How best to manage small kids screen time.

[Underactor]

I have two DS they are very almost 3 and just turned 6.

During the first lockdown with both DH and I working from home and trying to homeschool we got an iPad for our youngest. Was a bit earlier than we would have liked but there really was no other way to survive and manage everything.

We generally did daily screen time from 4-5 so I could tidy up from the day and sort dinner. Then occasionally I'd let them have it a bit more.

However they would literally live for 4pm, asking me "when is 4pm?" almost constantly. But during lockdown, it worked and helped us survive.

Over the summer hols DS6 got a Nintendo Switch for his birthday. He loves it and we prefer it to the iPad as he will generally happily switch it off when asked.

Now though they have started asking constantly from the second they wake up, for screen time. And having huge tantrums if we say no. We have a very hard and fast rule about no screens before school as DS6 hates school and getting out the door is already a huge huge struggle.

Even on the 'screeniest' days the youngest will only have an hour and the eldest maybe 2/2.5 but spread out over the day and over devices. Most days it's less. Especially during the week.

Perhaps I'm being naive but I don't think their actual usage is excessive. It's just the constant demands for it!

I can't be alone with having children who demand and ask for screens all the time?? How the hell do I manage this?

The eldest had a huge tantrum this morning when we said no screens at 6:05am. Such a big tantrum that we have said no screens at all today.

I guess options are set limits on the devices and they can play whenever but once it's up it's up? If I do this if still say no to devices on weekday mornings. And what about if I want to allow them some extra time? I worry if I occasionally do this (for the peace and quiet!!!) they will just nag and nag for extra all the time.

So perhaps I go with certain times of day only for devices? But then they spend all day living for 4pm or whatever time I set it for!

Have already decided to delete YouTube for definite as this is the worst.

My eldest has possibly some undiagnosed needs (ADHD/Sensory issues) so is perhaps no as straight forward as other kids his age. But it's hard to know if all almost 6 year olds are like him when it comes to screens. I suspect most are?

Cold turkey?

What are they so interested in? Games or TV? I can't find any games that interest mine.

We have an 8 year old with ADHD and a very screamy 6 year old (look at her funny, she turns on the wailing).
We use Screen Time or Guided Access on the iPad and I'm considering using tokens for screen time too (when it's gone it's gone).
We do allow CBeebies on school mornings - one DC has to leave when Octonauts finishes and the other we are starting a new regime of leaving when Justin's House comes on (his school have staggered starts and it was getting too vague).
They have tablet time at 3 but we often use the after lunch period to go out if it's the weekend etc so they have it "when we come back".
Our current issue is getting them to play appropriately if it's not screen time, with a game that isn't "slide down the stairs on your duvet and get hurt".

My son is five, he gets 30 minutes of screen time on a school day and an hour at the weekend. He can have this essentially at any time, but not after dinner as that is too close to bedtime to have good sleep hygiene.

I used to have a certain time in the day, but I found giving him the choice when to use TV time worked much better for us.

He has a tablet, but he very rarely uses it and prefers watching things on TV instead.

They are interested in the usual kid screen things. Eldest likes games on his Switch and the youngest plays on apps or watches youtube.

We have gone cold turkey for today and possibly this week. I agree a period of time without them is needed.

Ours play well without screens and generally get along really well.

They do loads outside of school and nursery (though obviously that's all stopping AGAIN) they love bike rides and walks in the woods as we live very rurally.

I feel balance wise wits fine it's just they are getting a bit obsessive.

Do they have plenty of fun and interesting alternative to using their iPads?
I think the iPads could break, and that you wouldn't be able to afford replacements for quite a while.

I totally understand the screaming & demands of is it time yet (my ds also 6) has the most epic meltdowns when screentime is up.

What seems to be working for us is not to have a set time in the day that the tablet is avaliable but to have an agreed amount of time & set a timer.

So for example yesterday was a wet windy day & we really didn't need to go out. He got it for 1 hour & a timer was set.

He seems to react better to the timer going off than me saying time up which most times ends in tears as I steal minutes .

Also agree youtube is the worst for this kind of behaviour.

Mine 4.5 yo basically gets unlimited screen time. It's the only way to survive at the moment.

