Help I need to cook but I can’t cook

[FeckArseDrinkGirls]

I’ve got my fairly newish partner coming round to mine at the weekend for dinner. I went to his for similar a couple of weeks ago and, despite having told me he’s not really into cooking but is a bit of a foodie, cooked me one of the best meals I’d ever had. A really decent restaurant level meal.

I also told him that I couldn’t cook despite loving good food but I was actually telling the truth. I used to cook a bit but since having ridiculously fussy kids I have just done a variety of chicken nuggets, pasta and pesto, salmon and rice etc. very, very bland meals.

I’m also ridiculously busy on the day before he comes over for the evening so I’m going to have very little time do spend cooking.

Any good go to recipes that anyone would like to share? Ideally aimed at someone incredibly inept. Happy to spend a fair bit on ingredients but just want to make a balls up of it. I could order takeaway I guess but that seems a bit of a cop out when he went to such an effort to cook for me.

Does he like Italian food? A lovely gussied up pasta dish (even pesto can be leveled up with a bit of double cream!) with easy garlic bread and a fresh salad might do the trick.

Your friend probably won’t be expecting anything too lavish due to the fact you’ve already told him you don’t think you’re a great cook. How about an easyish pasta dish like carbonara and garlic bread or a homemade pizza? It depends what sort of food you both like.

Any idea what his favourite kind of food is? If not, pick your own favourite! Indian tends to be a crowd-pleaser.

I've impressed a few friends with the easiest curry ever (Jamie 5 ingredient recipe, it's honestly delicious, and I previously didn't think I liked fish curry). They've gone on to make it for their own friends, so I know they weren't just being polite!

2 tbsp rapeseed oil (any oil would work)
500g ripe cherry tomatoes, halved
500g white fish fillets, such as haddock, skinned, pin-boned and cut into 4cm cubes – I used cod
1 Korma paste pot
2 heaped tablespoons lime pickle
1 x 400g tin coconut milk

Heat oil in pan, chuck in tomatoes until they colour/blister/soften (a few mins). Add Korma paste, sizzle for 30 seconds to release the flavour. Stir in lime pickle. Add coconut milk and bring to the boil. Add the fish, cook for 3-4mins. Season to taste.

I serve with rice (microwave packet if you're short on time, just bash the packet, fluff and decant into a bowl so he won't know!), naan, chutneys, poppadums etc –all come prepackaged, and who doesn't love mango chutney! Enjoy with some cold beers. You could cheat and buy some other Indian sides if you wanted.

Takes about 15mins all in and it's so tasty! Hope the date goes well

In your shoes I'd 'cheat' and buy an upmarket ready meal, but would be completely honest about it.

Order in or get ready made stuff. If you start cooking early it'll become a 'thing' and you'll end up always having to!

Best recipe for dinner by a non-cook - go to COOK (or get them to deliver)

My favourite quick but indulgent meal is called carbonara on the recipie but isn't carbonara because it has cream in it. I haven't bothered to look at the recipe since the first time I did it as it's easy.

150ml of double cream
2 eggs, possibly with an extra yolk for luck
A bit more bacon than you'd think.
A clove of garlic or 2.
Cheese. I think the recipe said a hard cheese, but I just use cheddar.
Fresh pasta.

Put a suitable amount of water on to boil.
Chop the bacon up and fry. Take the pan off the heat and ignore it while you sort the sauce.
Beat the eggs into the cream, grate in cheese to taste.
Put the bacon back on the heat, add the garlic and cook.
Meanwhile cook the pasta, drain, stir in the bacon, garlic and the juices.
Add the sauce while the pasta is still really hot and stir it through.
Serve with freshly ground pepper, possibly garlic bread and a perhaps a side salad.

Don't try any sexual gymnastics until you've digested it a bit.

What meal did he serve? Sometimes meals look super fancy are actually really easy.

Do not put cheddar anywhere near carbonara, otherwise it's vaguely OK, but use parmesan.

Lamb leg steaks, fried in butter, olive oil and lazy garlic. Take about 8 mins.

Have ready a Greek salad: good leaves, cucumber, tomatoes, pepper, red onion, black olives, feta, use a supermarket french dressing.

Box of parmentier potatoes - just go in the oven for about 20 mins. Good supermarket.

Strawberries, good vanilla and flake for pud.

Fajitas

So easy and you only have to cook the chicken veg etc everything else is bought ready done 😀

NIgella chicken tray bake for the win. You can't go wrong.

www.nigella.com/recipes/spanish-chicken-with-chorizo-and-potatoes

you literallly chop stuff, put in a tray, baste after half an hour, and leave for another 30 mins. SO you can play hostess with the mostess. It has never failed me.

I've done the meal deal from M & S.

The recipe I mentioned is not Carbonara. It was just called that on the recipe by somebody who thinks Carbonara contains cream. Because the recipe contains cream I find cheddar is fine but whatever cheese you like.

