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What could I have done to stand up to this racist?

7 replies

SandyDays · 31/10/2020 10:44

This has been on my mind since it happened two days ago, I didn't act and now I'm left feeling angry at myself.
I was waiting in a queue outside a shop in our local town with my DS14, when a man who appeared drunk or possibly high walked fairly aggressively towards a woman who was sat in a door way.
She was, I'm guessing, mid 20's, not white ( possibly Middle Eastern ) had a little pot in front of her for money and had her hands in a prayer position.
He shouted at her to stop praying, shouted at anyone around him not to give her money and then generally hurled abuse at her about not being welcome here. All whilst staggering around and glaring at people.
It was a busy area and not one of us said anything.
My heart was racing and I wanted to say something but had no idea how to handle the situation, I was scared, but then I know the young women was scared too.
What should I have said, what would you have done?
Fear for my own safely prevented me from taking action, but I'm so cross with myself, I feel like I let another human down, how dare that man feel he can speak to someone like that?
In other situations I have spoken up and confronted racists or sexism but these have always been in conversations with people who I didn't fear, this felt different.
I can't change what happened but next time I want to act differently so lm looking for some advice I suppose on what to do or say if this happens again.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 31/10/2020 10:56

That's really tricky. I like to think that I would have confronted him but in reality, I probably would have been scared and have just frozen.

Maybe you could have left your ds to hold your place I in the queue. Then gone over and ignored the horrible aggressive drunk but got down to the woman's level and chatted to her in a calm, friendly voice so that she didn't feel alone.

SandyDays · 31/10/2020 14:37

Yeah that might have worked, and part of me wonders if one person makes a stand would others then join in?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2020 15:07

Then gone over and ignored the horrible aggressive drunk but got down to the woman's level and chatted to her in a calm, friendly voice so that she didn't feel alone.

Always talk to the victim not the aggressor. This is great advice. Even to make eye contact and say, "do you need me to call the police or sit with you?" And you can elicit help from others, by making eye contact with anyone who looks shocked and worried and saying "could you call the police/ask the shop staff for help/stay with me here?"

But short answer, always address the victim.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/10/2020 15:09

By the way I've worked in homelessness so I'm very very very experienced dealing with aggressive people under the influence. Most people aren't and most would be scared and you shouldn't feel guilty.

throwaway100000 · 31/10/2020 15:10

He was drunk though. You can’t reason with a drunk person, there’s nothing you could have said to fix his views. All you could have really done is say “fuck off”, comfort the woman and possibly alert the police via 101.

SandyDays · 31/10/2020 16:45

Thank you all, I will follow this advise if (when) it happens again

OP posts:
SandyDays · 31/10/2020 16:46

*advice

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