I don’t know what it is, perhaps it’s the current situation, the time of year but I feel like death is so close to me now. I’m not especially upset about my own death but I feel so sad and frightened at being separated from those I love by death. I’m in my 40s and both my parents and parents in laws are in their 70s with various attendant health issues and realistically we could lose them over the next 10 -15 years. I don’t think I can bear it if I’m honest. I know I’ve been very lucky not to lose them before now and that I should just try to enjoy life but it’s hard to have that youthful hope for the future when you know those you love most won’t be around for decades to come. My older sister also has a life limiting condition which means she could die very young and that troubles me also.
I don’t fear my own death but I do feel sad at being separated from my husband by death of not being able to be close to him or his warmth.
I don’t usually feel like this though I have in the past. When I was younger I could dismiss it as irrational fears but these days it feels less irrational because death will happen, it comes to us all. I’m open minded but I don’t have a religion or any fixed beliefs.
I feel nostalgic for a time when I was younger and so were my loved ones and all these fears seemed much more distant.
Not sure why I’m posting really, to see if I’m alone in feeling like this or to see if anyone has any insight.
I should say I don’t feel depressed as such but just sad.