age. I remember hearing scorn poured down on how I would run and still play tag when I was 16 with the boys in the first year of my school who still played games like that. It didn’t stop me and I have carried on all my life with this attitude.

Unless what you are doing really hurts someone then what does it matter. If people agree with me all the time then I am a bit suspicious of them.

I so wish I had an answer to this. Worrying what other people think of me is one of my greatest fears, and though as I age I have more and more moments of, duck it, I don't actually care, I do always come back to wallow in that swamp.. Whilst surrounded by people who seem innately convinced of their own wonderousness. No answers here, but I genuinely understand, and I am sorry for you. I wouldn't want anyone else to feel this way, ever.

You could read THE classic self help book on this sort of topic.

A friend once said to me she had read a self help book, and she said it was amazing, and she said everyone she has mentioned it to had said they read it. I said which one (in my head I was thinking of it), and said go on you must know, everyone seems to know it, I said no go on, and she said....Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I was like oh right yeah that one I've read it!

It was the first self help book I ever read and after I finished it I went to work and just carried myself with a different energy. It felt wierd at first but quite liberating.

I live in an area which is rammed full of self-righteous, gossiping, need-to-get-a-life types, across the age range, whose attitudes enrage me. I moved from an urban area where you could lead an anonymous life without being judged to a country 'community' full of little Hitlers. The particularly sad thing is that the younger ones ape the judgemental behaviour of their parents and grandparents and are often even ruder and worse than them. The GDPR is an unknown concept here and I have just changer GP surgeries to a city one to get away from the gossiping coven of witches there and be with a doctor who is the polar opposite of the self-satisfied ones in my rural area. The postwoman gossips to the Post Office staff and comments on deliveries, if you sneeze at 9am the rest of the village asks you how you are by midday etc. I am different to 'people round here' but, incredibly luckily, have made two friends in the village who share the same views, having received 'different treatment' due to their own characteristics (nationality and background). So if asked whether I care what people in my community think of me, I would restrict my answer to 'just the two' (my friends), and my resilience grows daily to the cold shoulder and judgementalism from the rest of the community. The one thing that was important, my GP, I have changed, so the rest of them can go stuff themselves. I actually enjoy being different and the object of their gossip!

Survivor that sounds awful but it's good you have found your tribe, small though it be. My post above was a bit harsh, it was late and I may have imbibed
I think it's a balance between worrying too much about yourself and not giving a shit what other people think which is too much the other way. Like Survivor you need to find people you are comfortable with or just accept you're not the kind of person you would like to like you iyswim. For as long as I can remember I was what I called "the geek collector"! Basically I go out of my way to befriend and include people who don't seem to fit in. It's not philanthropic on my part or patronising (I hope), I just think a lot of those people are interesting and sometimes just need someone to be a bit welcoming. God I sound awful, now I'm worried what you're all going to think!

Davros I am exactly the same as you, I now make it abundantly clear that I don't give a fig about my 'community reputation', it's very liberating indeed.

I feel sorry for the people who have lived in my area all their lives and have been brought up to worry about what people think of them because in today's world that inhibition is actually a disadvantage; people lack the self-confidence to stand up for themselves and hold out for better standards e.g. of medical care, education and other services for fear of 'making a fuss'.

I have now evolved to a point that I do consider my actions and words carefully in advance to avoid absolute rudeness, though, because I find that today's society produces many situations where I feel inclined to tell others to f* off, and I don't want to degrade myself by behaving like that, out of self-respect.

I too have always befriended those who are perceived as 'oddbods' and find the company of these people much more enjoyable than mainstream sheeple.

Sounds like 'classic' social anxiety x plenty of self help stuff online as a starting point x

It’s enlightening and disquieting how many people on this thread seem to see ‘self-satisfied’ and ‘convinced of their own wondrousness’ as the only alternative to worrying about how others see you.