What do you assume other people think about you?

[ANoTail]

Thinking about the current thread about intrusive thoughts/schadenfreude. There's quite a range of opinions about it on there but the thing that stuck with me was the people saying that they found the thread depressing as it made them wonder if people who were nice to them IRL actually didn't like them (or even just disliked aspects of them).

Do people not make an effort to be nice to people they dislike, even if it's just to keep the peace in an office, for example? Therefore, isn't it reasonable to assume that there are people who are nice to you, but don't necessarily like you?
It's not so much a matter of being a good or bad person, so much as it is being a likeable one. I don't think I'm a bad person, but I don't doubt there are people I annoy, people to whom I might come across as standoffish or smug or {insert inadvertent flaw}. There are people who I'd be ideologically opposed to with regard to religion or politics. There will be aspects of my character (nothing major, I would HOPE) that even my friends and family don't like. And yet most people are pleasant or, at the very least, civil.

I wouldn't be focusing on it so much normally but I'm quite new on MN, don't do any other social media and so this is sort of a first insight into other people when, being anonymous, they aren't as restricted in what they say. There's quite a few things which are completely foreign to me.
Is it common to assume that everybody likes you, despite the fact that virtually nobody likes everyone?
Sorry if this is a bit convoluted, I'm trying to figure out what I'm asking as I write it, iyswim.

I genuinely don't think about what other people think about me. At all.

I don't either, never have.

Mmmm, I think people like me when they first meet me. I am quite smiley, easy to talk to, unthreatening etc. Mostly they go off me when they know me for more than a surface chat or business talk. I continue acting the same way but they begin to see it is probably, as you say, an effort for me and I don't actually have much common ground with them.

I think this is reasonably normal. I notice it as my DH is one of those annoyingly well loved people ( I have lost count of how many, over the years, have told me "Mr Polly is the nicest person I have ever met. I class him as my best friend"), and I get the impression the unspoken message is "Can't imagine why he is with a miserable sod like you".

So yes, I generally like most people on meeting, but indifference rather than dislike occurs as I get to know them better.
I continue to make an effort to be pleasant.

I haven't previously been actively thinking about it (it'd drive you mad if you did it too much), as such, it was just one of those things I'd taken for granted and then realised on the other thread that I didn't necessarily recognise what other people were saying so tried to articulate exactly what I have been assuming.

A good laugh, helpful, not very bright

I only care what I think of others, not what they think of me.

I'm wonderful. I'm sure not everyone recognizes that, but that's of no consequence to me

I have very low self esteem and I always assume people think I can thick, common, ugly (insert any bad word you can think of!). It is something I am working on! I would like them to think I am kind and caring and someone they are pleased to see.

Interesting. I think people think I’m intelligent but ditsy. I’ve been described as being a ‘cool mum’ whatever that is and as a ‘mum who can do everything’ by an old school friend of my dds.
I think people think I’m bubbly and smiley.
Sometimes at work I feel relaxed and disorganised when compared to others who bang on about having ocd.

I haven’t really given it much thought. I would say that there are very, very few people I actively dislike. It’s more a case of either having things in common and getting on well or not but few people actually annoy me.

I only read the very beginning of the other thread but it came across very insecure and bitter so I didn’t carry on.

On reflection, I think I assume quite similar things to you. I don't think I'm too awful but there will be people who find me trying or annoying. Sometimes it's more obvious, sometimes I'll get it completely wrong.
I wasn't sure how I felt about the other thread. Some of the examples shared seemed quite extreme but I can't get behind the idea that an awful thought is worse than a moderately bad action.

That I am fat, and that because I am fat I am a person not worth knowing.

Probably extreme but I was certainly treated a whole lot better for the year I was thin!

People like me when I first meet them. I have naturally upturned corners to my mouth and can speak freely and am not shy and I do like to ask people about their lives. However from what people have actually said to me is they perceive me as very intelligent but very odd. I taught myself to read before I went to school, am incapable of lying and was very sporty when young. Never cared about getting sweaty, loved mud and was perceived as a tomboy.

The naturally smiley thing must help, I guess. I look naturally quite dour and, when I do smile, it tends to be very suddenly and for about 0.3 seconds, which according to DH makes me look a bit guilty.
DD3 (8) is quite similar, though smiles even less and it is obvious by the way people react to her that they feel less comfortable with her than her sisters.

People think I am trying to be a snob because I speak received English. I had a very strong accent when I was a child which DM decided could go. I had elocution lessons. They worked really well, kind of unfortunately!

People tend to think I'm a lesbian, then look mildly surprised when it turns out I'm not.

I always assume people are so wrapped up in their own lives they don't pause to think about whether they like me or not. At work I assume they only care if I can be of use to them! I am very smiley and always looking to crack a joke - to the extent that I'm pretty annoying. A lot of people are clearly baffled by my irreverent approach.

@SandysMam

I have very low self esteem and I always assume people think I can thick, common, ugly (insert any bad word you can think of!). It is something I am working on! I would like them to think I am kind and caring and someone they are pleased to see.

I feel the same way, I always feel like new people won't like me and that people I have known a long time must find me annoying or something. Rationally I know that most people won't give me a second thought and that a lot of people genuinely do like me as I have great friends and a good group of work mates. I try not to think about it too much

Of course I am polite and friendly to whomever I meet, perhaps they will become a friend. You figure out pretty quicknif a person is your type. But I'm still friendly to them, unless they are rude or just very neutral then I'm pretty neutral back.
I have to work occasionally with one woman who really rubs me up the wrong way, but I'm always nice to her (she's nice to me too I just don't like her at all).

That they think I’m chavvy and mouthy.
People always say they wouldn’t like to get on my bad side but I just speak up if I think something isn’t right and I don’t let people take the piss.
And I’m actually a massive snob on the inside and only shop in the really nice towns near me where they stink eye me like I’m shoplifting

I'm really not sure. I would guess-timate that acquaintances who are not confirmed, long-standing friends think a range of things about me.

Depending on the person's background and experience of me, they may think I'm quirky, bohemian, fairly average or even a bit dull.

I think people think I'm...fat, potty-mouthed, bit immature, somewhat highly strung

I'd like people to think that I'm...kind, funny, intelligent, down to earth

I've been told (recently) that I'm...passionate (about things I feel strongly about), organised, sexy, eccentric & easy to talk to

I'm confident now, however I never used to be. I was very outgoing but in a fake way if that makes sense. Anyway I tend to smile alot, and once I overheard some colleagues slagging me off in the work toilets. They were saying 'that inane grin of Claire's, she smiles at everything, all the bloody time'. So I made a conscious effort from then on not to smile as much. Horrible hearing people slag you off.

I'm assume most people don't think about me at all, unless they are close family or friends. I tend to be surprised if it turns out someone does have opinion. Exception to that is work where colleagues probably think I am quite bossy/opinionated - which I am.

I am very kind, and I respect other's opinions. I have friends who are both left wing and right wing, filthy buggers and very pc. I have many faults, but I like that I try to respect other's opinions.