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Miscarriage

3 replies

GasDoc03 · 06/11/2020 14:31

We have been trying for a baby last one year and then covid messed up everything...having to work in the intensive care I only just found out that I had a miscarriage when I put down my not getting periods for 2 months to stress as preg test was neg when I had checked.To find out I had a miscarriage was a shock and a deeply upsetting news .Me and my husband decided to we shouldn't tell his family as I wasn't comfortable with them passing remarks(they are passive aggressive to me)and my folks live in another country and I didnt want to stress them.So it happens that my husband ended up telling his mom within 3 days and she called me up.Firstly I didnt know she knew so was normal and just saying yeah ..got a but of tummy ache..but felt her questions were double edged....and my husband told me in sign language over the phone that he has told his mother.(He assumed that his mom will help me out emotionally having experienced the same)What my MIL did was ask me how I didnt know I was pregnant, then she tells me its all because of my job(am a doc)and tells me to jus leave it and move in with them(they have been wanting that as his parents and I have been working towards doing the necessary stuff before moving to his parental place).I was indirectly made to feel that I am not taking care of myself and that is why this happened.I was already so upset and this and me feel so guilty.I was annoyed with my husband for doing this to me and he was like everyone has an opinion you should notmind .I had been clear am trying to deal with it and I didnt want any opinion from.anyone.If I wanted comfort I would have confided in my mom anyway.I felt my MIL was more concerned about her son losing the child than my wellbeing.She never empathised.Am I wrong in feeling bad about how she spoke to me?Was it ok for my husband to say tat ?

OP posts:
BlueBrush · 06/11/2020 16:17

Firstly, I am so sorry for what has happened, and I hope you are ok. I had a miscarriage myself, and while I don't always understand why others decide to not talk about it, it sounds like in your case you had good reason not to! It sounds like your MIL was not the supportive voice you need to hear right now. You know that what happened wasn't your fault, don't you? So please don't give it any more thought. It sounds like your husband had your best interests at heart, but if you had agreed not to tell anyone, he should have stuck to that...or at the very least warned you that he'd told his mum. Just concentrate on looking after you, and shrug off your MIL's thoughtless comments if you can. All the best to you. Flowers

GasDoc03 · 07/11/2020 22:44

Thanks bluebrush..what you said made me feel better.I had decided not tell as mostly in Asian families people are bit harsh with their daughter in laws and I really didn't want to give anyone a chance to talk harshly with me and me having to deal with all the extra annoyance in a grieving period..esp when it comes from people you would expect to be the most empathetic. My husband did apologise later for what he did and that was a good thing for him to realise that he put me in a bad spot..I wil follow your advise.thanks

OP posts:
BlueBrush · 14/11/2020 11:42

Hi @GasDoc03. Sorry - I've only just picked up your reply. I'm glad to hear you're going to concentrate on you, and I hope you're doing ok. People can be very thoughtless sometimes but that says something about them, not you. Xxx

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