moving from belfast to village in derbyshire, please help!

[amberhumbrr]

My dp wants me to move from Belfast to a village in Derbyshire where he lives in the same village as most of his family. It’s a nice place and close to lots of little towns nearby but also a good half hour to derby and a good hour to say a large city like Nottingham.

I just don’t know what to do! I like it in Belfast, it’s where I grew up and I’ve travelled a lot work wise before buying a house here. Will I find it isolating in a village? None of my family live in England so I face a big commute to see them. I’m not particularly close to them but overseas feels a long way.

For context, my hesitation in part is because the relationship was a rocky in the last year and this idea has come about as a way to move forward. If I was madly in love I admit I would probably be straight there but then again maybe that’s also a recipe for disaster if you don’t see yourself as a village person.

Hopeful there might be someone out there who has done a similar move!

I’ve lived in Derbyshire villages all my life from very rural to ones that even have a local shop or two! It’s not for everyone and can be isolating if you don’t join in with local things. I personally wouldn’t move anywhere too far from family.

Moving a long way from family, unless it's a dream you share, seems like a recipe for disaster

Villages can be tricky but if you have an extended family (even of in-laws) you'll have a good start, just be prepared to join in and help out with stuff. I'd give it a go, it's a lovely area. Is it in the Peak District or the south of the county?

It looks like one of you will have to be distant from family. Can you try an extended visit first?

20 years ago I sold my house, changed jobs and moved 2 hrs away from all my family in order to live with DH. It was initally great but I still got incredibly home sick and over time lost friends...right now now I hate not being close to my family.......my advice would be to hold off, especially if your relationship isnt 100%.

Jesus, don’t do it! Do not uproot your whole life to move for a bloke who you have a rocky relationship with. How nice/convenient the Derbyshire village might be is irrelevant.

How well-connected is the village, @amberhumbrr? I'm from Belfast and I live in a small village in Cheshire but quite close to the border with Derbyshire. It's an absolutely lovely place to live BUT there is a trainline directly into Manchester. This was a non-negotiable for me - I need to be able to access a city easily!

Whether you should uproot your whole life in a last-ditch attempt to save a relationship is another matter . . . would you be able to go back easily, if it didn't work out? Moving could put even more of a strain on things . . .

We live in Derbyshire albeit in a town & only 20 mins each way to derby & notts, that's remote enough!

Personally I wouldn't move that far in your shoes, the relationship doesn't sound solid & you could end up resenting him if you're not happy & feel like you moved for him.

You need to say which village.

Which village? Derbyshire is absolutely beautiful and you’re close to cities like Derby, Nottingham (my city, it’s amazing!) and Manchester isn’t fat either.

It can be the most amazing place in the world but if you haven’t got your support network around you and your marriage is rocky give it some serious thought before agreeing.

Derbyshire is a big county and there's a huge difference between living in a village in the Peak District to living in one of the ex-colliery villages. You say Derby is 30 mins away. Trust me you're not missing much! Some of the market towns such as Belper and Ashbourne are far nicer.
I've lived in Derbyshire all of my life (username gives it away slightly ) Happy to answer any questions via DM if you don't want to post the village on here.

Derbyshire is generally a friendly, down to earth place. People tend to be fairly "traditional" - although certain areas are arguably backwards.

Where abouts is it you're looking at? The north of the county is very different from the south and the Derbyshire/Nottinghamshire border towns are another kettle of fish entirely.

I personally wouldn't. some of the villages round there are so insular you have to have had ten generations of your family from there before you aren't an incomer.

If your relationship is rocky I wouldn't do this. It's running away from the issues, but you will be taking them with you.

I grew up in Derbyshire. It really isn’t isolated from cities at all. The southern half of the county is very easily accessible to Derby & Nottingham, which is a comparable city to Belfast. The northern half of the county is easily accessible to Sheffield. Birmingham & Manchester are also within an hour’s drive.

