Unhappy, no motivation, no joy - help please

[Twinpeaksdancingman]

I am 41 and completely lacking in any motivation, joy, get up and go. Where do I start? I’m overweight, single and miserable. I drink too much alcohol, do absolutely no exercise...
Nobody knows that I am feeling this way, I put on a good show.
Does anyone have any practical advise? Has anyone been through this?
I just don’t know where to start...

Op , you have heard this before I’m sure but the best thing you can do is to get a little bit of exercise. It hugely helps with energy and depressive feelings etc. Also keep it really , really attainable so a walk first in the fresh air or in the evenings if you can get out. I went for a run in the evening air yesterday and it was so , so invigorating. I don’t do marathons or anything close and how I started out was really , really slowly so run for a minute stop and walk , run again and build it up slowly. I think a bit of jogging is a great exercise as good cardio and helps get those indorphines. Also alchohol makes us really , really lethargic so I’d try to cut that down. Be really realistic on what you can do , no massive goals yet and build it up. Be kind to yourself too and instead of alcohol or food etc maybe a nice long bath or some decent face creams etc.
Hope this aren’t annoying suggestions but think it can help. I’ve three kids, a part-time job and have been through years of severe sleep deprivation and the only thing that boosts my mood or energy levels is a bit of exercise. And vitamins with iron. Best of luck to you

@Vangoghimnot1

Thanks for your reply 😊

These are all helpful things, it seems like I’m at the very of the bottom of the mountain and can’t see myself getting to the top. I will go for a walk today and I think I am going to try and write some sort of plan?

I've been kind of similar, I think the best thing I did was stop drinking alcohol, doesn't make the bad things go away, does make feel and look alot better tho after time and more able to deal with things and with a clear head. Also, walking, if can force yourself to get out I find it so good for mood, feeling better. Still come back to the same old joys but it's a good start to the day for me, and yoga, I like ashtanga, even five minutes is a start, it proper helps my mind, I started to like it after doing it for awhile .
A plan sounds good. I put things on my phone calendar for days I would start doing them, try get a routine going. Found no booze made a huge difference to sleep after awhile, it's great waking up feeling fresh, know it's not for everyone. Hope you get for your walk and enjoy it

I would focus next week on getting in a 30
Min walk every day.

The following week cut down your alcohol to fri and sat eve

The following week focus on eating 4 healthy meals that week

But try to carry on each change every week

So by week 3 you are walking daily, drinking fri and sat only and eating 4 healthy meals.

Also celebrate any small achievements! One walk, one day feeling ok. Even if you don’t stick to the plan exactly.

Start with small steps like people say. Can you start tracking your steps - try and reach a certain goal - maybe 5000 to begin with?

Try a weight loss app - I did second nature which was really good. Helps being accountable and good support group! Booze - check out one year no beer on Facebook.

Get your blood tested online with Thriva or a similar service. Find out if you have deficiencies in anything. Thyroid problems, low magnesium, low vitamin D etc can all make you lathargic and feel low in mood. Take better care of your health and nutrition. Cut out sugar. Have a few alcohol free days. You can do this.

Go for a walk and have one less drink tonight. Baby steps.

I agree with others, the best thing you can possibly do is slowly increase your exercise and reduce your alcohol. I find sugar is the worst for my mood. Tbh I think that everyone needs a crutch and then I first started exercising and cutting down on sugar I kept drinking (but less calorific drinks, like gin) so that it didn't feel like I was changing everything and I can promise you you will feel better. Force yourself to exercise, you will never regret it but you will regret drinking/eating badly. Be kind to yourself, its not a competition or a race, just take steps in the right direction. Good luck!

I agree with @Vangoghimnot1. I think loads of people go through this at some stage. I think you could be surprised at how quickly you can reset yourself. Good luck

Thank you for all the fantastic replies. I’ve been taking each day at a time and making sure I get out for a walk once a day. I can also report that I have not had any alcohol since Sunday but I think that’s more because I’ve been feeling unwell
Was at the GP today who has taken bloods, a full MOT as he put it.
Next step is sorting out the eating!!

I feel exactly this, only a bit more trapped by family!

Also needing to not drink...eating is good, sorted that at the end of summer and no/low carb seems very doable so that’s one thing I’d recommend trying. I swear carbs make my brain foggy.

Do you do anything creative? I like to sew, so I break it down into planning goals - cut out the pattern one day, pin the pieces another day etc.

Totally agree about exercise. It’s the best. But that’s not the best advice when you’re really low because just getting started is often too much. One piece of advice I saw is to lay out your gear before bed, dress in gym clothes and trainers as a new normal, and do stretches throughout the day. Works even if I can’t get my head to let me move more.

I was on annual leave today and had a productive day, started Christmas shopping which is a big thing for me as I usually leave this till the very last minute, I felt I had accomplished something.

DD called me on her way home from school to say that her SM had tested positive for covid and she was now having to isolate with ExH and SM for 14 days... she was due back to me tonight as we have shared custody, I’m gutted. I’m trying hard not to run to the shop for wine

I unfortunately don’t have any hobbies really, nothing interesting anyway but strangely I had signed up to do an evening class in basic sewing before Covid and it was obviously cancelled and it’s not started again.