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Original poster

5 week old son won’t fall asleep after feeds.

34 replies

Mamainneedofhelp · 05/11/2020 10:32

Hello lovely mummies.

I am a mama in desperate need of help!
My DS is only 5 weeks old, he doesn’t ever get milk drunk or fall asleep on the bottle like most babies do at this stage. He never falls asleep in our arms either.

The problem is it can take 2-4 hours to get him to sleep after his feeds which when it’s been 4 hours he’s then due another feed.
As he doesn’t fall asleep on us we are having to put him in his basket awake!

We play Ewan the sheep place him in the basket and tap his back and leave the room. We have to repeat this process a few times until he settles and goes to sleep. Sometimes this can take a very long time!

We have to do this for every nap and bedtime as he just doesn’t fall asleep in our arms no matter how long we hold him.

It’s really draining as i am finding it so difficult to settle him to sleep in the basket and as it takes such a long time.

My question is do any mummies have advice?
How do I help or teach a 5 week old to self soothe? I feel like I don’t have a lot of choices as we can’t wait for him to fall asleep in our arms as my DD is 22 months old so I have to also look after her.

I think he has colic and we got told he has reflux however the GP won’t prescribe anything for it as my son is gaining weight.....

I have had a few people suggest Cranial massage however DH will not let me try it out as he doesn’t feel comfortable with the process.

I know my little boy he is way to young to cry it out and learn to fall asleep on his own this way but I’m not sure how else I can help him and soothe him to sleep I feel like eventually we will have to try the cry it out method as I am trying everything I can.

Thank you for any replies I will get back.

This mama has tried everything possible and doesn’t know what else to do.

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 05/11/2020 10:37

Are you winding him fully after a feed? What happens if you put him in his basket and leave him? Does he just cry? Have you tried putting him on a playmat/in a bouncy chair after a feed and just letting him state at the toys?

flissity · 05/11/2020 10:47

Does he fall asleep in the pram/pushchair or car? Just wondering ..

Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 05/11/2020 11:37

Yes he is burping really well he has gripe with his milk which helps him to burp nicely.

When he goes in the basket he cries as I think he needs help to get to sleep which is why we play EWAN the sheep and pat his back.

He just won’t fall asleep in our arms so we don’t really have a choice but to put him in the basket awake.

We have tried doing the feed play and sleep routine but I think he gets over stimulated and starts crying because he wants to sleep but it takes even longer to get him to sleep.

We will leave him to cry for a minute or two but then we go back to tap his back and soothe him. We keep doing this until he falls asleep.

If he was older we would let him cry it out and see what happens but I feel he’s too young for that.

OP posts:

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Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 05/11/2020 11:38

The pram is hit and miss a lot the time he will fall asleep in it not for long but still something.
The car yes he will fall asleep however I’ve only done this once.

OP posts:
flissity · 06/11/2020 15:37

Hi- I’m so sorry I didn’t look on here yesterday at any replies!
It just sounds as though he doesn’t need the sleep 😬
In answer to your first question, I think at that age they don’t often self soothe.
My dd3 is now nearly 5 months. So I’m thinking back to a few weeks ago.

It’s such a challenging time. Is he having enough milk?
Personally I avoid any kind of routines in the early days..it only seems to create more anxiousness about them going to sleep.

I have not helped at all I know! It’s a tricky time... I hope he does get better at sleeping.

Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 07/11/2020 19:09

This is what I thought but then when we leave him he seems to be even more harder to settle so I don’t know.

I don’t think DD self soothed until around 3/4 months so I know he’s really little for that but it’s just so hard putting him down awake and trying to soothe him to sleep.

Yes we actually got told to cut down his milk as they said he was having an extra 20-30ml on every feed and he may be over eating...

OP posts:
lyralalala · 07/11/2020 20:05

Obviously everyone makes their own choices so please do ignore the bits that don't work for your family.

When you say leave the room - he should be sleeping in the same room as you at 5 weeks. It'll be easier to tap his back if his basket is in the lounge with you. You might also find the general noise of life going on helps settle him if he doesn't like silence.

Try the opposite to what you are currently doing with swaddling - if he's swaddled try him unswaddled, if he's not try swaddling.

Try raising the head of his basket a little if you think he has reflux

Who told you to cut his milk? Babies that small don't generally 'over eat'. If he's hungry he won't settle.

Rockpapershoot · 07/11/2020 20:06

Have you tried a sling?

DressingGownofDoom · 07/11/2020 20:41

Stop setting times for when he must be fed, responsive feeding is recommended these days, just follow his lead. Does he take a dummy?

Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 07/11/2020 20:56

He sleeps in the same room as us as he is too little to not sleep with us but we have a separate room during the day for him to relax in to help him settle to sleep.

We have tried leaving him with noise around but it seems to distract him and make it harder for him to fall asleep.

I will try doing the opposite of what we are doing and see if anything changes.

We have raised the head of the basket where he sleeps but I’m not sure if it’s made much difference.

The GP have told me to cut down his milk but I said exactly the same as you to them. That I’m only giving him what he wants. But they have said he shouldn’t be having the amount he is...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 07/11/2020 20:56

I haven’t no, I do need order one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 07/11/2020 20:58

We don’t set times for him to eat he generally eats every 3-4 hours.