Derbyshire is, however, very isolated from the coast which is at least two hours drive away. The south of the county, in particular, is as far from the coast as it’s possible to get in these islands.

There are some lovely villages & market towns in Derbyshire, particularly in the rural north & west of the county. The industrial towns in the east & south of the county, eg Alfreton, Ripley, Heanor, Ilkeston are less desirable.

I wouldn't move at all in your situation, your relationship doesn't sound strong enough.

No way would I in a million years do this.

I think it would be hard enough to move from Belfast to anywhere in UK , never mind a village. Totally different vibe. If you were madly in love , that might make it more palatable. Even so , you would need more in your life thannone person. Add the fact that you say this relationship is not in a great place , I wouldn't recommend it.
End the relationship peacefully and find yourself a Belfast beu !

Alfreton and Ripley are all right. Not Peak District wealth, rather like most of the rest of the country, but okay. Ilkeston is all right in places too.

Op what about moving to one of the cities? I can’t see a remote relationship having much of a future tbh. One of you is going to have to move to the same island for a start, and you have the choice of 3 cities in proximity. What’s your work situation?

@Didiusfalco

Jesus, don’t do it! Do not uproot your whole life to move for a bloke who you have a rocky relationship with. How nice/convenient the Derbyshire village might be is irrelevant.

I agree.

And if you do want to move in together, go somewhere else rather than the village he's lives in his whole life.

@DerbyshireMama

Derbyshire is generally a friendly, down to earth place. People tend to be fairly "traditional" - although certain areas are arguably backwards.

Where abouts is it you're looking at? The north of the county is very different from the south and the Derbyshire/Nottinghamshire border towns are another kettle of fish entirely.

I'd agree with this assessment.

Derby is convenient to get around, but a bit parochial and uninspiring. A lack of functional theatres... swimming pool on couse to be completed 7 or 8 years after the old one closed?
Nottingham is more vibrant and cosmopolitan. Much more reminiscent of Belfast.
The small towns are functional but vary in character between the pit towns and market towns. In the more parochial parts of the county a strange accent of more than 10 miles away can attract a lot of curiosity!

I might sound negative, but it's a good part of the world really

Ultimately if the relationship is not sound, uprooting away from your own connections and being biased towards his is likely to do more harm than good.

If your relationship is rocky I wouldn't.

I lived in Derbyshire for a few years, it was beautiful but it rains ALOT, admittedly I come from Norfolk where it barely ever rains so it was a bit of a shock. When it snowed badly the roads into the smaller villages closed, I'm not sure how often it normally happens but occurred several times whilst I lived there. Like any touristy place it was also busy during holiday periods.

Don't move for a rocky relationship. I moved from Cheshire to NI and its fine and I have my husband and his family are great but I get so homesick. I wouldn't have moved for a relationship which wasn't 100%

The ‘not madly in love’ is the key deciding factor, not the geographical qualities.

Also, I wonder about starting nee adventures within people who have never lived beyond the village boundaries of their village and family. It seems clannish and ‘small horizon’ to me. Has he considered moving to Belfast?

You’d be crazy to move to another country for someone with whom you have a rocky relationship. And don’t discount the massive differences between Belfast and rural Derbyshire, even leaving aside the fact that you’d be moving away from all your friends and family and into his turf — and what about your job? DH and I moved to a midlands village to be near his new job, having lived happily for years in London and Oxford, and despite the strength and longevity of our relationship and the fact that I got a senior job in my field immediately, and despite having happily lived rurally in other countries, it was a miserable experience. Neither of us had ever lived anywhere so insular and conservative.

Another one here asking which part of Derbyshire? It’s a Y-shape if you look at a map and the South, North-East and North-West are all quite different.

Despite the slating that pit villages get on here, I moved from a large city to a small but pretty village two years ago and bought a large house for the price of a city flat.

I can still get to work in Sheffield in half an hour by car. It’s not “cosmopolitan” but in lockdown here we had our choice of country walks and a big garden to play in. I wouldn’t swop back to a town.