Or don't. All the more cheese for me .

Obviously she is cooking for her millions of glam friends, so 4-6 chicken pieces and one tray is fine, but do go for thighs.

Several of my friends and relatives now believe I can cook

Just get an M&S meal deal, everything in foil trays that just go in the oven. You can get some really nice meals and you've told him you don't cook so why make it hard for yourself.

Steak and chips/dauphinoise potatoes and a salad, followed by good cheese and biscuits. If you can trust yourself not to overcook the steak.
Or go to COOK as someone else suggested; homemade just not by you!

Make a really decent Ragu sauce the night before so all the flavours have time to infuse.

Serve with tagliatelle and a decent, garlic pizza bread. (( Bought ))

Absolutely amazing food and pretty idiot proof.

To be honest I'd go for something really simple (with some cheats) but with good ingredients.

So for a starter some good smoked salmon on blinis (mini pancakes you can buy pre made) with a dollop of sour cream mixed with equal quantities of horseradish sauce and topped with dill. Looks nice, tastes great, no cooking just an assembly job you can do before he arrives.

For main, something like a rack of lamb.

Just brown (really brown it) in a pan then pop in the oven for 20 mins at 180 degrees (you can brown it before he arrives then pop in the oven 5 mins before you serve your starter) to cook to a perfect pink. If your feeling "brave" you can coat it with Dijon mustard and dip in a herb crust before putting in the oven - you can buy rosemary herb crusts ready done from Waitrose but it's simply seasoned breadcrumbs with chopped rosemary.

The you just slice it (ceremonially) at the table into chops.

I'd serve it with dauphinois potatoes - I make my own but they always take longer to take than you think and if you're a novice cook I suggest you cheat and buy some and simply "decant" into a nice oven proof dish (get rid of the wrapping!). You want them brown on top so pop them in the oven 15 mins before your starter (so 10 mins before the lamb).

Then some fine green beans. Get them ready in a pan of salted water. They'll take about 5 mins in boiling water so put them in just before you sit down for your stater.

In theory everything will be ready as you finish the salmon.

As for a pudding - tbh cut yourself some slack and cheat again.

Buy something like a posh chocolate tart and level it up by serving up a slice with some fresh red berries and thick cream.

Other tips - lay the table nicely with some candles/napkins etc and serve some nice wine.

If you're feeling flush then some champagne (or other fizz) with the salmon. A nice red with the lamb.

I'd go for raiding the Waitrose deli for lovely ingredients that don't really need cooking eg smoked salmon or gradvalax with rye bread or posh crackers to start with and maybe a nice cheese board for after.

For main a nice steak (you can get posh ones pre seasoned with a sauce) and with new potatoes and green beans. You can't really go wrong with that you just put a timer on and fry it for strictly as long as it says on the packet.

Alternatively do what my mum did. Cook a truly awful inedible meal but just be your charming self and then you can enjoy 50 years of marital happiness where he cooks you lovely meals every day (but you will be consigned to the washing up)

You brought back memories. Me, young student, meets future DH when dragged along for an evening out to be the second person with friend desperate to go dancing. Him, charming ginger haired single father, also dragged out by mad partying friend. We met standing at the back of the dance place, hiding. Both of us hiding. I said hi and it went from there.

Here's the food part. He called me for a first date. Being soft spoken and English, he was uber polite. I'm a student he said, and I'm on a strict budget. No problem, said I, come to my place and I'll cook dinner. (I know, dangerous but it was 1981).

I had a far amount of cooking knowledge thanks to Mom, but I fell back on the old reliable spaghetti bolognaise, garlic bread, and salad. The rest is history.

The moral of the story is do something simple. Leave room for relaxed conversation.

Grown sons, four grandchildren later and we are having spaghetti tonight. And those sons can cook! Good luck!

Thank you all for advice. I’m going to try a couple of those recipes this week and see how much of a balls up I make of them. I live in the middle of nowhere so no nice M&S or Waitrose to get cheaty stuff from, although I’m sure I’ve seen Cook stuff somewhere.

Quick and fancy but simple?
Pan fried lamb in red currant jus, sounds fancy but very simple with cheats available.

2 lamb leg chops
2 Lamb oxo cubes with 250ml boiling water (or other stock)
Red currant jelly
Rosemary finely chopped (or dried)

Fry the steaks medium heat until browned on both sides but pink in the middle, add the rosemary for one minute, season with salt and pepper add the stock, 1-2 spoon red currant jelly and stir to dissolve. Cook until stock reduces and until taste (I like mine pink still). Serve with ready made mash and ready trimmed green beans which I steam in a microwave steamer.

It looks and tastes like you are at a fancy restaurant, it's where I got the idea from.

For added restaurant flair toss your steamed beans into a little olive oil with finely chopped garlic

Remember coq au vin and Boeuf bourgignon are just fancy stews with a lot of red wine and a bouquet garni thrown in.