He also doesn’t take to the dummy.

OP posts:
KiriAndLou · 07/11/2020 21:04

I would try:

  • A baby swing that rocks itself. Let it lull him to sleep then move him once he's properly under.
  • Wear him in a sling after he's been fed and burped. Lots of babies like to sleep in these.

Also, he should be on his back in the same room as you for all naps and night time sleep.

Thatwentbadly · 07/11/2020 21:04

SIDS can happen during any sleep which is why the U.K. says all sleeps should be in a room with an adult until 6 months, the WHO says 12 months. It’s obviously your choice but it being day time doesn’t protect him from SIDS. You will probably find he will sleep better if you hold him.

I say this with kindness, you need to reset your expectations. If you are looking for your baby to self settle you may need to wait several years. Your baby is absolutely tiny, read up on the 4th trimester and why it’s so very important to his development for you to cuddle him.

lyralalala · 07/11/2020 21:14

@Mamainneedofhelp

He sleeps in the same room as us as he is too little to not sleep with us but we have a separate room during the day for him to relax in to help him settle to sleep.

We have tried leaving him with noise around but it seems to distract him and make it harder for him to fall asleep.

I will try doing the opposite of what we are doing and see if anything changes.

We have raised the head of the basket where he sleeps but I’m not sure if it’s made much difference.

The GP have told me to cut down his milk but I said exactly the same as you to them. That I’m only giving him what he wants. But they have said he shouldn’t be having the amount he is...

He should be in the same room as you for all sleeps.

In the nicest possible way, he's 5 weeks old. It's far, far, far too early to be thinking so far ahead to things like cry it out.

Things like raising the head of the basket will take time to work.

How much milk is he having at each feed? There's no way a 5 week old baby should be having their milk reduced. If he was breastfed you wouldn't even know how much he was having so unless he's having a crazy amount of milk and you are shovelling it down his throat I would not be following that advice.

Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 07/11/2020 23:26

He does sleep on his back.

We have a rocker that swings but he doesn’t ever fall asleep in it.

OP posts:
ISeeTheLight · 07/11/2020 23:28

Does he seem in discomfort? Does he cry a lot? Has he got any other symptoms (back arching, frothy/mucousy nappies, rash or eczema etc)? Whe he falls asleep how long does he sleep especially at night?

MrsWooster · 07/11/2020 23:33

I would definitely try a sling-he may be awake but he’ll be upright, if reflux is part of it, and he’ll be held and secure and you’ll be able to get on with things with dd.

Ohalrightthen · 07/11/2020 23:36

Reflux babies often overeat as the milk sooths their poor hurt throats, but then they get over full and vomit, which of course just makes the discomfort worse. You can't really feed a refluxy baby on demand as they'll eat when theyre not hugry for relief from the acid and then just make things worse. I'd follow the GP's advice there.

Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 07/11/2020 23:37

Yes I’m aware SIDS can happen any time, the problem is he doesn’t fall asleep when we hold him which is why we have to put him awake in the basket as no matter how long you hold him for he doesn’t fall asleep on you.

We have lots of cuddles and lots of skin to skin.

We give him a lot of affection and cuddles and don’t expect him to self soothe straight away as it took my DD around 4-5 months to do this but our problem is he doesn’t settle easy after sleep wether we hold him or not which was why I done this post to see if there was any advice on how to help him and if there’s a way I can help self soothe.

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 07/11/2020 23:38

Have you tried walking around with him in a sling?

Original poster
Mamainneedofhelp · 07/11/2020 23:40

He was breastfed but again I was told he was having too much milk as I was expressing my milk for him and he’s only recently moved onto formula so I was following the advice of cutting back the amount of formula as I’ve not had to use formula at such an early stage before so I was just listing to the GP but we were just following his lead and letting him drink the amount he wanted.

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 07/11/2020 23:43

@Mamainneedofhelp

He was breastfed but again I was told he was having too much milk as I was expressing my milk for him and he’s only recently moved onto formula so I was following the advice of cutting back the amount of formula as I’ve not had to use formula at such an early stage before so I was just listing to the GP but we were just following his lead and letting him drink the amount he wanted.
Yeah you can't really do that with a reflux baby, as i said, as they overeat to sooth their throats and that just makes it worse.

I really had to throw my weight around to get the GP to give me a prescription for gaviscon for DD. Make sure you put your foot down.

BuffaloCauliflower · 07/11/2020 23:45

Hey OP. A couple of things

  • all babies sleep, at night and naps, should be in the same room as you until at least 6 months. He shouldn’t be ‘relaxing’ in another room away from you at any point
  • 5 week olds cannot be taught to self soothe, it’s developmentally impossible for at least a couple more years. It’s extraordinarily unlikely that your DD could self soothe at 5 months, she was likely just a better sleeper, babies differ from each other. It’s not self soothing
  • Id really recommend the Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith, excellent, evidence based and responds to baby’s needs
Gremlinsateit · 08/11/2020 04:37

Does Ewan the sheep light up or make noises? Might be a bit stimulating for a daytime sleep for a newborn.

Can you wear him in a sling or wrap after feeds to help with the reflux and give you free hands?

Is the gripe water a good idea?

How are night times?

Have you tried feeding him when he wakes and then “playing”, instead of feeding to sleep?