Hi guys. This is a useless post. I felt down. When you look back at life and feel it was painful living through it. When you look forward and it seems bleak. When you feel if you disappeared no one would really know. When you realise you aren't THAT person in anyone's life, you never have been. No one is fighting to hang out, meet up, contact. You've never been the popular person anyone is eager to chat with. When you remember group work as a kid and you were always the one who never got picked and had to be placed in a group. The one that ran up to a group fo friends and they would inform you sorry I already got a partner. When you realise that hasnt changed in adulthood. When you realise that not even your husband is that interested in being around you. I have no friends who I'm in contact with. I try to keep in touch but they are busy. My siblings ring each other but none of them ring me. I ring them though. Even my in laws don't contact me I'm the one who does. I suggest things to do with my husband he doesnt. I go out of my way to spend time with him he doesn't really. He says he does. I dont feel it. When I speak his face is glued to the phone. When I've been sick he has left. When he is sick I will wake up in the middle of night to make him a warm drink, give him water, medicine. There is NO ONE for me. There is no one I can tell I'm broken. I think I'm so annoying I annoy myself. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. But sometimes I wonder if I disappeared there is no one who would feel my absence.
I'm sorry for the drain. I just wanted to type. I needed to let it out through some channel.