I have a DS, he's my eldest and has just turned six. My DH and I love him to pieces but he's always been a bit difficult. He has short periods of being fab and then short periods of being really tricky. I flit between wondering if he has some additional needs, autism, adhd, sensory issues, anxiety etc. But I'm not sure how much of his behaviour is down to him being just a six year old boy.
To avoid any drop feeding, this will be quite long... sorry!
I am a teacher and well versed in SEN. Sometimes I wonder if I am too 'aware' of them and perhaps see and try to diagnose things other parents wouldn't have a clue about. I've taught children with SEN and my son has some similarities to these children. However I'm also very aware that the majority of children that behave well at school can be difficult at home in a way they aren't at school. So although I teach and see lots of children I don't feel like I know what these kids are like at home.... I hope that makes sense!
So.. DS is okish at school. Academically he has a lot of potential, could read at 3, loves numbers, knows a LOT but he's not good at writing and hates school. Refuses to read school books, do homework etc. The work he does at school is shoddy and not reflective of his true ability. He's an incredibly bright kid. He cannot sit still at school and is a little bit disruptive at times, being silly and not listening. I have expressed my concern to school who say they don't feel its a big issue. However he often misses break time and getting him to school every single day is a struggle, so it's far from good. It's been much worse since lockdown. Him hating school is our biggest issue.
Behaviour wise at home we have big screaming meltdowns about tidying toys away, stopping screen time, doing any school work, getting dressed, going to bed, brushing teeth etc. He will shout and growl sometimes quite aggressive things like "I hate you all" "I wish you would die" Importantly, he has never once been aggressive physically towards anyone. His meltdowns are loud and there is so much anger visible but they don't often last more than a few minutes. On a good day we'll have one, on a bad day, 3/4.
He does not listen at all. He talks nonstop and even when quiet is in his own little world. I have to ask him around 4-5 times to do something before he will listen. School have also said his listening isn't great. Talk about something he's interested in and he'll talk for hours though and his language and vocabulary is honestly incredible.
He is constantly constantly moving. Never still. He likes to watch TV sitting upside down or whilst leaning on the sofa and bouncing up and down or back and forth. It's a bit like stimming I guess but it's not always the same movement and it's not constant. It gets worse if he's cross or anxious but not when he's tired. He would spend all day riding his bike or jumping on the trampoline if we let him.
He has some little tics like biting his lip or picking his fingers which he does almost constantly. The tics change all the time, at the mo he's biting the inside of his cheek all the time and pinching things between his fingers.
He displays some anxious behaviours and always has. He is fascinated by all kinds of signs and has to know what they say, especially if they are 'rules' signs. What does it mean and why. Covid has not been great for him as he's been very anxious with all the new signs around. He constantly seems on edge as if he's expecting something to go wrong.
He makes a fuss about certain clothes and things, he will not under any circumstances ever wear a badge or a sticker. Never, since day 1. He won't wear fancy dress and is terrified he will be made to wear a face mask.
Socially he's fine, has some good friends and plays nicely with them. He's certainly not the popular football playing boy in the playground but he has his little group of friends and school haven't said they have any concerns socially.
Ultimately I have concerns as he's incredibly bright but not achieving at school as he hates it. I feel there are some underlying issues or concerning behaviours, but his teachers don't think they are a big deal. So perhaps I'm wrong? Are all 6 year old boys a bit like this? Do they all still have tantrums and move constantly? Do any of them listen?
Who do I turn to if his teachers are insisting he's fine but we have doubts? Can I throw some money at the situation and get him assessed? Who by? Or do I go to the GP. Happy to have this post moved if it would be better elsewhere but I hope chat would get some traffic!