I hope it wasn’t a horrific end

[Whenismumhome]

My mum’s friend’s daughter died in a car crash 8 years ago this month. She was driving to pick her kids up on the way home from work one Friday evening and whilst she was driving down a dual carriageway with a grass verge down the middle of it, another came right over the central reservation and smashed right into her car head on. She died at the scene.

The person driving the other car was speeding so he lost control of the car and that’s what caused him to end up drifting into oncoming traffic.

Since the anniversary is come up, I just started to think about her earlier and I can’t help but think she must have suffered in her final moments. Of course I think of her mum and her family, she was just such a lovely woman and I hope she died quickly rather than slowly.

I'm so sorry this is haunting you OP. This week was the anniversary of a friend who jumped in front of a train. Ages 28. She's been in my thoughts a lot.

I don't know how to suggest you ease your pain. I hope your friend didn't suffer.

My son died in a car crash in 2017. He was killed instantly. He would never have felt a thing and this is one of the things that sticks in my head and stops me from going insane.

When we saw him he looked perfect. There were not marks on him. No cuts or bruises. He looked at peace. This has killed me inside. I am only just beginning to enjoy life again, and knowing he did not suffer has helped.
Strangely, I have not talked about this until I joined mumsnet, and have found it is comforting to be able to say what is on my mind here.
I think your friend would have died instantly, and you should hold onto that thought.

There are some awful events that really stick with me and I often think of how people may have felt and for those left behind.

It depends on what you mean by dying quickly. If you've ever seen someone dying, the actual process takes hours ( like birth), as it was an accident so therefore hospital records etc you could find out. It wasn't a slow death like dying of hunger or cancer. But from the moment the body started to shut down probably very quick.

@Anordinarymum

My son died in a car crash in 2017. He was killed instantly. He would never have felt a thing and this is one of the things that sticks in my head and stops me from going insane.

When we saw him he looked perfect. There were not marks on him. No cuts or bruises. He looked at peace. This has killed me inside. I am only just beginning to enjoy life again, and knowing he did not suffer has helped.
Strangely, I have not talked about this until I joined mumsnet, and have found it is comforting to be able to say what is on my mind here.
I think your friend would have died instantly, and you should hold onto that thought.

Oh how awful. Big hugs to you. I am so sorry for your loss.

@HillaryWhitney

I'm so sorry this is haunting you OP. This week was the anniversary of a friend who jumped in front of a train. Ages 28. She's been in my thoughts a lot.

I don't know how to suggest you ease your pain. I hope your friend didn't suffer.

Thank you and so sorry for your loss

My husband died of a pulmonary embolism just after Christmas 2014. My daughter and I watched him die, the whole thing took about 20-minutes it felt like hours. And he was in pain for quite a lot of it.

I remember frantically hoping that the paramedics could pull off a miracle, which was not going to happen because he was already dead.
Even now those last minutes haunt me as I wonder how much he was suffering or whether he was unconscious before he suffered too much. I will never know.

I'm sorry, that's awful. The world can be so cruel.

I don't know if it's any comfort, but when we suffer trauma / threat to life, our brain dissociates and shuts down some functions and senses to protect us from pain and distress. I would hope and expect that if your friend ever had any awareness of what was happening to her that her brain would automatically have shielded her from the most extreme suffering that's haunting you.

whenismumhome

Thank you. I appreciate that. Sorry for sounding morbid. I'm not at all but I do think I know how people who have lost someone in an accident feel particularly given the circumstances. It is a massive shock for lots of reasons

It's hard when things play on your mind like this. My teenage son witnessed his 16 year old friend mown down by a speeding driver as they walked home from a party. I often think about this lad and how his parents heard the impact from their home. My son had to run to their house to alert them, fortunately the lads dad was able to go in the ambulance and was with him when he died. he had terrible injuries and I think about him a lot. My son never speaks about that night but I'm sure it haunts him terribly.

@AmberAndAlexsMum

My husband died of a pulmonary embolism just after Christmas 2014. My daughter and I watched him die, the whole thing took about 20-minutes it felt like hours. And he was in pain for quite a lot of it.

I remember frantically hoping that the paramedics could pull off a miracle, which was not going to happen because he was already dead.
Even now those last minutes haunt me as I wonder how much he was suffering or whether he was unconscious before he suffered too much. I will never know.

I was with my husband when he died of a pulmonary embolism last year. He looked at me and said, "I feel strange", and that was it. The paramedics arrived shortly after (son and I did CPR until then), but it was too late.

I know it was quick for him, he had been in some pain in his leg earlier, which gave way and he fell on the floor. He couldn't get himself up despite son and I trying, or put any pressure on his leg. Son phoned for an ambulance and I sat with husband on the floor trying to reassure him. None of us thought he would just die suddenly like that. It still hasn't hit me.

I'm sure your husband didn't suffer, Amber.

@Readandwalk

It depends on what you mean by dying quickly. If you've ever seen someone dying, the actual process takes hours ( like birth), as it was an accident so therefore hospital records etc you could find out. It wasn't a slow death like dying of hunger or cancer. But from the moment the body started to shut down probably very quick.

I’m so sorry but I’m not sure what you mean. Dying doesn’t take hours in an accident. I’ve watched someone die instantly and he never even knew he had been injured. It was too fast. Tragic but I’m confident his brain had no time to register anything at all about what happened. In this accident op describes the person likely never entered a hospital.

Op so sorry for your loss.

So sorry to hear of everyone's losses, thinking of you.

to you all

@Babyroobs

It's hard when things play on your mind like this. My teenage son witnessed his 16 year old friend mown down by a speeding driver as they walked home from a party. I often think about this lad and how his parents heard the impact from their home. My son had to run to their house to alert them, fortunately the lads dad was able to go in the ambulance and was with him when he died. he had terrible injuries and I think about him a lot. My son never speaks about that night but I'm sure it haunts him terribly.

That is awful Babyroobs. Your son is a brave young man. When you think about the emergency services and the awful things they have to attend, you know they are heroes for simply coping and I know an awful lot of them have to seek help. I am eternally grateful to the police for the way they helped me in this instance. My hear goes out to all the mothers and families who have to go through losing a loved one in this way.

@AmberAndAlexsMum I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a pulmonary embolism myself this year and belong to a support group for survivors of blood clots. Many survivors stories involve becoming unconscious before they’re too aware of what’s happening. Whilst it would have been utterly horrendous and traumatic for you to see, he would have been unconscious before he suffered too much.

@jessstan1 and @BrummyMum1 thank you both. It has haunted me ever since.