Doesn't seem to have done him any harm, he's still interested in books and craft and imaginative play.

My boys are the same age OP. We use Kindle Fires and they get one hour Monday-Friday, but it's also set so that they can't access them until after 9am. It seems to work well that the tablets literally stop the access themselves. Maybe there is an app you could use for this on an iPad?

Admittedly weekends we have unlimited access but it's fairly well self regulated and on the odd days when it's not I say it's time to choose something else to do at x time, and usually the threat of losing the tablet for the rest of the day works here.

Seems like setting timers on them is the way to go. Think we will do this and start of fairly strictly at first.

I mean we are going to need them over the next four weeks that's for sure!! And I don't want to take away the eldest's switch because he uses it to play with his friends.

Ours are 8 and 3. We don't have many rules for screens and generally it works for us.

Because they have regular access they don't fixate on it or moan about it but I imagine they have more time on a screen as a result.

Older one needs a bit of a prompt to get off his screen to do different things but is generally happy to do something else though - sometimes will have a bit of a whinge if he's building something on Minecraft but it's short lived.

We got a good leaflet from school about screen zombies which has resonated with eldest and we will say 'no screen zombie please' and he'll generally laugh and change activity.

Younger one has less time but then he has more distraction with more toys etc. They both spend plenty of time outdoors and are active so I'm not fussed at the moment.

Ask me again end of this month haha!

Oooh screen zombies sounds good

@Impatientwino would you let them use them before school first thing in the morning? I think that's our main issue.

I am toying between just letting them get on with it totally or setting timers.

They do self regulate once on there, youngest especially will drift off to do other things unless he's really tired (he's just dropped his nap so by 4/5pm is pooped). The eldest will take himself off to do something else after a while but then will go back to it quite shortly after.

If you have a specific programme they can watch when ready for school, and they leave when that programme ends, that works well on school mornings we find.

Yes we do. We let them watch tv in the kitchen while they eat their breakfast and it means I can clear up, prep dinner, answer a few emails etc. Oldest has a maths and English app they use for school which he has to do each day so he will often do that in the morning and then we use it as a reward in the mornings for having a tidy room, in school uniform, teeth brushed and all ready to go.

It's amazing how quickly they get ready when they know they can get a little bit of time online! Generally not long but it works well as a little carrot for ours...

Less time if they moan/protest/demand should be one step.

Hmm I don't think it'd work for mine in the morning as we really struggle to get him to school. Having to switch off the iPad would make it much harder.

TV isn't an issue in our house, they can watch that whenever and self regulate well.

It's just the iPads and the gaming consoles.

@nosswith we do generally do that, eg this morning there was so much fuss we said several times there will now be less time etc until we took it away completely. BUT I find it's not instant enough? So he has an hour say and if I take away half an hour by the time he gets to use it he would have forgotten he had half an hour taken away and just take what he can.

I think we have decided all screens will only work between 4-5:30 on weekdays and for a maximum of 40 minutes.

Weekends they will have access for 1.5 hours at any point in the day from 8:30-5:30. But once 1.5 hours is done it's done.

We think it's probably best to start low and allow them more time once the obsession wears off.

Maybe his behaviour will improve too. But I'm not so sure.

I'm not sure there is a best as it depends on personalities and home set-up.

I've found connecting it to time is less helpful than connecting it to something going on. When we had gaming on a time, I'd get the same though less when I told them that every time adds X amount of time gets added until they can use them.

With TV, I let mine pick one show once everyone is downstairs (on weekends/holidays) or after lessons for those learning at home. They each pick one, whatever they want, everyone gets a turn. We do movies/more on special occassions. They get an hour of gaming in the afternoon, we've connected this to their father getting up on weekends/holidays, those that go to school can have it after homework while those at home have it earlier in the afternoon when they're done so in the evenings we can watch/play things or do something else together.

We don't buy consoles as individual gifts, they're family items - including handhelds, and only my kids that are secondary age or older have phones. Those under 16 get an hour through Family Link though I can add time for certain things. Those who go to school sometimes use theirs in the morning beforehand, but I'm currently discouraging it. I don't allow it for those who are at home until afterwards, my youngest usually reads pokemon annuals or similar over his breakfast.