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Original poster

Ds has made an online friend, how do we check he's is who he says he is?

11 replies

Lavenderteal271 · 03/11/2020 16:37

DS is 12, he's made a friend through the game Amoung us. They've been texting on discord. He's showing me all the messages, they're all fine. The friend says he's a 13 year old boy. What can I do to keep DS safe?

OP posts:

Bearnecessity · 03/11/2020 16:53

In my experience with my ds now 18 I would not expect him to make a friend online who he spoke to regularly or consistently. He used to play random people for games but not develop a friendship. His friends in real life were the only ones he did this with so I was happy. Even now he plays games with random but usually has real friends with him within the game.

I wouldn't be encouraging one to one friendships with people online. Maybe your ds could get real friends to join him within these games and see how the 'friend' reacts.Does the friend bring in his other friends or does he remove himself from the friends.?

Bearnecessity · 03/11/2020 16:54

....from the friendship that should say.

Dustysilkflowers · 03/11/2020 16:59

I wouldn’t be encouraging online friends either because

A) you have no idea who he is speaking to
B) My brother was having a hard time at school and made his ‘friends’ online. He became very unsociable and his world became very small.

Even to this day he hates being away from his computer to the point where he will quite happily sit alone on Christmas Day talking to his ‘gaming friends’ whilst his family are all in another house celebrating the day.

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PlanDeRaccordement · 03/11/2020 17:01

Make sure DS never

gives out his full name or address. First name “Jack” or nickname and saying near city x is the most specific it should ever get. Lots of kids just say what country they are in and no more.
says the name of his school eg “I go to Foxtrot Academy” or full name of any teachers.
sends pictures he’s taken himself or of himself (these can have geo-tags in them)
messages over a private network or one like snapchat where the messages disappear

-agrees to meet them in person.

That he always

shares messages with you whenever you want
comes to you if anything seems off
tries and play the game with voice streaming instead of text chat, so they are talking to each other like on a phone. He and you can better tell if it’s an adult pretending to speak like a child.

Wankerchief · 03/11/2020 17:10

My sonis 18 and has made great friends online and it's crossed over to real life.
His best mate is a kid he met in Minecraft when they were 9 and they meet up a few times a year and still talk every day.

He used discord and runs his own servers and we have nothing to do with it now but we used to get him to video chat and we could see in seconds it was ok or not.
My youngest is 10 and he has a few online friends too. We monitor his phone and his Xbox chat and friends list and had no problems yet.

Both have friends in real life and are not social misfit shut ins because they enjoy gaming, supervise your kids properly, set boundaries and it won't be an issue.

Original poster

Lavenderteal271 · 03/11/2020 17:12

He has got lots of friends in real life that he plays on line with. Hes very sociable so I'm not concerned in that reect although I'll keep an eye on that too.

I'm reaction anall the messages exchanged between them. Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:

user65423546256 · 03/11/2020 17:15

Even if he is who he says he is that does not mean he has positive intentions or won't inflict harm.

The danger posed by people online is not about identity checks. It's about why they're communicating, what their intentions are, what they would do if they got access to you in person, long term grooming...

If all you think about is ID verification your son will never be safe online.

Saucery · 03/11/2020 17:16

What Wankerchief said. A broad range of friends online and in rl, open to checks from parents whenever requested...it’s not a problem. DS occasionally gets Christmas cards etc from online friends overseas he hasn’t (yet) met as well as chatting to them online (sometimes in their own language, so bonus MFL learning too ).
As long as they know what to look out for, what details they should be giving out to start with and a background awareness that Not Everyone On The Internet Is Who They Say They Are at all times, it’s fine.

WankPuffins · 03/11/2020 17:19

Ds two best friends were made online when he was 12.

They are all now 18/19 and last year started to meet up in real life as coincidentally, we moved to the same part of county they live.

So good friends can be made online. But you do have to be careful.

WankPuffins · 03/11/2020 17:20

When they first met up, one of the mums asked for my number to call me before hand, said she felt a bit silly as her Ds was 17 at the time but it was nice that she was checking Ds was who he said he was

OhMsBeliever · 03/11/2020 17:23

Keep an eye on the messages. My DS made a friend online who lives in America. I was obviously very suspicious to begin with and kept an eye on their (boring) messages. Made him aware of why I was checking up etc. It all checked out that she was who she said she was and wasn't some weirdo grooming him.

That was a few years ago, they're still in touch, she's sent him presents, I have a parcel here to send to her from him. He's 16 now so I don't get involved anymore.

I hope they get to meet for real one day.

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